


The Sacrifice

by Sailingfreely



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Healing, Jaehyun is a god of thunder, M/M, Old days setting, Sacrifice, Slow Burn, Taeyong is a farmer, This story is about life to be thankful and be strong despite pain, about hope and love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-03-07 10:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 52,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailingfreely/pseuds/Sailingfreely
Summary: The village was in the brink of ruin, death looming over them and Lee Taeyong was the bottom of the pot. When a God landed near their mountain, they offered Taeyong as a human sacrifice to save their village.What become of this beautiful, yet so pitiful human?





	1. Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> This was an old story which I wrote for another ship under the name Reapjewelfish in AFF, so do forgive me should you find the style or choice of words different than my current style. But I do think it's still a good story (lmao).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story take place at the old days, so there will be instances when homophobia, misogyny and patriarchy may be seen or implied (only in the first chapter).
> 
> And like my other stories, we will focus on some psychology aspects, I hope you will enjoy it ^^
> 
> WARNING for this chapter: attempted rape

He huffed angrily as air was forced out from his lung when his chest flatten to the ground and a heavy weight fall on his back, trying his best to holler without having dirt coming into his mouth and his breath to stop altogether.  
“Fuck…!” he hissed.

“Just surrender Taeyong, you can’t win against us. Don’t worry, we will make sure you enjoy it too,” said the person behind his back cheekily as boisterous laughter erupting immediately after.

“You guys are sick bastards! Is it fun to fuck a man?!”

“Believe me Taeyong, you are more than that,” he yank Taeyong’s hair harshly, causing the poor man’s body to arch backwards painfully that he couldn’t struggle anymore.

“Stop, dammit! Don’t you know what you guys are doing right now?!” Taeyong writhe desperately as his pants was forcefully tugged off by two other guys. “This is fucking rape!”

“Blame it on the stress Taeyong, for all we know we could end up dead anytime now from starvation and tedious works has been harder to do as there are no women present in the village, not to mention all the grief it had caused to us.”

“And that’s my fault, _how?!_ ” he struggled to breathe when dirt inhaled into his burning lungs.

“Well, you are not one of us Taeyong, in fact you’re just our burden in time like these, and-“ a hand caress his bare back slowly, pulling up his shirt. “Have anyone ever told you how smooth and fair skinned you are? Your face is also too beautiful to be a mere farmer.”

“Fuck you…!” Taeyong snarled angrily despite the fact that he could only struggle poorly from the firm grip of his assaulters.

“Oh no, _we_ are going to _fuck you,_ ” The man chuckled hilariously as their hands forcefully pulling his bottom up and distastefully spreading his legs apart.

“ _Shit_ …! Fuck! Fuck! _Fuck you!_ ” Taeyong screamed painfully and nearly cry out of desperation.

“ _Holy_ \- scram guys!” the man above Taeyong suddenly halted before fleeing from the scene with the rest of the group.

Taeyong is beyond confused but more than that he’s relieved to escape yet another attempted rape for the countless time now. Hastily, he pull up his pants and clutching at his shirt protectively to hide his bare skin, ears slightly twitching when he heard angry stomps coming near him.

“ _Motherfuckers!_ ” the familiar deep voice cursed, as the man who had been stomping tightened his grip on a hoe, swaying it a bit.

“Dad…” Taeyong uttered softly as relief washes over him and slowly, his body weakening from all the tensing stress.

“Damn son, are you okay?” he reach out his rough hand for Taeyong to grab on, “sorry, of course not…”

“It’s okay…” he leaned against his dad's chest while circling his arms around the man’s shoulder.

“Come on, let’s go home”, he keep a tight hold of Taeyong’s hand as he dragged him back home.

Incidents like this is no longer rarity for Lee Taeyong, the farmer’s son is just unfortunate enough to be their target. It all started for more than a year ago, when a heavy downpour lasted for weeks and the dam can no longer withstand the brimming pressure of water. The village was flooded, a few houses washed away, three casualty and all the crops were destroyed so was the land. Few days after the flood, the rain stopped, but misfortunate has yet cease from the poor village. The land was ruined to the point it can’t be used anymore to grow crops which lead to fast depleting to their finance and made worst when the rain stop altogether until water became scarce.

But no matter how much they were suffering, the landlord want no excuses. They have to pay for the land in full, exactly on the date it has to be fulfilled. The villagers has no money, even when they gather all their money to pay dues, it was still not nearly enough. So for every each taxes they can’t pay, the landlord took two women from the village as a replacement, even when the village itself had hardly any young girls and mostly they are old ladies.

Now, there are no longer women in the village, except for the elderlies. Everyone on the village are on their edge, fighting scenes became a daily thing and people getting more and more asocial toward each other. For the two last months, the landlord already took four men to be sold as slaves. Rather than sticking together to solve problems, people was cornered that they keep pointing fingers towards another on who to be the one to be taken next. The villagers are no more of humans, but distressed animals which trying to survive.

In this kind of straining situation, they would do anything to lessen the burden but most importantly, the stress. When most settle by fighting one another, a few chose to release it in a different away. And that’s where Taeyong’s misfortune began. From the very beginning his existence in the village was already unusual enough, not few consider him as an outsider and even more so when he grows up to look different than the rest of the villagers. He is a beauty, sharp nose, luscious lips, his silky black hair and soft golden skin only enhance it more, slim body with toned muscles and somewhat delicate manner makes him look attractively androgynous. When the villagers have mono eyelids, he has double eyelids which further distinguish him from the rest of them. Many like not only his appearance, but also his pure and kind personality too.

But the village was formed hierarchically and it was deeply engraved in their soul, so the outsider Taeyong was not someone they could openly welcomed. Despite their adoration, they wouldn’t give a mind to the said male. Even when someone hit him out of the blue with no reason at all, no one would help him, except his parents. His father, even though now he’s a farmer, previously he was a sword master, but due to his master’s failure he was exiled hence his status in the village is rather that of a high one. Despite the high status is his and _his alone_ , not Taeyong’s.

Lee Taeyong is placed _last_ in the hierarchy.

 

\--

 

“Maybe we really need to get out from the village.”

“Dad, you can’t. If you are so much to take a step out from this village, those people from the capital would come to get you. And we all know what will happen after that, so no, dad,” Taeyong protested.

“So what? I should just let them hurt you?” the man banged the table in anger.

Taeyong gulped, “no… I’m okay dad.”

“Hell you are okay with it! I already lost your mother, I won’t lost you too!”

“You won’t dad, I can’t go anywhere too… Just like you, we’re both being watched to stay in this village”.

“Curse those people!” he banged the table again with more force and his face had reddened by anger.

“Come on dad…” Taeyong hug the man slowly, “I’m okay, I’m happy enough to be with you.”

Then the ferocious man reduced to a sulky brat in the embrace of his son. It’s as true as it is, even though their life is nowhere to be called happy and prosperous, as long as they are together everything is alright. Everything is good and they are content to be thankful for the little things they can have.

Until one evening a blaring storm hit the village.

And Lee Taeyong’s life take a turn.

 

\--

 

It’s took two days for the storm to rage on the village and when the storm was no more, people are storming out from their houses and murmurs filled the valley. Taeyong’s father too, took a part in the pool of people discussing what happened in the last two days.

_A God has landed on the mountain!_

If this event happen a year ago, they wouldn’t made so much ruckus about it. But with the way the village is in the brink of ruin, this celestial arrival can only be seen as their last resort. Mostly the Gods which landed on earth only ask for small offering as cattles and the likes, but when humans ask for their help they have to give the God a human sacrifice. It is unknown what the Gods want from the sacrificed human, but this kind of things didn’t just happen twice or thrice in the country and there is a possibility the God will be willing to help depends on how good the human sacrifice was.

In other words, they can’t randomly choose the sacrifice, they have to be of high quality.

“We have no one to give here!”

“There is no more cattle let alone women!”

“What God landed anyway?”

“It must be the thunder God.”

“Wasn’t that God known to be hard to ask for help though?”

“I have heard that God never took any of the human sacrifices.”

“We have to try first!”

“Even if we have to try, who will we offer?! There is no women!”

“I don’t think there was a decent person to give even if the women was still here.”

“We can’t possibly give a man, can we?”

“What about Lee Taeyong?”

Silence fall on them.

“Well that is a good-“

“No! Not my son!” an angry shout heard, piercing the villagers' ears.

“Mr. Lee, I know that you hold a high status here, but yours is lower than the head of the village, it’s not within your rights to say no or yes,” one of them snarled, with his face slowly turning into a smirk.

“It’s Mr. Kim choice. What to do now?”

“Damn you! How can you sacrifice a human?! That’s not right!” Taeyong’s father began yelling, feeling upset and frustrated.

“I hardly believe you will react the same if the one sacrificed is not your son.”

“One sacrifice is needed to save a lot of people.”

“You can’t be selfish when things already getting out of hand!”

“You should be thankful that your so called son can be of use for us!”

“ _Fuck you!_ ” The man bellowed, with a few of villagers struggling to keep a hold of him.

“Settle down people”, Mr. Kim raised his voice and in a blink of eye the ruckus die down, “I’m sorry Mr. Lee, but I have to do what we can to save my villagers.”

“He is one of your villagers too!”

“You should know best that he is not, Mr. Lee. Even if he is, I would still go on with him, because he is the only one qualify enough to be an offer to the God, I’m sorry,” Mr. Kim said with a sigh, appearing to be conflicted although his eyes show anything but.

“He is still young! He just reached his twentieth birthday! How can you-“

“There are many young children to save too, far younger than him. Aren’t they more suitable to be protected?”

“Fuck you bastards! All of you never cared for him! To you he is just a trash! That’s the main reason why you chose him as a sacrifice isn’t it?!”

“Mr. Lee, anymore disrespect from you and I will be forced to chase you away from this village,” the old man hissed menacingly.

“ _You think I care?_ I would rather have those dogs slit my throat than have my son-“

“It’s okay dad,” Taeyong cuts in his father’s words. Gasps heard as he suddenly barge into the conversation. “I will do it.”

“ _No!_ Taeyong, what the fuck are you saying?!”

“Dad, I want to do it,” Taeyong said gently, trying to convince his father's stubborn decision to not let him go.  
“Why? No one-“

“If by doing that can help the village, then there is nothing I want more.”

“Son, you want to help these people who treated you like _trash_?! You owe them nothing! You don’t have to do this!”

“But they are kind to _you_ dad, they had helped you so many times, so this time let me return their kindness,” the young man plastered a smile onto his face, so obviously forced, a sight hard to see, yet still no one say anything.

“Taeyong…”

“Beside I want you to be healthy and well again, please live a long life for me dad.”

“Idiot, I’m old already! It should be you who is the one to live a long life! I-“

“Good, everything settled then. Bring him to prepare the necessities,” Mr. Kim hastily ordered a few people to lead Taeyong away from his father.

“ _Wait_ -! Taeyong! My son! _He is my son!_ Don’t you dare take him away from me! My son!” the old yet bulky man screamed, face and neck stained by tears.

“It’s okay dad! I’m alright, see you,” Taeyong shouted back when the guys started dragging him away. At the last second before he could no longer see his father, he muttered much to himself, “if God allow us to meet again.”

“ _Good bye, I love you dad_.”

 

\--

 

Darkness was already hanging in the sky when they left him in the mountain forest. He was left with nothing but clothes on him, the preparation they were talking about was just making sure Taeyong was washed clean thoroughly. No food, no spare clothes, _nothing_.

“What should I do now…?” he mumbled with trembling lips due to chilly air. He folded his arms to keep himself warm yet it didn’t help even a little, the mountain air is so cold that his breath creates white puff.

“This way rather than die in the God's hand, I'm more likely to die from the cold,” he chuckled bitterly. Unconsciously a tears escaped his eye, “… _fuck_.”

He look up to the sky only to cry harder at his hopeless situation. He felt lost, _so lost_ and alone. He is going to die didn’t he? No matter how, this is merely seconds to his miserable death.

“Why am I even born…?” him sobbed painfully, chest burning in pain and sorrow.

 

“ _Human, close your eyes._ ”

 

“Huh?”

A very bright light suddenly filled the space and Taeyong reflexively close his eyes in an instant. The light was so bright that even with Taeyong’s closed eyes he could still see it. It was hot, bringing sharp piercing pain like thousands needles pricking his skin, causing the young man to yelp pitifully.

Then it ceases, cold seeping back although warmth still lingers in the air and darkness engulf him once more. Slowly and fearfully Taeyong opening his eyes, peeking into whatever it was that took place, only for him to gaped and his eyes widened in awe.

There, a couple of meters from where Taeyong is, a man in pure white stood gracefully peering down to him. The man was rather tall and body full of toned muscles under the white cloth like flowing rich milk, looking strong and dignified. His skin was very pale, bright like light in the darkness similar to his hair which is of platinum color while his eyes, the eyes is silver. The silver glowing sternly into the young man, peering so unmercifully which brought a shudder to the poor man.

“What are you doing here _human_? You should know that this land is mine now, no human should wander in,” a low, deep and melodious voice piercing through Taeyong’s heart in uncomfortable manner.

 _He is the God, the thunder God_ , a sudden realization hit him that in no way a human could look the way the man is. It was only a lift of an eyebrow, but it brings terrible shudder to Taeyong and his lips trembling in fear, it was an unfathomable fear, it wrapped Taeyong so with no reason.

“I- I- I was brought here to be a sa- sacrifice for you… my God,” Taeyong stuttered, keeping his head as low as he can and bending his body so it almost flatten to the ground.

“Aren’t you a man?” The serene yet eerie voice sounded once again.

“Y-yes.”

“Don’t they know what God is it that landed here?”

Taeyong keep his silence, barely breathing in the Godly presence.

“Do you know what God am I?” The being repeated in firmer tone.

“G- God of Thunder…” he muttered.

“What is the name, do you know?”

Taeyong stop breathing, terrified to shake his head since he didn’t know the answer could lead to his instant death.

 

“It’s Jaehyun.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	2. Shelter

He's blinking his eyes, waking up from a deep slumber by the chirping of the birds. Sitting up drowsily from the ground, he shakes off the grass and leaves which was sticking to his hair, yawning contently like he always did everyday. That is until a minute passed and reality starts to seep into his mind then remind him of where he was currently. He had just woken up from sleeping on the the forest ground dirt, in the middle of early spring. Normally, the air would be cold enough to make his lips turn blue and the ground would amplify it. However, that was not the case as Taeyong could still feel the warmth which is coming off the ground and only at that exact area where he was lying.

It was the ground where the God stood last night. When the God was gone, Taeyong who was still feeling cold to the bones, noticed that certain place radiates warmth, and so he curled himself up and unconsciously fall asleep due to the unexpected comfort. Strangely, the warmth persist til morning and only starting to dissipate right exactly when Taeyong is waking up.

 _Was it merely a coincident?_ Taeyong thought.

Slowly, he gets up while patting on his wrinkled clothes to get rid of the dirt that was all over him. It didn’t take more than a few seconds and the cold air has already coils him mercilessly. Thus, he instinctively fold his arms around his body to gather and avoid anymore loss of body heat.

“Shit, the morning air is even chiller than at night,” He hissed with trembling lips.

Walking around aimlessly, he was climbing deeper into the mountain, hoping to find something or anything. Deep down in his heart, he hopes to see the God once more. Even though he is terrified by the pure presence, Taeyong has nothing to hold onto except for that God of Thunder, namely Jaehyun. How odd of how the name feels strangely _human_.

But no matter how deep he goes into the forest and almost reaching the mountain top, Taeyong didn’t see or even feel a presence of any creature at all. It feels dreadful as if he was all alone in the world. It feels horrible and scary, storming Taeyong with bad feelings. Exhausted, stressed and terrified, he falls due to his weakened knees, the feeling of being abandoned heightens along with a sense of claustrophobia, despite it's not a closed space at all. Taeyong had given up trying to walk further to _something_ that even he himself didn’t know.

“Well… Curse myself, even the God abandoned me. Perhaps I should just let myself die here from the cold,” He scoffed, eyes full of tears as he was in the verge of breaking down, sniffing hard when both his nose and throat feels blocked, either from the cold or the brimming emotions.

 

 

_“What is your purpose here, human?”_

_Taeyong gulped, eyes wide open with his forehead touching the ground as he bowed down very, very deeply._

_“I am sent here as a sacrifice for you, God of Thunder,” he answered, trying his best to sound coherent._

_“It is rare for a sacrifice to be a male human,” an amused tone was heard in the deep voice even to Taeyong’s messed head, the fear was rising even more from it. “I have no need for any sacrifice, go back to where you belong, human.”_

_Taeyong blinkinh his eyes, unsure of what he had just heard. Did the God told him to leave? What could it mean?_

_“My most graceful and kind God, I was sent here to you because we need your generous help to revive our dying village…” Taeyong muttered slowly to make a point, desperate even though he feared that the God may find him with offense._

_“I cannot help you human, you should ask help from other being. I will not keep you hopeful, go back now,” The God said with his ever deep, still and wise tone._

_Taeyong was feeling both relieved and regretful. He was relieved because the God wasn’t offended by him and he was not wanted as a sacrifice, for only God who knows what would happen to them and he certainly didn’t want to know or even experience it first hand. But he was regretful because it’s not possible for him to go back to the village, when all hope was put on him and the villagers want nothing other than getting rid of him._

_Nobody wants him, no matter where he was._

_“I can’t go back,” Taeyong whimpered pitifully, no longer capable to mind if he may come off annoying to the mighty being. “I can’t go back, I have no place to return to…” He broke down, his cries getting harder and all he wish was for the God to just end his suffering right then and there at that moment._

_However, the God didn’t do nor say anything. He just stood there motionless, with an expressionless face and piercing silver eyes. Taeyong continue to cry, wondering why was he born into this world if he is worth no purpose at all, no one wanted him except for his parents. He missed his late mother and father, wanting to run back to the man’s strong embrace. However, he could no longer get that back as the moment he took a step into the mountain, he was already declared gone, dead, vanish, cease to exist._

_As Taeyong kept his head low to the ground, a luminous light filled his sight and he instinctively closed his eyes. It was a mere second but the bright light had made him feel terrible, just like hitting a hard ground from a very high fall. He looked up only to find the God was gone, nothing was said or left. Except for all the pain and hazy mind because of the light, but then he could feel heat tickling his freezing skin. Thus, he crawled towards the heat and was brought to the ground where the God had stood._

_Wondering in awe on how the heat had cocooned him in safe warmth and lessening the pain from the bright graceful light._

_Then he fall asleep feeling warm and protected._

 

 

After a while of doing nothing productive but crying in despair, he blinks his eyes, basking at the warmth of the sun when it reaches it’s peak. Feeling the ground beneath him, it was cold and hard, Taeyong as a farmer knew best, that the ground is kind and bear so much life in this world. The hot and merciful sun at some days was the most essential for it to be possible for creatures to adapt life on planet earth. The trees, the water, the air and all of it in the world has it own use, reason and purpose, collaborating in a symphony of life with each other.

He lies down, with all the nature force wrapping around him in calming sense, filling his mind with new emotion, feelings and reason. He opens his eyes slowly, taking in all the surroundings as he was slowly becoming one with nature. It feels strange and unexplainable. He was still the same desperate human from before, but in this moment something within him was rising. It feels like the nature have their own language and teach him what life is.

He feels filled, calm and content.

Taeyong gets up, a small smile adorning his face in his newly found strength. Sighing as he let go of his past, Taeyong learns not to forget but to forgive and continue with his life as best as he can.

“Well, maybe the first thing to do is… making a fire?” He contemplates with a less shivering body as the sun shines upon him.

 

\--

 

Setting fire didn’t really help though. It did warm him but not quite so, he needs more than a simple bonfire to shelter himself from the cold and the wind. Sometimes the wind makes the fire lit brighter but sometimes it ceases it down. Taeyong had tried to gather enough wood for the fire so as to make some sort of simple hut, but he had failed miserably since there was no grass long and strong enough to act as a rope, not to mention the wood for the so-called hut starting to makes it’s way into the fire.

Frustrated, Taeyong kicks all the useless grass he gathered and screams impatiently. All the hunger, thirst and feeling cold had made him lose his patience. He may be a farmer at the valley and a good one at that, but surviving in the wilderness of a mountain was something he never learn. He had no clue of what to do, it was already good enough he managed to made fire out of nothing, it was simply a coincidence or there was something more to it.

In the last moment when Taeyong had started to think about throwing himself into the fire, a strange sense filled the air. It’s the kind of tickling heat all over his skin, sometimes pricking him and it's _familiar_. He let the strange sensation to cover him, until it started to drift away leading to a certain place. He quickly stand up from where he was squatting, chasing after the familiar heat franticly not wanting it to ever leave him. He doesn’t understand it either but the heat feels like something that can bring him into some sort of peace, protection despite it also draw fear inside of him.

As he keep following it, the feeling intensify and he began wondering whether should he keep on chasing it or not. After a few more long steps, Taeyong halted since fear starts to overwhelm him more. His heart was beating faster than the distance he had just ran. He's not an idiot, he knows what those sensation of heat are.

 _Have I came closer to where the God is dwelling? But I have been in his territory for almost a day, so why now? He had let me be, did he got bothered of my presence in the mountain now?_ Thinking about it made him gulp his thick saliva into his stress-induced dry throat. Taeyong was almost, _almost_  turning on his heels and preparing to run for his life when suddenly a shadow caught his eyes.

 _Is that what I think it is?_ Feeling happy and relieved still with unexplainable fear brimming inside him, when he spotted a small old house made of wood.

If it was not for the overwhelming prickling heat and fear, Taeyong would most likely running towards the house by now. It was small and definitely ancient looking, but the it was strangely clean and most importantly for Taeyong, _a proper shelter_. He stood motionless, staring hard at the house, stopping his feet hestitantly instead of bouncing off to it. He watched it with hawk eyes, trying to spot some sort of a figure of a human or animal, or anything really, just to know if it’s empty or not. However, the strange feeling he had been feeling tells him that the house is most probably occupied by the God.

Just as he thought so, the prickling heat on his skin dissipating slowly into thin air and he was left with cold air. Once again he felt alone. It was really strange that when the prickling heat was on his skin, fear filled him along with a somewhat sense of ease and protection, and yet now when it’s gone, he can’t help but wanting for the heat to come back although he's perfectly aware it could be a _warning_ for him.

He stood still there for a long moment, wondering what it could mean for the heat which lead him there now left him. Could it be that he caught on the God’s presence and followed it to his dwelling? Or was the presence now is gone because the God had gone somewhere else? Maybe it was the God himself who lead him there and told him to make use of the small house?

Taeyong couldn’t decide on which is the most possible scenarios but he wants to think the latter is the real answer. Almost an hour had passed and Taeyong was still staying where he was because he can’t conclude anything and couldn’t possibly ask the God’s intention. In the end, he chose to go to the house, even though he's worried that he might end up offending the God by doing so but he figured that he got nothing to lose, so why not risk it?

“The only thing that can happen is for him to kill me or something but it should be alright… I should have been dead anyway, so… _yeah_ ,” He huffed to brace himself before taking a step into the house.

The interior of the house was nice, strangely neat even though it seemed to be abandoned for a very long time. The texture of the woods are rough and aging yet it was still sturdy enough to withstand a storm. It was pretty warm inside, but still cold enough for Taeyong to be being to make a fire. There was a small, traditional furnace in the middle of the house that can be used for cooking as well, Taeyong started to make fire there, but this time it is not as easy as he did before.

After a long time struggling, shouting in despair and cursing in his attempt igniting fire -which he somehow managed to-, Taeyong decided to walk around the house to see whether there is something that he can use, but it was as empty as his stomach. He walked out from the house, circling to the back of the house and found a path of slope going down. He follows it, slowly and carefully because he can’t risk falling down and dirtied or tearing his one and only clothes. Unconsciously a big smile rose on his face when he saw a small rocky river flowing at the end of the path, he rush to it not minding a few slips here and there as he finally reach the cold, glittering and clear liquid. He cupped his hands in the water and impatiently shoved the tasty water down his throat to quench his thirst.

Water has never taste that good and never did he feels as thankful as he did now. He realizes that only in those moments of extreme need will he be grateful enough to feel how precious it is, that mere water could make him feel more grateful than any amount of gold can. He feels satisfied even though his stomach is still growing in starvation for he haven’t eat for a day now. Yet right now, that didn’t matter for him.

This simple happiness can make him go on for his life.

 

\--

 

But human is _human_. One moment they can be sated, then the next they will crave for something more. One moment they can find peace in the simplest things, then run of patience as they want something more assuring for their soul. And Taeyong is no exception.

He was sprawling on the wooden floor unable to move, stomach sounds more like a doomsday than anything else and his never ending grunting added into the miserable symphony. He had tried to hunt, setting up traps, gathering edible fruits and plants, even going fishing with his handmade spear. Out of it all he only succeed at gathering plants – _or herbs_ -, the only fruits he gathered was a handful of berries and his other attempt to get some protein down into his stomach was a complete failure. Because he hadn’t come across with any sort of animal except for the fishes in the river.

Now he is starving to the point he could no longer move a muscle. At first his head was pounding in so much pain due to the lack of food, the brain need sugar to keep functioning. But now all he felt is his mind getting hazy and drowsiness haunting him all day. At this point it won’t be long for his body to start disassembling the protein in his body to create glucose the brain is so desperately needed, and by the time that happen his health will deteriorate as his organs start malfunctioning.

Anyway, it sums up that his condition is _bad_. All the grunting noises he made was to keep his consciousness intact, a rather vain attempt to distract himself from the horrible starvation. With all the hanging sleepiness in his head, he could just give in to it and sleep his hunger in, but there is this sense of uneasiness that he might never wake up again. Even with all the talk he stated that death is no longer something he’s afraid of, his instinct took the better of him to keep him alive.

His stomach decided to growls again, shaking the old wooden floor in misery.

“It’s so not cool to starve to death…” Taeyong hissed, unable to lift even a single finger.

 

“ _Human aren't supposed to not eat for three days, are they?”_

 

At the deep and icy cold voice, Taeyong jolted into a sitting position despite his muscles screaming and head dizzy like a drunken mess. His eyes are blurry but the white brightness in front of him is definitely something he would recognize even at the end of the world. The God of Thunder, Jaehyun once again materialized in front of him with all his grace and whiteness, slowly the Godly presence downed on him like a heavy burden with overwhelming fear. His skin, clothes and hair is as white as Taeyong remembered from the first time, and his silver eyes are glinting piercingly into Taeyong’s.

“Calm down human,” he said with a low tone to ease the young human except it only further distress Taeyong as his mind is in the verge of getting insane from all the starving and sudden unspeakable fear. “You should eat.”

Taeyong took a deep breath to focus his sight and mind, trying his hardest not to stutter, “I have… nothing to eat…”

“There is a river down the slope, you will have something to eat there,” he said monotonously.

“I can’t… catch the fish…” Taeyong muttered, body shaking so much the moment The God’s eyes caught his eyes.

“Go.”

Just that one word and Taeyong found himself fighting the pain he felt all over his body to move his legs to where the river was. It took all he has to do just that, yet miraculously he didn’t slip on the slope even for once. The moment he reached the river, his mouth gaped in surprise, confused whether to be relieved or terrified at the scene. On the river’s surface there was twenty or more fishes flaring, Taeyong didn’t know if the fishes are dead or simply unconscious. His instinct took over him, this is his chance to grab the fishes so that he could sustain his life longer, all the agony his body is suffering from the starving was left forgotten at that moment. Hastily grabbing the fishes, gathering them in his arms and rushing back to the house.

Once again taken by surprise, the furnace is already lit hot by a fire and he had only noticed by then that the room was actually cold previously. He hurriedly sat down beside the furnace, dropping all the fishes he took and was about to cook it when all of a sudden a deep voice snapped him back to reality from his half crazed and starving mind.

“You took only six fishes?”

Taeyong’s eyes widened in shock, reminded that the God is still very much there in the house. The realization hit him as the strong presence wrapped him again as he’s afraid to bring his eyes meet the harsh silvery ones.

“There are more than six, isn’t there? Why only the six of them?” the deep voice once again resounded in the now warmed room.

“…If… I took all… It won’t be fair…” Taeyong said, feeling unsure and uneasy.

What he said was rather ambiguous, yet it seems to be what the God wanted to hear. After a while there is no respond from the mighty being but Taeyong could still feel the heavy presence and as he saw the deliciously browning skin of the roasted fish, the corner of his eyes caught the white brightness the God is radiating. Even though fear filled him, his curiosity was more, so he slowly turning his head to take a peek at him.

The moment his eyes landed on the God’s face, his breath hitched or more like stopped as he dared himself to believe that the silver eyes somehow soften and was not the usual piercing cold gaze, though his expression still very much the same emotionless one.

“You are a human and very much so,” the bright being says as he feels Taeyong’s stare on him, “but something about you is different.”

Taeyong is confused at the statement, he was sure the sentences means more than what is said but his head still refuse to think since he still yet to eat the now appetizing fish. He wanted to say something to the God though, but was not able to when the graceful being open his mouth for the last time.

“Still you should have left," the God clearly meant that he should leave the mountain. _He's not welcomed_. “Close your eyes human.”

This time Taeyong is more than ready to close his eyes when a bright pure whiteness filled the air, once more indicating the dissipating of the heavy presence that of a God.

Once more leaving him all alone with no answers for all the questions which risen in his mind.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow burn I told you (´～`)
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	3. Companion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was so lonely, the rare companion is something he craved so much.

_How many days has it been?_ Taeyong could hardly remember anymore, the sun rising and setting way too long and the solitude only further messing his head. The ever cold air is made easy because the fire ever alive since he keep throwing dry wood into the furnace at times, which is quite strange for him to always managed to find woods scattered everyday not too far from the house. His life is also not as miserable as it was before, he rarely ever feel starving as fishes and plant roots are easy to salvage now. How could his life become so easy suddenly?

But this fact didn’t change how his solitude eating him alive from the inside.

Maybe the struggles he had before is better than the easy life he has right now, that somehow despite the hard labors it takes his mind off of the loneliness and the time spent much more worthwhile. Now with chores done in a short time with all of it seems to be  _served_ to him, there is more time spared doing nothing.

He often find himself laying around not knowing what to do, all he do is sleep, eat, making sure the fire stay on, gathers some woods and food, eat again, wasting time by doing anything that he could, then go to sleep only for the same thing repeated over and over again. He had tried to do something, maybe planting or else, but there is no crops he could use for it. He also explored the forest, to find anything to keep his mind running and not messing up, but the forest despite it’s so vast was as empty as his heart. Still he hadn’t see any animals other than an occasionally flying and chirping birds and fishes in the river.

Taeyong is quite a lonely person even back there at the village, mostly because he has no friend and he could hardly socialize with his dad as both of them working at the field all day everyday, but it never mind him a bit. In this disposition though, he had realized that choosing to be alone is a very different than being alone.

Being alone with no one to talk to and stagnant routines for God knows days, definitely ruining him psychologically. His head was so messed up that sometimes he would laughed out of nothing, sleep never desired and at times he would engulf in self-misery, unconsciously trying to hurt himself.

Human was supposed to live in group, and Taeyong is no exception.

 

  
“Why are you scratching your neck like that? Won’t it hurt?”

 

  
Taeyong’s fingers keep digging to the skin, dragging it to the point it left trails of seeping red liquid, body lying flat on the floor as mind drifting off somewhere faraway. The voice though, able to make his head turn in attention even when his eyes are blank not focusing onto anything. It was the first time he heard the voice again after a long time, he never forgot that deep, icy voice.

“You’re bleeding,” the voice said again gaining even more attention from the human male who is sprawling like a soulless body.

It was also the first time for Taeyong’s eyes to shine again, it was very tiny but at least something within is sparkling again.

“You have to wash yourself human, with that wound and dirty skin it would risk you an infection, which can get as bad as taking your life,” the bright figure coming closer to where Taeyong is, hovering while looking down to him, “or is that what you want? Are you waiting for your life to end?”

His body shuddering at the familiar immense presence, but also surprised to find it not as scary as it does him before. He forced his numb chapped lips to work, “no…”

Gradually the brightness toned down until it was no more and a white skin touching his forehead slowly, “what a fool you are, you should have flee away from here, even if you can’t go back to the village at least you can go to the outside right? Why torturing yourself so?”

Taeyong eyed the figure, the God is not glowing anymore but the skin is still so white, rather than pale it looked gracefully beautiful, like a porcelain art, smooth and unblemished.

“Let’s get you washed,” the figure lift up his body like it weight nothing more than a feather, slowly carrying him to the river behind the house, steps steady and in rhythm.

As his toes about to dip into the water he jerk it up, “cold…”

“At ease human,” the God Jaehyun slowly putting the human into the water, settling him between the smooth big stones. Taeyong gasped as water wraps around him to his clavicle, surprised at finding the water warm with no hint of coldness. How could it be?

The God bringing his hands to wash Taeyong’s skin gently, just a simple, superficial touch yet Taeyong never felt even clearer than he is right now. Every little touch feels warms and bringing contentment within him, it was such a strange yet wonderful feeling. The silky hands then stroking on the wounded skin of his wrist, neck, chest and legs, washing it with more care.

At the gentle touch Taeyong can’t help but wanting to look at the God directly, as he’s peering cautiously into the white figure his body shuddered once more, fear filled him the moment his eyes caught the piercing silver orbs. _What is it that makes him so terrifying even though he’s handling me so gently right now?_ He closed his eyes, unable to withstand the fear.

After a good while the God lift him up from the river, wrapping Taeyong in the pure white cloth which always covering the God’s skin. It smelled so nice Taeyong’s head feels clouded in bliss and his mind started to drift off.

The darkness which wrapping him never felt so warm and protective as it did now.

 

  
\--

 

  
Next day he’s woken up, as usual he’s alone with no trace of the God ever been there. But it took only one encounter for Taeyong to feel alive again, what the graceful being washed off of him are not merely dirt but also all the ill emotions and wounds on and _within_ him. As if on reflex he bring his hand to his neck, surprised to find a smooth skin and then hurriedly lifting up his clothes to inspect his chest only to find it clear from scabs and small fresh wounds like it was before, so does his legs and wrist.

All his wounds and scars gone like they never existed.

He looked around his body in awe, it was so smooth and fresh like a baby skin. Unconsciously chuckling in happiness at the discovery, it was weird but somehow… _exciting_. The wounds were gone and so does the heavy emotions within him, right now he’s filled with happiness and cheerfulness, like he was rejuvenated and back into his younger state.

He was skipping while whistling to gather some woods for the fire, fishing out some fish for the day. He is able to do this leisurely now, cleaning the house from any speck of dust and then come to sit down by the wooden terrace. Just his everyday stagnant routine, the only difference is the happy feeling inside him.

But until when will the simple happiness last? Will it be gone again as days continues on, or will it keep on residing inside him? Will he be left alone from now on or will the God come for him again? Will this going to last until his last breathe? Free yet confined in solitude forever?

The questions running in his head as it always does since the first day he arrived in that forest. He can’t help but thinking things ahead of time while doing so would only unconsciously torturing his mind. It’s not that he’s pessimistic, yet it's a human trait to do so, it’s beyond he’s control.

 

  
“Can’t you just be thankful for what you have at the time?”

 

  
Taeyong’s head snapped to the source of the voice, heart almost bursting in unexpected happiness and relief. He couldn’t understand why, but he’s been hoping to see the God, and to see the God Jaehyun coming for him in two consecutive days is beyond elating to him. Maybe because he’s lonely and need a company.

All he knows that he’s really happy to see the God here again.

“What is your name, human?” The white figure asked while standing a few feet away from the terrace.

“Lee… Taeyong,” The human replied as he bowed at the ever heavy presence.

“Don’t bow to me Lee Taeyong,” the usual glow of the God skin is somehow overcasting even though still a bit bright, “Are you still feeling afraid?”

Taeyong raised his head, taking in the sight before him to noticed how he’s able to see the God without a shudder, although the harsh presence still very much there it’s not as frightening as it was before.

“Not so much…” He muttered uncertainly.

The God walked closer and with each step he took, it caused a skip of a heartbeat to Taeyong, then he elegantly took a seat at the same wooden terrace as Taeyong. His hand sliding out from under the white robe revealing a branch of dry leaves, giving it to the male human.

“What… is this?” Taeyong asked curiously as his hand cautiously taking the branch.

“Pluck the leaves and boil it, drink the water and it will do you good.”

Taeyong eyed the branch once more, “is this something like tea leaves…?”

“Boil and drink it,” God Jaehyun ordered sternly as he was sitting upright with both hands folded on the lap gracefully.

Taeyong hurriedly go to the kitchen after wondering how the God could look so stunning even though he’s only sitting. Following the instructions from earlier, he pluck the leaves and put it in the pot, filling it with water before placing the pot on the fire. While waiting for the water to boil, he walk back to the terrace and take a seat half a meter away from the God.

Silence filled the air as Taeyong fidgeted on his place while looking at the calm white figure across him, noticing how beautiful the God really is. The stern eyes, silver orbs which enhance the platinum silky hair, smooth full cheeks framing the sharp pointy nose and pink slightly plump lips. Oh, Taeyong noticed how the only body part of the God which isn’t white colored is the lips, somehow they look even more… _intriguing_.

“The water is boiling Lee Taeyong,” a deep voice bringing Taeyong back from his reverie.

Taeyong gasped, jolting up and ran to the pot, feeling embarrassed for staring intently at the God. He didn’t know if God Jaehyun is merely pretending or he didn’t notice Taeyong’s intense stare but either way, Taeyong still feel embarrassed. He pours the hot liquid into a clay teacup, pondering on how to ask God Jaehyun without stuttering like a fool.

“Uh…” He gulped, feeling uncertain to ask the question, “would you like some, G-God Jaehyun?”

The God turn his body slowly to take a better look at the human and let out a small chuckle from the soft pink plump lips, Taeyong’s heart felt like somersaulting within his ribcage. It was not fear but euphoria rushing all over his body, he didn’t know if his skin was colored red or black anymore, he was completely flushed.

“Are you offering the herbs which I have brought for you?” The usual deep icy voice sounded a little amused this time.

With the heavy presence of the God, Taeyong couldn’t help feeling scared of what’s to come since he guessed that he had somehow offended The God by the simple question.

However, the God’s face broke into a thin smile as he said, “No Lee Taeyong, it’s all for you, drink it.”

Not wanting to press on the God’s patience, Taeyong hurriedly bring the cup to his lips about to drink the content.

“Take a seat first before drinking it,” The god warned gently. “it will be too hot for you to drink it immediately so wait until it cools down.”

No matter how gentle the voice may sounds in Taeyong’s ear, the warning tone itself is enough to bring trembles in his body. He immediately took a seat by the terrace but this time, he had a  wider distance with the God. He brings the cup closer to his lips, blowing carefully so as to cool it down but seeing the thick hot steam, it seems that it wouldn’t cool down for quite a long while.

Taeyong jolted when the God suddenly stand up and without looking him, started to walk away into the deep forest. His heart drops, and he feels so abandoned by the sight of the leaving white figure. Reflexively putting down the cup on the wooden floor, then Taeyong ran up to the God without thinking twice.

God Jaehyun turn to face the panting human behind him with the same even expression, silver eyes glinting by due to reflection of the sunlight.

“W-where are you going G-God…?” Taeyong mumbled, feeling terrified yet unwilling to let the other being to leave.

The God stood there unmoving, eyes gazing deep into the human male. Taeyong being the human he is, unable to withstand the gaze, out of fear he’s closing his eyes and lowering his head. In that moment a familiar very bright light filled the air, reddening Taeyong’s sight behind his eyelids and he knows the moment the light dissipate and he open his eyes, the God would be nowhere within his sight.

 

  
Once again he would be left in loneliness.

 

  
\--

 

  
His heart beating so fast that he could feel the throbbing pulse in his neck and fingertips, blood rushing to his head almost causing dizziness as he stood still on the damp wooden floor with soaked feet. He was fishing at the river like any other day, bringing home two fishes to survive yet another day, things was passing with it’s usual routines. Except that right now he’s standing by the door in surprise at the white bright figure in the middle of the house. God Jaehyun had come for him again after three lonely days.

_Why did he feel so elated though?_

“How was the herb water?” the God turn to face Taeyong as the glow of his skin dimming and the heavy presence weakened.

Taeyong gaped in surprise as he stuttered to reply, “i-i-it’s good, I was able to sleep better at night a-and I felt healthier.”

“Good,” the God turned away to walk towards a table, putting something on it, “these are for you.”

Taeyong rushed to the table, not understanding why he was so urged like that, maybe because he was curious about the thing which the God brought for him or maybe he only want to have a reason to be closer to the said figure. On the table was placed three kinds of seeds wrapped by leaves and upon looking at it, the farmer inside Taeyong was surfacing with joy.

“Are this… crops seeds?” He asked with a bright smile.

“Yes, the tools you might need are all in the storage room at the back of the house.”

“Oh, but that room is locked.”

“It’s not anymore. Well then,” the God begin pacing away towards the terrace.

Taeyong immediately knew that God Jaehyun is leaving again, but he don’t want that to happen, before he knows it his body had reacted first. His hands grabbing the God’s arm to prevent him from leaving, though he let it go the moment the God turn around to stare at him.

“Don’t… Don’t go…” He whispered, feeling his heart clenching painfully.

However, the God did the same thing he had done before, standing there while staring deep into the human’s eyes because he know the human male wouldn’t be able to withstand the stare. Taeyong didn’t want to be left alone anymore, he had find protection and contentment at the presence of God Jaehyun, so he forced himself to fight the immense fear not wanting to close his eyes.

Yet Taeyong could only do so much, just in a few seconds he was already tearing up and sniffling, trembling at the mercy of the piercing silver orbs. However, he was still stubborn and the desire for the God to stay is stronger than the brimming fear inside him.

When he couldn’t take it anymore, a soft hand covering his eyes, touching his eyelids for it to close and Taeyong gasped at the sudden and gentle touch. Unconsciously he closed his eyes and the bright light filled the room. When he open his eyes he cried his heart out, fell to the ground for somehow his heart feels hollow.

He was so lonely, the rare companion is something he craved so much. All the cries he shed somehow makes his loneliness feels worse, so he stop himself with much difficulty. Forcing himself to stand up and look at the seeds which was given to him.

So he made himself busy by plowing the soil, sowing the seeds when he deemed the soil was ready enough, watering them and treating them with all the care he could give. The storage room was indeed unlocked when he goes there in need of farming tools, even though it was definitely locked the first time he’s exploring the house. The farming work proof to be able to take his mind off of the lingering loneliness, work was always his divertissement as his childhood was nothing but being bullied and exiled. He put all his affection to mother earth, feeling happy and proud when the crops are growing beautifully as if they’re his children.

However, it was only temporary because when night falls, darkness all around and he could no longer work at the field, the loneliness will come back to haunt him again, stronger every day. Every night he would cry himself to sleep wishing for any kind of company.

   
One of which was hoping for God Jaehyun to come visit him again.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor baby....
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	4. Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You have the right to be saved, Taeyong. The lone life in the forest is too much for you to bear, so leave with your dad and your friend, you can save yourself.”

 

 

“It’s beautiful.”

Taeyong snapped his head around at the deep voice coming from behind him, revealing a beautiful white figure standing elegantly at the field, inspecting the plants which he’s tending at. The day is on it’s way turning into night, the sun is setting and the sky is painted with pretty orange with a hint of purple, darkening every minutes. Everyday even with the beauty of nature cannot erase the loneliness which drowning Taeyong so much to the point his sleep never again comfortable. Relentless becoming his friend and tending the plants has lost it's cure over Taeyong.

But it took only the sight of the graceful being, the pure alabaster glow of the God Jaehyun to ease all the suffering he felt for the last ten lonely days. Taeyong couldn’t quite understand why, but he knows it that he found the entity as salvation, not only for the village but mostly for himself. Maybe because God Jaehyun has been so kind to him in the previous visits. Or maybe he was just searching for that  _something_  which he didn’t fully understand.

“God Jaehyun…” he breathed as joy filling him to the brim, tingling every inches of his skin with strange yet ecstatic sensation. A big smile growing on his lips and limbs swaying about giddily, as if his body couldn't contain the waves of excitement which come pouring out.

“You treat them very well Taeyong, they are so beautiful,” the God said still with his eyes attached to the plants in the field.

Taeyong was about to reply or saying something, any words at all at the praise, feeling even happier to be praised after the sudden visit, but then he caught a movement behind the white robe which God Jaehyun is wearing. A shriek almost exploding out his mouth with disbelief and joy at the realization.

“Ruby?!” he exclaimed in high voice. Under the white robe a little creature poking out her head much with excitement, barking and running towards him.

Taeyong instinctively crouching down to catch the cute little creature when she jumped to him, hugging her as his heart swells with fuzzy feelings of adoration and fondness. Savoring the warmth they shared, reminiscing of how they used to be together, Taeyong tighten his embrace as his eyes look up to meet the silvery ones.

“How…?” he asked bewildered.

“She got lost in the forest, she’s been following your scent for days,” God Jaehyun explained with face void of any emotions as ever.

“Ruby…” Taeyong called again in endearment, letting the dog licking his face. He feels so happy he felt like he’s going to burst.

“She’s happy to found you,” the God said eyeing the reunion still with a blank yet solemn face.

Taeyong laughed happily, speaking with a high voice in excitement, “me too, I used to fed her everyday. She was actually a stray dog but somehow she got attached to me… Well, she always run off after a meal and playing with me for a while though. She was my only friend.”

The even silvery orbs flickers, “your only friend?”

A thin sad smile drawn on Taeyong’s lips, “I have no friend other than her, Ruby. I’m quite a… lone guy. The only ones I was interacting with are my dad and her.”

He lowered his gaze, fingers brushing the smooth fur absentmindedly unable to look straight to the God, feeling relentless by the heavy silence.

“Aren’t you lonely that way?” the God asked to the young human’s surprise.

“No… I mean, I have my dad and Ruby, so… They’re all I need.”

“I see,” the God said with low voice and expressionless face, “now she’s back to you, why don’t you leave the forest?”

Taeyong didn’t answer immediately, it took him for a few seconds, “I can’t… I can’t leave.”

“You can’t go back and you can’t leave, what is it that holding you back?”

“My dad, I can’t just leave him there in the village when it’s in the brink of ruin.”

“Leave with him then, bring him out of the village with you go to somewhere else.”

Taeyong stared to God Jaehyun in bewilderment, how odd that the white entity in front of him suddenly saying all this.

“Have I violated your territory God? Is that why you keep driving me away?” he asked hanging his head low almost like a bow, feeling ashamed.

The God didn’t say anything, he stand there gazing to the half bowing man with transparent eyes, noticing the slight trembles from the thinning body.

“The strange climates, the strong gust of wind, the flood and eventually the drought was the things which you human brought upon yourselves,” God Jaehyun finally said. “I have no obligation to save them from their own faults. But you…”

The silvery orbs observing the plants, soil and the little dog in the human’s arms. “You have the right to be saved, Taeyong. The lone life in the forest is too much for you to bear, so leave with your dad and your friend, you can save yourself.”

Tears brimming in Taeyong’s eyes, threatening to fall, “…I can’t… D-dad can’t leave the village… He’s an exile, there are people to make sure he stay in the village, if he’s so much to take a step out… He’ll be killed.”

God Jaehyun stay in silence for a moment before he replied, “with a son who have a pure heart like you, he must be a good man. He would have prefer it for you to be safe rather than his own safety. Leave Taeyong, bring your friend and your dad in your heart, you won’t survive for a long time in this forest alone.”

“ _I can’t!_ I can’t just leave my dad like that!” he said in high voice almost screaming in frustration, “I- I can’t… God Jaehyun, c-can’t you please help the village? Please, please… At least I want to make sure he’s okay there a-and I don’t care if I have to die, just please, help the village…”

God Jaehyun's eyelashes flutters, almost seeming to close, “I cannot help you Taeyong, I have told you so from the beginning.”

Ruby jumped out of Taeyong’s embrace when it tightens, but Taeyong was too out of it to even notice. His face already wet with tears, hiccups escaping his trembling lips due to the overwhelming emotins, “Why… why are you suddenly saying all this…?”

“Because I have seen it, your compassion, your care and love for nature. You never took more than what you need, greed was something that doesn’t exist in you. You are different than most human, but still you’re very much a human, you can’t live alone. Loneliness is something that kills human the worst and you’re no exception. I have it in me to see you live.”

The white slender hand raise from the back of white robe, fingers delicately touching Taeyong's somewhat rough cheeks from the harsh sun, “you have to leave, Taeyong. This is no place for human to live alone.”

The touch was something simple, but from the contact a strange sensation seeping into the young human’s skin and filling his entire being with it. There are calmness, happiness but also immense grief wrapped him so to his fingertips. It wasn't his emotions, yet it was pulling and clawing at his mind, the walls of his heart and Taeyong couldn’t hold in it anymore, unknown to himself he began crying, hoping for the dreadful feeling to go away.

But no matter how loud his cries are, the grief didn’t go away until the cold fingers lingers no more on his face, and only then the terrifying sorrow start dissipating. He look up hesitantly, wiping his face with his already wet hands and gazing to the white figure whom standing in front of him full of unsaid questions.

Maybe it was just his imagination, but the God’s face seems to be pained. Maybe because his silver eyes doesn’t seem as sharp as usual, in fact it seem to be a bit overcasted, like murky water after a storm. The sight of God Jaehyun makes Taeyong’s heart tightens even more painfully, why would the Godly being seem so sad like that? What caused it? What was those sorrowful emotions which plaguing him out of nowhere?

Before Taeyong could voice out his questions, the very same cold hand covers his eyes. And he knew no question would be answered and he will be left alone.

   
Alone yet again.

 

  
\--

 

  
He looked through the balcony, watching the thick darkness of the night and the lingering heavy fog outside. The house was pretty much located high in the mountain, sometimes fogs came down and ghosting the green land, causing the temperature go down and hard to see the surrounding which then trapping Taeyong inside unless he want to risk himself getting lost. And that night the fog is especially thicker than usual, brewing anxiety in the young human’s heart.

The presence of Ruby made it better, Taeyong’s heart lighten up since it's a warmth which he could touch and hold on to. His peaceful sleeps gradually coming back, nights wasn’t something he’s afraid of anymore. The warm and tender feeling when he hold Ruby in his sleep, the up and down movement of the little creature, the sign of another life within his life had make Taeyong happy and relieved.

He no longer feel lonely, or maybe that's only what he’s trying to tell himself. He’s content, not agitated or sorrowful anymore. But he couldn’t deny there is something,  _something_  that doesn’t feel right. That something is missing, but what is it exactly, he don’t know.

His fingers tickling the little dog's forehead, causing flutters of sleepiness and a smile forming on Taeyong’s lips at the peaceful display. He’s sitting on the wooden floor, close to the lit up furnace making sure he didn’t feel cold, holding Ruby on his lap. He turned his head to look to balcony again, thoughts swimming in his head. His heart thumping slowly and steadily, but there is a certain feeling growing within him.

A feeling like he’s waiting, that there is someone he’s waiting for. But who? His father? He knew it very well that his father wouldn’t be able to come here, much less because he didn’t know where and how is Taeyong right now. The old man didn’t even know if his son is still alive or not. So who is it that he’s possibly waiting for? God Jaehyun?

He took a sharp inhale when his heart took a faster pace, almost as if trying to calm down his sudden racing heartbeats. Although he had no idea why, he couldn’t deny the excitement he’s feeling whenever he’s thinking of the certain Godly being. Is it because God Jaehyun could fill in the company he needed so much? The company which can’t be fulfilled even by Ruby since it requires the ability to communicate?

He knew it, he’s desperate for someone he could talk to, to laugh, to get angry. To assure him that everything is going to be alright. Is that what he seek from God Jaehyun? How many days has it been since he last saw the God? Has it been two weeks? No… Maybe more than that, he couldn’t exactly remember how long has it been since his sense of time got deteriorated. Sometimes he even forgot why he’s there in the mountain alone.

It seems that Taeyong is nearing his limit without he himself realize it.

 

  
Suddenly Ruby jerked up from her lay on Taeyong’s lap, ears twitching in alert with big eyes and stiff posture, startling and confusing Taeyong.

“Ruby? What’s wrong…?” he asked worriedly with a hint of fear rising in his heart, thinking there is something definitely wrong for the dog to react like that.

Then he heard the sound of rustling from outside, followed with heavy steps getting closer to the house. Taeyong instinctively wrapped his arms around Ruby, protecting her but also hoping for the creature to be able to help him. The steps getting closer along with the sound of tired, loud breathing, as Taeyong’s hearts pounding madly in his ribcage he noticed it was a human who is coming closer to the house.

He let out a sigh of relief, at least knowing it wasn’t some sort of big animals like a bear or something has calmed him down. But still he’s filled with nervousness, he didn’t know if the human is a bad person or not. He didn’t even know if the person is alone or in groups, and he’s only a farmer, what can he do to fight in defense?

Suddenly the door rattled heavily, Taeyong thanked the heavens for his cleverness for always sealing the door with a thick log. Then a bang heard as the person outside trying to open the door by force.

“ _Aw, shit…!_ ” a man voice heard sounding so desperate, “ _why won’t this fucking door open up?!_ ”

Taeyong slowly put Ruby down and ready his body into a stance, if it comes worst he have to fight off the person and he want to make sure he is prepared before it comes to that.

“ _Huh…? There is some light from inside…_ ” the muffled voice continued before the door being knocked on, “ _hey, is there somebody inside? Could you please open the door?_ ”

Taeyong stilled to the ground, holding his breath trying not to make any sound that can give off his presence.

The knocks went on, “ _please open up! Please… Help me, open the door!_ ” the muffled voice growing even more desperate so is the banging on the door.

Taeyong eventually daring himself to answer, “what do you want? Who are you?” he asked with uneven voice more distressed than the voice coming from the outside.

“ _I’m just a merchant! I’m alone and I mean you no harm! Please open up, it’s freezing here_!”

“How do I know you won’t harm me?” he asked again still not fully convinced.

“ _I’d knocked down the door without talking to you like this if I were! …Not that I’ll be able to since I’m not that strong, so I’m just your everyday weak merchant who’s passing by. Now, could you please open the door? I bet you don’t want to find a frozen corpse by your door the next morning, right?_ ” the voice urged.

“N-no merchant ever come passing here! So how do I know if merchants supposed to be weak or strong!”

No immediate answer from behind the door, silence hanging intensely in the air before a sudden cuss heard and followed with an impatient shout, “ _are we seriously having this stupid conversation?! Just open the door and I really won’t do anything! Except maybe asking for a shelter! Come on open up, help this poor man, I’m not kidding it’s freezing out here!_ ”

Although he’s still not convinced, he had no choice, it didn’t sit well with him to ignore a call for help from someone, stranger or not. He walked to the door hesitantly, wondering if it would be alright to do it as he put his hand on the thick log and lift it up letting the door to open reluctantly.

Behind the ajar door standing a man with a brown hair and a lean yet built body, grinning hopelessly as his teeth chattering due to the cold. His hands folded closely to his body with his palm hiding in his armpits, and his legs moving about trying to create heat to lessen the cold strain on his body. By the display Taeyong didn't have the heart to deny him entry, gaining an even bigger grin from the man.

“Thank you! Oh man I almost die out there! I guess the mountain is not for taunt even in the spring huh?” he said excitedly while walking himself into the house when Taeyong open the door wider. “I’m sorry I was banging on the door, I didn’t mean to scare you but I was so lost that I didn’t realize there’s a light inside indicating someone is here… I was too desperate to find shelter to rest my hurting legs, sorry.”

Taeyong eyeing the man cautiously as he sit down near the furnace, frantically rubbing his body to warm it up. He slowly sit himself down across the man without letting his eyes stray from the man. The merchant stretching his legs and massaging it while sighing pleasantly.

“Ah… Thanks man for letting me in, you really save my ass,” the man laughed wittily with crescent eyes, keeping his easy going demeanor to ease Taeyong who's tense and way too nervous.

“Are your legs okay?” Taeyong asked hesistantly, noticing the man hasn’t stop massaging his legs.

“Ah, yeah, it’s okay… Just sometimes it hurts whenever it got cold, a leftover from when I broke it,” he shrugged nonchalantly.

Taeyong eyed the legs, finding it looked normal, “how did… you broke it?”

“Well, it fractured when I was on my journey, you know, merchants has to go around to places right? The accident happened at one of those journeys, I wasn’t so lucky at that time,” he chuckled as he found it no longer a disturbing past. “I guess after that I’ve learnt to be more careful and cautious.”

Taeyong fell silent, trying to understand every words the man said. Although he had been wishing for someone to talk to, his ability to socialize has decreased considerably due to being alone for a long time. The fast way the man was talking, the thick accent in his pronunciation was quite hard for him to catch on and understand. Words already something he need to listen slowly and carefully one by one to understand it.

And only then did he realized that he never really talk anymore. And how he found it comfortable to talk to God Jaehyun because the certain being has always been talking to him in a slow and firm manner for him to caught on every words easily. And how without much words said between them, although fear also present, he found himself feeling safe and content merely by the presence of God Jaehyun.

_Oh why did he suddenly thinking about God Jaehyun again? Why is it he always found himself thinking about him no matter what he was doing every single day?_

“…I’m Wang Jia Er,” the deep voice cut in Taeyong’s thought, bringing the young man out of his reverie.

“What?” he asked confusedly as he wasn't really listening to the man’s chattering.

“My name is Wang Jia Er,” the man repeated with a smile not minding Taeyong hasn’t been listening to him, “you?”

“I-I’m Lee Taeyong…” he answered with a nervous nod, unable to maintain any sort of eye contact.

“How long have you been here Taeyong?” Jia Er asked right away not bothering about formalities.

Taeyong blinking his eyes, shifting his body in agitation, finding the attention rather disturbing, “I-I don’t know… Maybe a couple of months?”

“Have you been alone for such a long time?” he frowned curiously.

“Yeah…”

“I see, I guess I understand why you’re behaving like this.”

“What?” Taeyong looked up to stare into Jia Er’s eyes only to look away again.

“Sorry, I just assumed so since you're behaving similarly to an acquaintance of mine who's socially awkward. I noticed you avoid eye contact...”

Taeyong fiddling his fingers relentlessly, “what do you mean…?”

“You know, being alone for a period of time can kinda done something to people… They become awkward, finding it uncomfortable to be around another human, they find it hard to settle within people. Which reminds me, why are you here?”

Taeyong’s body stiffen at the question, he couldn’t possibly say that he’s there to be a sacrifice for a God, could he? Actually, he no longer know why he’s there, the God obviously have no intention to take him as a sacrifice. He was stuck there, no place to go or back to. He’s truly alone. He didn’t have any idea of how to answer that so he keep quiet.

The hard stare of Jia Er only makes him even more nervous, eyes flickering everywhere as his neck starting to jerks by itself due to the tense stress alone. It’s strange, he never felt this way before. It’s so uncomfortable that he wanted to run from his seat.

“Well,” Jia Er suddenly cleared his throat almost like he’s trying to ease the heavy atmosphere, “I really need a shelter now, is it okay for me to stay here for a while?”

“…how long?” he asked with his eyes still attached to the wooden floor.

“I don’t know, maybe a few days until my legs good to go again or for the fog no longer blocking the sight,” the man shrugged casually letting Taeyong to decide before his eyes suddenly perks up, “hey, is that your dog?”

Taeyong turned his head following Jia Er’s eyes, Ruby was walking cautiously behind Taeyong as if she want to get closer to the merchant.

“Yeah…” he answered when Ruby curiously smelling Jia Er’s fingers.

“That’s cool, hey little one, can I stay here? Hmm?” Jia Er cooes, holding Ruby up with a bright smile, affection radiating so apparent in his eyes.

At such display Taeyong found himself a bit relieved, a part of him could feel it that the Jia Er guy is not a bad person. And didn’t he want a person to talk to? Isn’t this just the right time? Even though Jia Er’s arrival was something he needed, the warmth of another which he craves so much, why is it he still got the feeling that something is missing?

He looked through the balcony where the fog have yet disappear, still lingering thickly on the dark just like the strange loneliness in his heart.

 

  
\--

 

  
Taeyong has been getting better by the company of Ruby and Jia Er. It’s only been five days since the merchant wander into Taeyong’s temporary home, yet at such short time he’s already showing progress of getting better. He no longer stutter his words, he’s able to understand Jia Er’s fast way of speaking and he no longer jerks up too much due to nervousness. He’s still awkward but definitely better.

Jia Er is a sweet guy, almost appears serious at all time but actually likes to joke around. He’s witty but for the currently awkward Taeyong, sometimes he couldn’t understand the jokes which then leaving Jia Er to laugh bitterly at himself. The man also found things from the forest which he could sell, so he’s also stocking up in some way, but never he fail to help Taeyong with daily chores.

With the way things are, Taeyong is happy, feeling more content than ever since he’s stuck at the forest. He no longer had any difficulties to fall asleep, no nightmares, he found himself laughing genuinely at Jia Er’s jokes sometimes and every time loneliness rearing it's head, the presences of Ruby and Jia Er will always ease it down.

So what is this unspeakable gnawing feeling in his heart? He shouldn’t feel lonely anymore, he got Jia Er and Ruby now, so what is it? Or does he felt that way because he knew Jia Er will leave him sooner or later? But the image of the merchant going away in his head doesn’t really bother him.

_What is it?_

 

  
“Taeyong,” Jia Er called when the both of them tending the field with Taeyong caring for the soil’s condition while the merchant watering the plant. The still a bit awkward man lifted up his face slowly, looking straight into the other man’s eyes.

“I’ll be going tomorrow, I’ve been thinking I’ve stayed here for too long… I guess I was in need of some vacation,” he informed with a humorless laugh and a steady yet slow words, “I’m sorry it’s too sudden.”

Taeyong rise from where he was squatting down, patting the back of his pants as his eyes stays to the ground. “It’s okay, I already know you will go,” he said surprised at his own calmness, “just be careful on your way.”

Jia Er shifting his body weight between his legs hesitantly, “uh… How about you come with me?”

The young farmer blinking his eyes, thinking he’d somehow misheard the words.

“I mean, you’re alone here, what for? You will do well in a place with many people, what is it that holding you here? Why don’t you just come with me to another town? If you want I can even let you travels with me, I can teach you to be a merchant! You’ll see many towns and their own unique cultures, I bet you’ll like it. So why stay here?” Jia Er said with his most persuading words, his ever bright eyes and smile, arms stretched out excitedly.

It did honestly tempt Taeyong, the stories which Jia Er had told him every night really intrigued him. He wondered how different the people are just because of the difference of their regions, and what makes them different, he wants to see many colors and shapes which he didn't see in his very tiny world. But mostly he want to see the sea, the sparkling blue water which taste salty as Jia Er said it, and how vast it was that you can’t see the end of it.

Now Jia Er asked him to come along with the promise of seeing all of it, broadening his world. How could he not be interested? Of course he is, but then, if he leave now, what about his father? If he leave and no help come to the village, how could he continue living with the worry of what become of his father? Could he be so selfish to leave the place?

The only place that he shared with God Jaehyun in some odd way?

His heart started beating faster, feeling it constricting painfully at the thought of leaving the place. The memories of him being tortured by loneliness didn’t falter the anguish at the thought of leaving that place. That there is something bigger than his need and desire to leave, but what is it? What chained him there? He doesn’t know, was it his father? Some part of it, yes. But the other part…?

“I’m sorry Jia Er, I can’t leave this place,” he answered finally.

“Why?” the merchant asked with sad face, “I already thought of you as my brother, I promise I can support you.”

Taeyong smiled warmly at the genuine expression, “I’m really happy that you thought of me that way, but I really can’t. There’s a duty which I have to fulfill and… There is something… That made me very reluctant to leave this place.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. But maybe, when he come again… I’ll know the answer.”

Jia Er didn’t say anything, his eyes inspecting Taeyong's face, noticing his eyes clears and there's lingering thin smile which indicate his determination.

The merchant chuckled lowly, “maybe you already know the answer.”

 

  
\--

 

  
“Why didn’t you leave?”

 

  
Taeyong turned to face the source of the deep voice, his heart leaping at the sight and a small smile forming on his lips as his entire being washed in realization.

“There is something that chained me here,” he answered with his eyes staring straight into the silvery orbs. It still caused him fear, but more than that was something else, a much more overwhelming feeling which tingling inside him down to his fingertips.

“You lost your chance to leave this place, he would never found his way back here again.”

“That is okay,” Taeyong slowly took a step closer to the graceful white figure, fingers gliding on air almost touching the silky white robe, closing his eyes as he savors the heavy presence thoroughly in his heart, “that’s okay…”

God Jaehyun stood unmoving at the close contact, the bright silvery eyes softening under the dim light of the moon, “you are a fool, Taeyong.”

The thin smile rose brighter and fuller, “but I’m always true to my own feelings.”

“Since when did you speak like this?”

Taeyong opened his eyes still with his bright smile, “since you decided to do the same.”  _Because you said you want to save me, then I too, want to see more of you. I will not let fear take that away from me._

The God then walking away, every steps takes him away from Taeyong and into the dark forest, leaving the warm and bright house. Leaving Taeyong alone again with no company other than the little dog, Ruby. The sight of his broad back clothed in white robe getting further and not once did he ever turn back before his figure got engulfed by the darkness with no trace left. Sadness, hopelessness and loneliness haunting Taeyong’s heart once again, they're always there whenever the certain Godly being not around.

Even when Jia Er was present, bits of them was there.

Did he offended the God for him to leave like that? How is it that he became so brave to suddenly speak that way to the God? Did he really think the Godly presence is no longer scary because he also provide him a sense of safety? Or is it because he didn’t mind it anymore if his life is God Jaehyun's to take?

He did realized his feelings, but his sudden bravery was something else altogether. He decided to go to sleep before his mind wander off needlessly and make him over think. That night he struggled to fall asleep, it never came to him until the night almost turning to dawn. His head was a mess so is the dream he was experiencing. The moment he woke up, he felt tired rather than rested.

That is until he sees the white figure who’s sitting gracefully at the balcony and so effortlessly brighten his mood for the day. And his bad dream left forgotten as he rose excitedly to face his new day.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	5. Contentment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So are you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: implied abortion, mentions of abandoned babies.

“Good morning God Jaehyun,” Taeyong greeted warmly yet another day with the same sentences. His heart swelled in happiness upon finding the God still showing up for almost a week in a row now. Something which never happen before.

“Good morning Taeyong,” the deep flat tone replied and it caused more joy to bubble up in the human’s heart.

“God Jaehyun, I’ll go now to tend the field and… gather some food and wood,” he said, feeling quite hesitant despite the fact that he had done so for the past few days. Nonetheless, the God didn’t answer and it's not a surprise that he never did, always so quiet, spare no words unless really necessary. However, the moment the beautiful porcelain like face turned elegantly to face him with understanding in his eyes, was more than enough.

Right before he finally walk out the house, Taeyong turned around to look at the thunder God, who was settled on the balcony and bathed in the beautiful unearthly morning sunlight and stroking at Ruby's stomach. The light enhancing the white features of the God, making him look even more beautiful and ethereal. Always such a sight to see, like art, like whispers in poems, indescribable and can only be appreciated with all senses one could have.

Taeyong then began his day, doing his routine of tending the field to make sure the plants growing healthily and beautifully. He's really tentative and focused on it because the healthier the plants becomes, the prettier the smile of the God's will reward him. After it he will take a stroll in the forest, gathering wood and food, the fishes from the river and some other fruits or vegetables he could find. Sometimes if he’s lucky enough, he would be able to get some nuts or even mushrooms, though he never dared to eat some of it since he have little knowledge whether they're poisonous or not. However, that mindset of him gradually changing because God Jaehyun is teaching him how to differentiate them and which ones aren't good to be consumed. And not only for wild plants, but also in term of life.

It is somehow strange but inevitable for his life to revolve around God Jaehyun, but Taeyong thinks that it is not wrong of him to see the God being as his everything. His savior, his gentle companion and his love. Yes, _love_. He did think that maybe his feelings was manifested because God Jaehyun is the only contact he has in his solitude circumstance, but then again he had met Jia Er and not an ounce of feelings grow within him for the man. 

Whatever the cause is, he knows what he is currently feeling.

He moved his legs to bring him back to the house, _their home_. It may be temporary but for him, it rings beautifully to his ears. Noticing that the God isn’t present in the house, he puts the items he had gathered orderly to their respective places, and when he was about to place the woods, he had noticed that lately, the fire didn’t consumed so much wood to burn. The room stayed warm even though there was some occassions when he had forgotten to add wood and the fire is about to die down. Again, was it due to the God’s presence?

He took a bucket and headed towards the river, where he had learnt for the past few days that this is the place where God Jaehyun settle down for that time of the day. As he bowed to the white figure, who was sitting on a huge smooth stone, he earned a shallow nod in response. It was such a simple thing, yet enough to make Taeyong feel extremely giddy and also giggling like a fool. With his now trained hands, he was able to fish out the fishes even though he kept giggling to himself for no reason. When he was about to get another fish, he saw something which surprised him.

“ _Ducks_!” he exclaimed, eyes focused to the flock of ducks swimming near the God’s white slender legs, which caused him to lose focus even more.

God Jaehyun looked up after caressing one of the duck's head, turning his attention to the young human, “Yes, they are. Is this your first time seeing them?”

“Yes! I mean, no… This is my first time seeing animals in the forest, other than the fishes in the river… Oh! Ruby being the exception.”

Taeyong's heart skipped a beat when he watched with wide eyes a pretty smile curving the red thick lips, adorning God Jaehyun’s beautiful face. The God was already too beautiful to haunt his dream, now with those smiles, it will haunt him even in his waking hours.

“The animals are merely hiding their presences because they’re not used to human. In another words, they are afraid.”

He watched dreamily as the lean fingers of the God caressing the smooth feathers of the ducks. How can such a simple movement looked so graceful and elegant? He was often told he was a very beautiful man and that he stood out from the other villagers, but his beauty wasn't anywhere near the beauty of God Jaehyun. There is something about the God that was beyond human’s comprehension.

So pure, elegant and beautiful was the God he only dared himself to admire rather than to try to gain anything. He didn’t even dare to dream about it.

 

\--

 

“I am not my father’s son.” Taeyong answered softly that night when God Jaehyun asked him why the other villagers were treating him badly.

 

_“Why can’t you go back to the village? Shouldn’t you be able to talk to them about how their plan wouldn’t work?” God Jaehyun said, breaking the silence that night when Taeyong was about to drift off to sleep._

_The human titled his head to face the sitting God by the balcony, silvery eyes staring at him yet no longer the same piercing gaze as before. They hold a gentleness which is so foreign to Taeyong._

_“They hate me, they always try to get rid of me… Now they finally are able to, how could I go back to that place?”_

_A long silence was felt before the God asked again, “why?”_

 

“Neither I'm my mother's child,” Taeyong mumbled, feeling a little perplexed on why he was not reluctant to spill his dark secret. It was never a secret for the villagers but it was for him, as he tried his best to _deny_ it. God Jaehyun didn’t say anything, as he was a being of few words and thus, the current situation further making him mute. However, Taeyong doesn’t mind since he could feel it that the God’s attention is fully on him, he's listening.

“The landlord often dispose of many babies or remnants of fetus near the village, which were not needed in the castle, mostly the result of his doing with his female slaves."

He took a deep breathe before continuing with a tight voice, “I... was one of those thrown away babies. _Unfortunately_ , I survived the night when I was dumped, even though all the babies before me never survived.”

Taeyong flinched a little when he felt something touching his hair, only to realize that God Jaehyun was sitting beside him and caressing his forehead soothingly. The silvery eyes then peering down with the softest gaze he ever seen.

“The villagers never wanted me…” Taeyong said, underlined with soft sobbing. “They were thinking of letting me rot to death, covering me with a thick blanket so that my cries were muted. They were too much of a coward to even finish me properly.” He heaved in a shaky breath, cheeks wet with tears and heart clenching painfully. He better off not knowing these, but of course those people love to sink the sharp blade deeper into his flesh by reminding him this story over and over again.

“My adoptive parents took me in despite all the protests from the villagers. They saved me because whatever and however it is, I’m still a living soul, a breathing life who had my rights to live... They were so kind to me as they treated me like their own blood and flesh... but I paid them with evil” his cries pouring out controllably, shaking the lean body of the poor young human in misery, anguish tainting the air.

“Evil?” the usually toneless deep voice never sounds so soothing as it did then, as if God Jaehyun is being sympathetic. White slender fingers continue to ease his anguish.

“They never stop… Even years later the villagers still hated me, they kept cornering my mom and dad. T-they caused her to fall sick due to the stress and pressure, that illness killed my mom and that’s because of me!” Taeyong screamed in terror, guilt gnawing his soul and realization that he was seeking for atonement when he took the path into the deep forest. “I killed her!” his cries rippled the silence of night dreadfully.

A tender, delicate touch stroked his wet cheeks, warm hands catching not only his skin but also his sinking heart. It was the first time he ever talked about it to anyone even though it was a known fact among the villagers.

“Your birth is a fortunate blessing,” The God whispered gently, silver orbs flickering in the calmest demeanor. “There is never a single life that is not blessed. They all hold a purpose of this vast world. To the world, we are a single tiny grain but nonetheless we are part of the circle of life. There are always the bad and the good within everything in the world, night and day, dark and light, but they are one.”

The God slowly wiped the tears with his thumb, brushing his bangs to the side with his tender fingers, placing a soft kiss on Taeyong's damp forehead. “Without you, your adoptive parents wouldn’t be able to feel the joy to hold their precious son in their arms. Without you they wouldn’t be able to bask in happiness whenever they see their son growing up and smiling back at them. Without you so many life of plants wouldn’t ever taste the warmth of sunlight and the contentment the water provided. Without you the dog would starve to death and she wouldn’t ever know what is kindness.”

The silvery eyes gaze deep beyond his soul, a thin yet warm smile convincing him of his worth. “You are so much more Lee Taeyong, you are blessed and you have blessed so many other’s life with you kindness, courage and forgiveness. You always hold the purpose for a better world ever since your birth, you are worth so much more.”

“Even though I had killed my mother?” he whimpered, seeking for more warmth as his hands grabbing on the white robe tightly.

“That is life, that is fate, every life always come to an end, you hold no power over it and it is no one fault. Every living thing holds their own purpose, everything happens for a reason, bigger than we could comprehend. Even those people who had intentionally hurt you and your parents, they have their own purpose. Nothing good can stay forever, it is always balanced with bad. In the end, it depends on how you perceive it. If you try to understand it better, the bad things always leads you to a greater good when you acted on it correctly.”

God Jaehyun caress the young human’s cheek slowly, “You are loved Taeyong, you are pure… and there is no need for you to atone.”

Taeyong sniffled at the gentle tone, not realizing when did he embrace the white figure in his arms, burying his face to the crook of God Jaehyun’s neck. Seconds later he realized that his action could offend the God but he was finally in so much of peace, even if his mind keep urging him to let go, he didn't want to. As he become more conflicted, there's a warm hand delicately stroking his back like a sweet lullaby.

“Sleep now Taeyong, wash away all your sadness.”

 

\--

 

The next morning he woke up late. The sun already perched up high in the sky and the birds were chirping too loudly for one's liking in the morning. He looked around and noticed that the God was nowhere near him. He walked to the middle room, surprised to find all his daily chores had been completed. Food was already prepared and the house was cleaned thoroughly and when Taeyong took a peek outside, the fields are tended too. His heart warmed up at the thought that God Jaehyun had done all of that.

But then, he had nothing else to do, seeing that all of it had already been done. He turned his head to the balcony, eyes widening when he caught the sight of the God sitting elegantly there, accompanied by a big wolf with beige colored fur. When the big animal opened its eyes, bright blue orbs aligning to his deep brown eyes and Taeyong feels terrified. It’s a wolf after all, and a _big_ one at that.

The God then took a glance at Taeyong, with a smooth movement of his slender wrist he motioned for the young human to come closer. Taeyong complying hesitantly as the bright blue eyes still staring at him intently, afraid that the wolf would abruptly launch to him.

“What do you think of her, Taeyong?” God Jaehyun asked when Taeyong is sitting beside him, bright white hands still stroking the full, thick fur.

The wolf is majestic, beautiful and dignified. But also scary, Taeyong is terrified and he didn't know what he should answer. Just when he about to answer, God Jaehyun's hand caught his and placed it on the thick fur, “Try petting her.”

Inwardly, Taeyong was shrieking in horror, already have the images of his hands being ripped off by those sharp teeth, but if God Jaehyun told him to do so, then he will do it. At first, he was doing it very slowly since being overwhelmed with fear, but after a while he gained confidence and started stroking the thick smooth fur more firmly. Almost instantly when he did that, the wolf leaned to his touch sweetly asking for more.

“Beautiful isn’t she?” God Jaehyun said with a smile, and Taeyong smiled back at those not so rare smiles anymore. “And she’s not at all like what you had imagined her to be, right?”

“Yeah… She’s beautiful,” He agreed as he could feel warmth and gentle thudding of a heart beneath his palm.

He almost jolted away when a hand pressed firmly on his chest, silvery eyes gazing into him genuinely, “so are you, Lee Taeyong.”

 

_So are you._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ヾ(*´∀｀*)ﾉ
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	6. Desire

"Take my hand," the velvety voice said as a beautiful hand reach out to Taeyong elegantly.

However, he was not in a right state of mind, his feet was slipping and the ground beneath starting to come loose and crumbling down. He is terrified and too focused on his standing to put his trust on something else. When his feet slipped even further down and he feels the gravity pulling him down harshly, he screamed with his hand instinctively holding onto anything, catching God Jaehyun's hand he did.

Strangely, as soon as his hand make contact with the smooth white hand, he feel his body become stable and the ground feels no more like a slippery slope. He looked up in surprise and awe, finding a little smile directed to him in a calming manner, then the hand tug on his gently, cuing for them to continue travel down.

The view was amazing and breathtakingly beautiful, which he failed to notice when he's too absorbed in keeping himself safe and not fall down the steep slope. God Jaehyun walking in front of him while keeping his hold on Taeyong's hand and smiling to encourage him every now and then. Even until their feet touch the even ground at the bottom of the slope, their hands stay linked and so the Godly being pull him closer to their destination.

Taeyong feels like dying everytime God Jaehyun glancing to him, butterflies taking over his whole being. The God's expression was so tender and even though the silver eyes with dark pupils look ever stern, it was soft and gentle as pretty as the thin smile. He was so beautiful that Taeyong's heart began beating erratically even more than when he's almost fall from the high cliff.

For a couple of weeks now Taeyong had realized how God Jaehyun is becoming gentler and not so distant anymore. Every night when he's about to fall asleep, tentative fingers tenderly brush his hair, causing both ease and heart leaping at the gesture. Sometimes when sadness plague him like a bad disease, he found himself cradled in the Godly being arms, soothing words caressing his tears stained cheek and he would press closer and tighten his hold over the warm torso under the soft white robe. Every morning God Jaehyun would company his breakfast time with Ruby and the beige wolf without saying anything but the light in his eyes are gentle and warm.

But what he likes the most is that every day the white being would always take him to walk to beautiful places. The fact that God Jaehyun had let Taeyong to be with him all day is making him giddy, and that he cared enough to walk him is too much to comprehend. He tried to stay as the admirer he was, but deep down he couldn’t deny the wish of wanting more. _And more_.

"The ocean is even bigger and prettier than this," the God said while looking at the big lake surrounded by reddening leaves and tall, tight trees, the clear deep water reflecting the light causing a beautiful twin image rippling on the surface.

"It's beautiful..." Taeyong breathed, taking it all in until his heart feels full, but mostly when the God said the words,

"Just like you."

This was something Taeyong realized too, that God Jaehyun would always said that he's beautiful and worthy. Maybe he said it because he want Taeyong to let go of the past, which he's starting to, but more than that it only makes him fall even deeper. Deep in his feeling, he wants to make the Godly being _his_ and caring _only for him_. He was being greedy and he was afraid of it, so he would always suppressed his feeling to the bottom. Though this only further making him fall hopelessly deeper in love and desperation.

The gentle smooth hand then tugged on his, bringing him out of reverie and looking up to the silvery eyes, golden honey colors in it due to the sunlight making it even more beautiful, more beautiful than the lake view.

"Do you want to try the water?"

Taeyong blinked, "but it's autumn now, although it's still relatively warm, but..."

"Go on if you want to, I'm here."

And Taeyong understood the words, just like that time when they met a panther whilst taking a walk, despite Taeyong feeling terrified over a lot of possible scenarios, the leopard growled lowly in appreciation when it padded closer to God Jaehyun instead. That was the first time Taeyong ever touch a panther. Or when rain start pouring while they were outside, the rain never hit them as if there's an invisible force shielding them. So he knew, nothing bad would happen if he decides to swim in the lake now.

He took off his clothes and dipped his feet into the lake, smiling widely when he's feeling the water warm against his skin. He then began swimming, feeling happy and relaxed to be able to swim in warm water. That is until he heard a splash behind him, he turned his head and got surprised finding God Jaehyun also coming into the lake without taking off his robe.

Against his own control, his heart begin to beat faster when those slender fingers motioned for him to come closer. "Come here Taeyong," the voice said like a gentle caress and he was already swimming towards him instantly.

The God then had him within his arms, washing his skin slowly, like giving a bath to a child. Beautiful fingers kneading his head and brushing through his hair gently before going down to wash his neck and shoulder. He was basking in bliss, savoring the warmth of the water and the pleasant touches, gradually feeling sleepy from the peace they bring forth within him. Until the hand start reaching lower and he gasped, catching the white hand with his rough, tanned ones in a snap.

"D-don't," he quickly said in mumbles, eyes painted in shame and fear as it peering up to the silvery ones. "You don't need to..."

The God didn't say anything, he just let his hand travel back upwards, continue to stroke Taeyong's back slowly. Yet that fleeting moment had already make Taeyong feel so ashamed of himself. Somehow he can't forgive himself for having that thought, he put fault on himself for desiring the pure holy being. He was in the verge of crying since feeling like a dirty and ungrateful person, but then God Jaehyun took his hand, squeezing it gently before smoothing the white palm over his arm and back to his nape.

"You're beautiful," he said and a single lone tears escaped from the human's eyes. It's as if God Jaehyun had assure him that's not wrong. That what he's feeling is not a fault and he's still beautiful and not dirty. An overwhelming feeling bursting from his every cells at the words, letting him fall without safety and sink deeper than he ever does. Strange how such a blissful, happy burst of emotions could feels so painful too at the same time, too foreign, too much of happiness.

That night when Taeyong is lying down on God Jaehyun's lap with gentle fingers in his hairs, he feels at _home_. That he finally know how it's feel to be protected, to be _safe_.

 

\--

 

"Come Han."

Taeyong watched as the big furry creature padded towards the sitting God, fingers immediately stroking on the head of the wolf, gaining a low growl of appreciation. Ruby hasn't come back since the wolf stays with them, she probably went to his dad, Taeyong wish she did. Looking at the scene before him though, he couldn’t deny that he feels like that wolf whenever those fingers touched him. That he was treated as gentle as the God treats the wolf. He thought, is he in the same level as the wolf in God Jaehyun's eyes?

"Would you like a bath, Han? You seems pretty down lately," the God said with much care and was replied with a snout gently nudging his chin. "I see."

"Did you named her Han?" he asked when a certain ache ringing in his heart.

"Han is the name I gave her, but she have her own true name."

"True name?"

"True name is the name which holds power over creatures. If I use her true name she would be submitted to me and nothing would be able to oppose it even if the creature themselves who resist it. Absolute submission."

"Oh," he was speechless. But from the way the wolf acted, it seems the wolf adored the God willfully, not by force. "Did you...?"

"No, I never use it even though she gave it to me," God Jaehyun keep stroking the wolf as she lay on his lap. "No one have the right to force another being."

"Oh," Taeyong let out again, not fully understand the concept.

But as he see the wolf, defenseless and showing her belly to the God, he thought, maybe the meaning of giving their true name is to show trust and loyalty to that one person. If it's so then, he want to do the same, to give his true name to the God. To let him know that he trust him and he'd give his everything to the Godly being. To feel that his entire being belongs to the God.

Even if it's a painful force of submission, if it's means that there will a bond connecting them, Taeyong would give his true name. _Without a second thought_.

But he can't, he don't even know what it is. He don't think he have it.

"Most human do not have a true name, so you might not understand it," God Jaehyun said as if he heard Taeyong's thoughts, somehow causing the young human to blush.

"Why?" he asked, trying to forget his wishful thoughts.

"True name is a magic from the energy of nature, the force of universe. Most humans are detached from nature, they live and drown within their own self. They could not feel the energy tugging at their soul." As the God said it, the silver eyes fall at his human eyes, the deep gaze piercing through his soul and beyond. And a familiar sense of fear growing within him, as if pressing him down to the ground, to submit. So strong was the fear it force him to lower his head down until he no longer share a look with the God, a force that rendered him feeling small and useless in front of the pure essence.

His eyes starting to wet, feeling scared and ashamed as if the God rejected him in the most painful way. Yet he stays stubborn and unmoving even though he could only fixated his gaze to his lap hopelessly. But then the tight, tense atmosphere slowly dissipating and he found his body relaxing and able to inhale a deep breath again. Still tears dripped onto his lap from the remnants of the powerful force.

"Yet you're somehow different," the God's calm and sweet voice said, opting the human to slowly look up in forced bravery. And he found, no longer the harsh gaze on him anymore, but a gentle and soft one like he witnessed in the past few days.

Like a scar being soothed, Taeyong have it in him to ask the question, "do you have a true name, God Jaehyun?"

And those silver eyes goes into the distant, leaving Taeyong alone with his thoughts as he wanders further away letting the gap between them even wider.

"I do."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	7. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Taeyong?"

Lately, Taeyong had been feeling nervous almost all the time and became more clumsy. Because he felt eyes on him in everything he does, cooking, foraging, cleaning and even when he's bathing or sleeping. However, everytime he turned his head to look at the source of those gaze, he found soft, gentle eyes looking straight at him instead of the usual stern look, sometimes with a small smile adorning the beautiful face. Taeyong would blushed until the tips of his ears feels burning and still God Jaehyun's eyes resting calmly on him.

"It's so strange," the God suddenly said in one of those nerve-wrecking days.

"W-what is?" he couldn't help but to stutter when those silver eyes still staring at him intently.

"I merely look at you and you become red, how is that possible?"

Taeyong blushed harder at that and turned his face away to hide, feeling so embarrassed he wants to run away.

"Oh, look, like this," the God appeared in front of his face causing Taeyong to jolt back in surprise. He had almost forgotten that the God can practically teleport anywhere.

He whined before covering his face with both hands, crouching down so as to not let it seen by the God no matter what. He can't help to react that way, he honestly loves the attention but still he's feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Then, a warm hand start stroking his head and lifted his face to look up, Taeyong's heart almost stop at the sight when he look at the God. A wide smile, not a small smile like before but a _real smile_ blooming on God Jaehyun's red plump lips, so beautiful and breathtaking.

"Do I make you feel uneasy?" the tender voice asked and fingers caressing his head.

A warm, overwhelming feeling starts to burst out from Taeyong's heart, running and tickling his veins to the fingertips. He wants to embrace the being in front of him, how he wishes to burry his face to the fair skin, breathing in the addictive scent, touching the glowing skin with his own. And how much he wants to taste those red full lips, sweet looking like a gleaming cherry.

However, God Jaehyun took a step back, his fingers no longer touching him, bringing Taeyong out from his trance and in an instant, all he feels is disgust and shame towards himself for having such unsightly desire. He lowered his head and sniffed in the ill emotions, trying to walk away from the welcoming, radiating warmth of the God. But what happened later was something Taeyong unable to comprehend, as if he got brain freeze and he can no longer think.

A smooth hand touched his wrist and a gentle, soft warm skin on his temple, a short _kiss_ from the God.

Taeyong's eyes almost bulge out from shock, so much he's in denial for understanding the situation. Did God Jaehyun really kiss his temple? His heart was beating even more erratic at the realization, blood rushing all over his body that he guessed he looked like a boiled crab now.

"Hmm? It doesn't work? Han always love it when I kiss her," a slight frown on the God's face, but it didn't look angry or annoyed, Taeyong could tell that it looked a little disappointed.

He wanted to say, or _shout_ , that he love it too, _so much_. How can he not? The being he loves _kissed_ _him_ , he didn't even know if this is real or just a dream. It seems he got tongue-tied that he's unable to even utter a word that leave him gaping dumbly. And blushed even more massively than before, if that even possible.

Before he know it his head feels dizzy and then blackened out.

  
\--

  
"You fainted, too much blood rushing to your head," God Jaehyun said when he saw the human stirring, gaining consciousness.

Taeyong didn't understand right away, too clouded to even remember his own name, until slowly the realization seeping in and he blushed again in shame. He cursed himself in his head of how embarrassing he was.

God Jaehyun frowned again, "You're red again, how can I help you?"

Taeyong palmed his face and bit his lips before he uttered the words shyly, "it's because you're near me..."

"Oh," the God let out as his eyes slightly getting wide, then proceeding to get away from the human.

At that, instinctively Taeyong caught God Jaehyun's wrist in his grip, hastily sitting up to catch the slipping figure, "no no no no! It doesn't mean I hate it!"

The Godly being didn't say anything, eyes staring straight to the human as the stern expression resting on his face. Yet he didn't reject nor get offended by Taeyong's touch, he just stay still. Taeyong tighten his grip before he lowers his head and whispered, "it's because I like it..."

Then the warm fingers caressing his chin and lifted up his face for his eyes to land on the God, a bright beautiful smile thrown at him, "I see."

His heart leaping so much more at the endearing sight, he can't believe it how he's able to see expressions on those face now. How he could see the God smile or even make any other expressions, it's as if God Jaehyun is letting him in and no longer being distant anymore. And how is possible for him to feel so much emotions just from a mere smile of the God?

"Then why are you becoming red?"

Taeyong wanted to lower his head again in embarrassment, but the fingers on his chin won't let him, "be-because... I'm not used to it..."

Another kiss under his eyes, the lips felt silky on his skin yet burning due to the overwhemling emotions it caused to the human, a whimper passed his lips at the tender touch and kiss.

God Jaehyun caressing his head and nape then leaned in to say in a smooth voice, "You're no longer alone Taeyong, I'm here with you."

Taeyong swear he didn't mind dying in such bliss.

 

\--

 

"Taeyong it's late," God Jaehyun called when the human was busy chopping wood outside the house.

Taeyong nodded before cleaning up the rest of woods and was about to go to the small river behind the house when the God called again for him.

"Come here Taeyong."

He comply reluctantly since he was sweating and he didn't want the God to find him stink, so he situated himself a bit far from God Jaehyun, causing a small frown on the beautiful face. The God didn't say anything though, he just placed some clothes in front of Taeyong.

"God Jaehyun," Taeyong gasped, "I- I can't make you keep making me clothes for me... I'm sorry, I should have change my clothes often, I must be stink, I'll change and wash them everyday, I-"

  
"Taeyong," the God cut in with smooth, firm tone although his face gentle, "I made these because I want to, not because you're stink, I never find you so. Now, come closer."

Taeyong gulped feeling nervous when God Jaehyun's fingers motioning him to come closer, he walked slowly until he sit in front of the God, lowering his head due to the storm in his heart. He fliched in surprise when suddenly God Jaehyun looming behind him, his smooth hands pulling his clothes off his sweaty skin.

Instinctively he grabbed on his clothes, feeling himself stuttering, "n-no God Jaehyun..."

"Calm down Taeyong, I'm just washing you," he said while pulling a basin full of water and a cloth closer to where they are.

The white, warm hands took the cloth and squeeze out the water before placing in on Taeyong's tanned broad back, wiping away the sweat and refreshing both the human's body and mind. Taeyong feeling extremely nervous and giddy by the heartwarming gesture, he bit his lips to hold in a smile as he loves the attention. Lately God Jaehyun likes to touch him more as if to answer his confession that he loves to be near with the Godly being.

"Why are you so kind to me, God Jaehyun?" He found himself asking the question he had for a long time in his heart.

The hand keep stroking his skin with the cloth tenderly, "why aren't you afraid of me?"

Taeyong frowned in confusion before he remember how frightening God Jaehyun used to be, "I was at first scared of you... But now..." he turned his head to gaze at the silvery orbs, "I can see you..."

A small smile on the plump lips causing the human's heart skip a beat, before the God said, "because I haven't lock in my energy and hide my aura that time, they presure any living beings to fear me."

Taeyong thought about the words for a minute, "so... God Jaehyun was deliberately trying to scare me...?"

"It's not good for living beings like you to come too close with me."

 _Then why are you so kind to me? You should keep pushing me away,_ Taeyong thought.

"But you, no matter how I tried to keep you away, you just so persistently stay and coming back. So I let you be, since it's of no use," the God continued as if hearing the human's mind.

Taeyong is still confused, that still doesn't answer why God Jaehyun is so kind to him now, he could have be cold to him like before. Was it because God Jaehyun is so kind that's why he can't let a pitiful human rotting in the forest? Or... Was it because Taeyong is now, someone _special_ for the God? Taeyong heart start beating faster at the thought as he tries to keep his clear head intact, _no that can't be, I have to stop being delusional. He just being kind to me because I'm no different than him taking care of Han, yeah that must be it._

Or was the God is lonely?

Then Taeyong frowned more in a realization, the God said, _living_ beings, he said it as if he is... "why did you said we're living beings as if you're not a living being?" Taeyong blurted out without thinking of the consequences before he cover his mouth with both his hands.

The hand on his arm stopped, the wet cloth almost slipping away for a moment before it continue wiping his skin and nimble fingers covering him with fresh clothes. Then with swift movement God Jaehyun standing up to prepare the bedding before he turned his face to the human.

"It's late Taeyong, time for you to sleep," he stretch out his white hand for Taeyong to take and both of them laying down on the matress as God Jaehyun embracing the human in warm protection. A hand on Taeyong's hair slowly brushing it and another on the human's back, caressing the skin as a lullaby.

God Jaehyun didn't say anything more. He didn't answer anything.

  
\--

  
Next few days after that night, God Jaehyun still kind to Taeyong, but his eyes no longer bright and no more smile on the full lips. The God's eyes often seems overcast and hollow, goes off to the distant as if too deep in thoughts. Every time Taeyong witnessed the scene, his heart ached so painfully. Someone so beautiful and graceful as God Jaehyun shouldn't be looking that sad, so lost and in pain. He want to help, to lift up the burden, but what can he do beside watching from afar? He's just a mere useless human, he have no extraordinary power and he's not special at all.

One day when he's spared from the painful sight of God Jaehyun looking out the veranda with hollow eyes, he found Han as usual laying near the spot where the God used to sat.

"Han, do you know where is God Jaehyun?" He asked the wolf only to be replied by a blink. Knowing the wolf, Taeyong understood that meant the God is nowhere near them. He thought, maybe God Jaehyun want to be alone for a while. So he put on his slipper and walking on his own around the forest, trying to somehow make God Jaehyun proud that he can do that alone without being scared of getting lost.

He walks for a long time, going quite far and distracted by the feeling of accomplishment that he didn't realize he's climbing down the mountain. Halfway he felt a shudder racking his body and he turned his head when there's a feeling of someone calling him. But there's no one behind him, no Han, no God Jaehyun, so he shrugged it off thinking it was his imagination and continue walking.

Until he heard noises and heavy steps few meters ahead of him, he halted in caution, lowering himself to hide behind a big tree. But it was too late, he was already seen.

"Taeyong?"

His eyes grew wide as he saw the boys who used to torment him. The boys from the village.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will be in for some pain in the next chapter, are you ready? For the faint hearts, be prepared because the next might be triggering as we know what these evil villagers boys used to do to Taeyong.
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	8. Possession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You will be no more"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! WARNING !!
> 
> This chapter can be tough for some if you as they contained **attempted rape, degradation and violence.**
> 
> Consent are said and given, but considering the circumstance I would say it could be rather **dubious consent.**
> 
> Thread carefully.

“Look who’s here, isn’t that Taeyong?” one of the boy said with surprise and mock written all over his face.

“I thought he’s dead already.”

Taeyong tighten his fist and trying to sound brave, “why are you here?”

“Why? Why indeed, because we thought we should take matter in our hands since a certain _somebody_ didn’t do his job? Oh, wait, he’s a useless piece of _meat_ anyway, all he’s good at is running away,” he snickers.

“You idiot, you’re wrong. Is that nobody want him, not even the God, so he’s just living in self misery for being unloved, hiding in this forest!” they laughed loudly, and even more so when they saw Taeyong trembling due to anger or shame, they don’t care.

The taste of blood spreading inside Taeyong’s mouth as he bit the inside of his cheecks harshly. He shouldn’t let them say all that to him, but he can’t deny it either, he was thrown away the moment he was born. He never knew his real mother, and he caused the dead of his foster mother, burden and despair upon his foster father. Everybody hates him, everybody always says how worthless he is, how cursed he is. He is _nothing_. Even God Jaehyun rejected him at first, he always left Taeyong alone. He probably just pitying Taeyong now and only being kind to him like someone picking up a stray. Didn’t the God abandoned him this morning because he offended him last night by the question?

 _Taeyong, you are beautiful_.

 _No_ , Taeyong snapped out from his self deprecating thoughts. _No_ , God Jaehyun didn’t abandon him. He’s the kindest being he ever know beside his foster parents. God Jaehyun wouldn’t abandon him.

_You are so kind and pure, unlike others._

Even though he doesn’t know how much is his value in God Jaehyun’s eyes, he knew he still worth something. Even if it’s less than the wolf, _he still worth it._

_You’re not alone Taeyong, I’m here with you._

He loves the Godly being, he trust him more than anything else. Even though he have no right to love God Jaehyun, he will be true to himself. So he will trust those gentle words which given to him. He won’t let these men get the better of him.

“Say what you want, but go back now, this forest is dangerous,” he said sternly.

A snicker, “yeah? And what are you doing here? You can’t do anything for the God yet you didn’t come back. Too scared to come back since you're always a failure?”

“Or maybe you’re just scared of us?” Again the five of them laughed and Taeyong hate the sound of it with his entire being. Anger and shame burning within, humiliated but he didn’t want for these men to sully the place he shares with God Jaehyun. It shouldn't be tainted.

“Go back, I warned you,” for the first time he dares himself to go against them, turning to leave as he no longer able to stand the sight of them. It feels like his skin is crawling, disgust humming under beside fear of what could go wrong. But before he could take even a step forward, one of them placing himself in front of him, wide smirk full of malice adorning his hateful face.

“Why the hurry Taeyong? Don’t you want to be useful at least once? Now that we find you here, why waste it?”

“What?” he let out in confusion, eyes grew wider when hands caught hold of his shoulder and a warm, stinky breath hit the side of his neck.

The voice was deep, sickeningly bringing terrifying shiver down his spine, “you should be thankful to us Taeyong, we can show your worth after all.”

Dread drenched him in the most unforgiving manner at the realization running through his veins, shudder racking his limbs in fear. Before Taeyong could try to run, the hands on him tightens and pulling him backward at the same time he's pushing forward, unrelenting. He try his best to struggle, feet hard on the ground to avoid falling and when he’s about to shout, a fist hit his face with a strong impact, mouth bleeding and his balance disrupted at a moment of disorientation.

He fell, and he knows with his position down on the ground like that, he's in his weakest defense like a fruit waiting to be picked.

Taeyong screamed, screaming so hard his throat feels burning and ripping. He was alone against five, those muscular arms are way stronger than his. The harsh pull to his hair, the strong punches to his stomach and his face to make him silent, the disgusting bite on his shoulder, the hand which strangling his voice and breath, he can’t do anything to fight it except vain struggles. He keeps screaming his lungs out until it feels like blood and tears running covering him in nightmare.

_Jaehyun._

A loud roar splitting the thick air vibrating harshly upon all of them, piercing through their ears causing so much pain, except Taeyong who’s in too deep in fear to comprehend the surrounding. All he know was he came back to his senses with no pressure on him anymore and there are many screams heard all over the place. He's blinking in shock, clueless at what is happening before a strong arms with long, black claws lifting him up and taking him away from where he was sprawled broken on the ground. Gush of wind running over his body, the scenery changing in every second, but he didn't miss the pool of blood before he got taken away even further.

The next time he could somewhat be aware of his surrounding, he realized he’s back to the cottage already and his body no longer in as much pain as before. Yet, as he was laid on his stomach on the familiar hard wooden floor, there's no sense of clarity like the place has always gifted him when a harsh, ragged breathing rumbling over his nape, sniffing with low dangerous growls. There's fear, there's horror growing deep in his chest, but he braved himself to turn his face to look behind, to see what is _it_ hovering him.

His heart almost stop when he saw who’s pinning him down. Gone was the beautiful face, gone was the warm, gentle gaze as the pretty smile he loves so much on those plump lips now stretched into a menacing snarl. Taeyong could barely recognize this God Jaehyun, his face was so full of anger and contorted in a way that it looks so terrifying, sharp teeth peeking out like an angry predator and the silvery eyes was far from being gentle. _Wrath_ , is what Taeyong is facing right now.

“Did they touch you?” the low, monstrous and unfamiliar voice growled to his ears, the being behind him sounds nothing like God Jaehyun. But Taeyong know, that's him, deep down it’s still _him_. Even though he knows it, he can’t help the whimper which passed his lips in fear as the voice growls again, “did they _touch_ you?”

Taeyong didn’t know how it was possible for him to feel ashamed at time like this, to feel dirty and so small to speak the truth to his loved one. But the harsh glare and intimidating growls leave no room for him to brush it off, so he answer much in uncertainty, “m-my shoulder was… J-just that…”

Rage filled the silvery eyes, sharp teeth bare for all to see. And Taeyong screamed when the sharp teeth sinks deep into his shoulder, drawing thick blood out as the ragged breathe vibrating painfully to his scared soul, pain exploding and burns his flesh. His lips trembling in cries, fear dawning his entire body as he's trapped beneath the raged God. Yet despite it all, he never try to run away. Even when harder cries made out from his lips as the clawed hands ripping his clothes so forcefully, leaving his upper body bare with nothing but the rough yanking and pulls of the harmful hands, he still didn’t try to get away. His bare stomach was pressed harder to the floor as the weight of God Jaehyun shifting entirely on his back.

Taeyong shut his eyes tightly, forcing his mind to cast away his fear and pain, leaving it to the darkness and surrender to the harsh treatment. Because even with all the horrible emotions brimming inside him, his love for the graceful being is selfless. Even when he didn't know what exactly trigger this, ven if he don't know what all of this meant to the other, even if his love would never be requited. He stayed.

The clawed hand took a hold of his neck, strong fingers grabbing his chin and yanking it back, closer to the snarling lips tainted by his own blood. Taeyong's head getting dizzy due to the strong metallic smell, but he didn't fail to catch the desperate, whispering plea.

"Run from me..."

He struggles to open his eyes, taking in a bit of light as he try to understand what he just heard. He was scared and hurting, but his heart didn't want to go, not when the one he loves behaving this strange despite he knows nothing. Because no matter what he wanted to be close with God Jaehyun. Even when the very same person was the one causing him all this pain.

"I won’t," Taeyong determined as his neck got pulled back again and a wet prickling tongue trailing behind his ear, it was hot, rough and burning his senses.

"I will destroy you," the voice growled behind him almost animalistic and the skin of Taeyong's nape got scratched by the sharp teeth.

The human stilled, closing his eyes to voice out his answer as he gasped and whispered almost to himself, "you can."

In a split second his whole body was turned around to face the God in his white glamour. His eyes immediately meet those of the silvery ones but rather than the usual warm gaze he got used to lately, he found it filled with madness, wild and ferocious. Taeyong's body shuddered, breath hitching as his heart beating harder that he could feel the strong pulsating in his neck. Before he could calm himself, the God had rushed forward to ravages his mouth, pressing his tongue to open the human's mouth, devouring all and left no place untouched.

Instinctively Taeyong closed his eyes, unable to contain anymore of the intense feeling, but doing so only intensifying his senses. It feels like all his senses was brought to the highest sensitivity, the mere rough strokes of the God's tongue on his palate bringing shiver all over his body. The harsh roams of the clawed hands on his bare skin had further clouded his mind and heat within his body rising and spreading all over through his veins. It was rough, still he _desire_ the being above him.

He gasped when his pants was no more, unconsciously arching his back to feel the equally bare skin above him, hovering so possessively over his flushed body. A moan leaves his lips when a hand fisting his hair and yanking it to the back, creating a thud to the floor for the plump lips to savor his neck and another hand running down to his spine with touches which burns, pulling at his whole body upwards to increase the expanse of contact of their skin. He feels pain, but above all he is more than willing to give himself and fear was no more as desire growing so intense within him and all he wants was getting even more connected to the being above him. He wants further melt into the hot skin, the ragged breath, feeling the harsh marking of the sharp teeth on his skin and lost into the wild, maddening silvery orbs.

It was rough, harsh, painful yet he didn't give any mind to it. Maybe he felt no need to protect himself because he's lost to the world. Maybe it was his overwhelming feeling of wanting to be reciprocated that clouded his judgment. Or maybe because somewhere within the rough handling he could somehow sensed the raw emotion from the same core he had towards the other.

It was why he didn't resist and merely screaming his lungs out when something piercing into him. His fingers gripping so tightly on God Jaehyun’s arms and his nails digging into the skin as if doing that could lessen his pain. The pain continue filling his whole being, almost like he’s being split into two, minds wrapped with darkness and although his eyes and mouth are wide open, there's no breath nor light comes into him. Taeyong couldn't even made a noise, all that left his mouth was silent screams and tight air forced in and out of his lungs. His consciousness was in the verge of drifting away, pain was all he could feel as it took full control.

He couldn’t make out of anything anymore, he's going numb from the outside world for his mind to go spiralling into the darkness and instinct to protect himself took over. But through his dark fogged mind, he could feel slivers of warmth touching ever so carefully to his soul. Slowly, gradually the warmth is increasing, wrapping him then lifted him to float to the surface from the darkness, jolting him awake to open his eyes and suddenly his consciousness intact again as clear as a crystal.

The pain is still there, but much more bearable to his surprise. His hurting body stiffened beneath the still figure, silver eyes which was glaring ferociously into him are now peering warmly into him, a gaze which was familiar to him and he chest feels tight at the sight of it. The clawed hands once again moving across his skin, but this time slowly and tender, reigniting the heat within him. Plump lips trailing on his face, his body, carefully, a bit unsure as if asking for forgiveness, placing chaste kisses here and there bringing shivers and butterflies swarming all over his body.

Eventually the pain eased into a dull throbbing ache for the desire to once again awakens like burning flame. Taeyong dared himself to curl his arms to embrace the bare figure above him, pulling him even closer to him and pressing his thin lips to the white ear, whispering full of love and determination.

"Do it."

The next thing he could feel was pain intensifying once again, but his lust had masked it that he no longer give in to it. He embrace it, the pain, the fogged mind, hot and damp skins sliding on each other, the vibration of hot ragged breathe on the sensitive skin of his neck, moans and whimpers passing his lips further drive him crazy and a mess beneath the possessive hold.

Taeyong could sense it that his mind is drifting away as pleasure starting to take over him and pain was long forgotten. Willingly spreading himself more and reciprocating the thrusts subconsciously, arching his back frantically each time he feels an intense pleasure jolting through his whole body, blood stirring ever so intensely within him to the fingertips and fire of lust swirling in his lower body begging to be unleashed. His mouth left hanging open as moans never cease and breathing had become so difficult. His eyes getting blurry when all he could feel is pleasure that even the rough colliding of his back to the floor is forgotten, mind no longer in reality and his entire being melts further into God Jaehyun.

He couldn’t hold it anymore, the moment when the body above him went stiff and embracing him tougher, his breath stop altogether as intensity filled him to the brim, like full blown explosion, heart beating ever so erratically spreading chemicals through his veins all over his body.

Then, he lost himself.

He was wrapped in both whiteness and darkness as he gasped from the feeling of his person being fused into all direction. He could feel the strong breeze and clouds rolling in the sky, fast, strong, cold yet also warm wrapping the earth as atmospheres so protectively. The flowing rivers, hard drumming ocean waves into rocks and corals, thundering storms with harsh cold rain filling and running on earth blending with his blood.

The greenery, the rustling of trees, the tickling of ants' legs on the hard roots and soil, the silent whispers of hot sands, hidden life between the dry cracked soil and the ever connected web of life forces within earth running through the complicated path of veins inside him, bring so many high sensations which he would never able to decipher and beyond measure as his clear mind open so vastly with no end, spreading far and so far with no end.

_Taeyong._

Slowly the gentle thudding of his heartbeats surfacing in the interconnecting world, pulsating life into many form of beings, full of warmth, gentleness, protection and love. His sight traveling to every crack of earth, high and low, everything taken in as one breathing Symphony in it course of cycle, without any missing beat of an atomic seconds.  
It was the pulsation of the planet earth, where all life connected and residing within.

 _Taeyong_.

He feels warm, cocooned so blissfully like he was back home in protective embrace of his parents. He could feel love, so much love, bright and soothing like nothing ever been. All thoughts forgotten and he wants to stay there, forever.

 _Taeyong_.

But he felt something is missing, he didn't feel complete yet. The thing which was missing feels like something very precious, something that even this contentment can't replace.

What was it?

  
_Come back._

  
His eyes opened wide, mouth parted desperately to suck in lungs full of air since his body burning in need for oxygen. He's heaving desperately and his whole being feels so heavy, pain all over while his muscles spasms as if he just had an extreme exercise beyond his capability.

Taeyong shifting his eyes to catch a figure settling beside him with warm aura, finding no other than God Jaehyun peering into him with comfort and appearance like that of the kind God he knew. He felt so relieved seeing those warm gaze on him again, as if he had saved the God from whatever was torturing him. It might be just his delusion, but he feels happy nonetheless. He believed he was of some worth to God Jaehyun, at least.

"What just happened...?" Taeyong rasped still delirious, the sound of his voice muffled in his ears.

"A fingertip of your soul touched the life force of the universe," the silver orbs flickering with uncertainty this time, "that's what happens when creatures gets too deep with beings like me."

Taeyong groaned when his body spasm even more when he tried to breathe deeper since he feels the desperate need of oxygen not only persistent but also _increasing_. Head pounding in horrible pain as if something want to crack open his skull from the inside, and all his senses intensify that he could hear the sound of his own heart beat and the rush of his blood, feeling the invisible countless particles in air dancing around his skin, seeing the swirling cells in his orbs liquid and smelling every each and one of everything in the forest.

"What-" he stopped because his voice was thundering and too much for his own senses.

"Calm down Taeyong," the God whispered and much to Taeyong surprise, it didn't sound as overwhelming as his own voice but echoing gently. "Your being was traveling through time and space of the higher realms, it took a lot of your life force and intensifying your sensitivity. Settle down and let your body go... Feel the nature surrounding you and you will eventually gain control of your body once more. Take in the energy, let it comes into you rather than grasping it."

The need of oxygen is still clouding Taeyong's mind even more, panic and fear rising that he almost frantically ignoring what God Jaehyun had said to him. But gradually he give in, letting go of control over his breathing, closing his eyes to surrender into nature and letting it take course over him, like cold water through his veins. Eventually it did work and after a while passed, he feels better and stable enough even though the pain all over his body so dreadfully persist like he just got hit by a big wagon.

"Good," the God smiled thinly and Taeyong realized that his voice sounds normal again and no longer thundering. "Your senses has turned back into it normal state, but the burden your body took will only ease down after a good weeks."

" _Weeks_...?" Taeyong gulped because certainly he didn't want to feel the almost unbearable pain any longer.

"You had been gone beyond your physical dimensional into the multi layered ones, it gave out, burning almost to the last drop of your life force," God Jaehyun explained and Taeyong could decipher the sorrow within the silvery eyes.

Although he didn’t fully understand what is actually happening, Taeyong shuddered when he remembered what the God had said to him.

 _A fingertip of your soul_...

"What... What if I happen to touch the universe life force more than what i just did...?" Taeyong asked, unsure if he even want to hear the answer, peering with fear into the calm and even silvery ones.

  
"You will be no more."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't so confusing....
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	9. Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of touchy touchy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

He must be crazy but he honestly felt the pain subside a lot when he was craddled within the God's arms. It felt more like a dull pain of bruises all over his body rather than ripping bones and muscles kind of pain. Moreover, the pain came in full force when he was laid onto the matress and he was no longer in skin contact with God Jaehyun. He screamed subconsciously as the searing pain shooting through his whole body and racking him like a man in shock. As soon as God Jaehyun laid beside him and embraced him again, the pain dulled although it was still very much there but it was a lot more bearable.

"You will need to stick with me because I can only ease a bit of the pain by staying in contact with you," the God explained in a lullaby kind of voice.

When Taeyong turned his head to look at God Jaehyun, his sight was slightly blurred due to the pain but he smiled thinly, feeling assured.

"How can you still smile at me?"

A frown was made on Taeyong's face at the question because he didn't understand why the God would ask that. He feels most protected within his arms, so why shouldn't he smile?

"I hurt you, I caused you these pain..." God Jaehyun brushed Taeyong's strands gently with his lean fingers before continuing, "I did worse than what those other humans did."

His stomach started to churn at the mention and images of his horrible memories earlier that day but Taeyong found himself back fast at the calming warmth of God Jaehyun which was protectively wrapping around him at that moment. He hugged the white figure and nuzzling his head to the crook of God Jaehyun's neck and he didn't think of what he's doing or if he was being overly familiar and stepping over the boundaries, all he knew was he needed that warmth. He needed the strong arms around him, telling him in the most calming way that everything was over, he was safe and sound.

With those strong and gentle warmth, nothing would harm him anymore. So he cried, cried so hard that he's wailing, not minding of how childish he must have looked. All that he could feel was that he's no longer feeling tense and terrified but instead he finally had let off those feelings and calmness that have been flooding inside him. He cried because he felt glad that he's feeling okay, that he's still breathing and nothing choking him anymore and nothing terrify him anymore. God Jaehyun had saved him.

God Jaehyun tightened his embrace and soothingly stroking the human's back as if placating a child to stop crying, quietly hushing in a gentle manner and sometimes giving a kiss to Taeyong's eyelids.

"I'm sorry," the God said repeatedly in between his gentle attempts to soothe the man.

However, Taeyong wasn't able to stop crying, it was beyond his control as if it was a broken dam and came was in waves a massive water that had been held in far too long. He had desperately wanted to answer the God that,  _no_ ,  _it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't be sorry_. He didn't feel that the God had harmed him and he did not cry because of him. However, the cries drowned his words, causing his tongue stiff and he's unable to say even a single word of it. His cries was uncontrollable and soon he fell asleep as peace filled him finally.

 

\--

  
The moment he woke up, he felt like crying again as the pain all over his body hit his consciousness like fallen bricks. It was frustrating that the pain didn't lessen anyway and he wanted to cry imagining that the pain would last for  _weeks_. Nevertheless, as he realized the warm and strong arms which had been embracing him in his sleep, he had thought that maybe this wasn't too bad at all.

Even more so when he saw a beautiful gentle smile directed to him, it wasn't a small smile the God had usually shown him few times before, it was a full smile where the God's dimples can be seen and the gentleness reaches his silvery eyes. Taeyong's heart almost came to stop at the breathtaking beautiful smile, warm feeling stirring his chest as his love bursting at the scene. He wanted nothing more than to see that smile in all his life. Though it wasn't just that, even when Taeyong came out of his awe and eventually smile back to the God, Jaehyun leaned down to kiss the corner of his eyes and his cheeks, and Taeyong wondered if he had died already and this is heaven.

"Good morning," God Jaehyun said with the beautiful smile once again, stroking the side of Taeyong's head soothingly.

Taeyong wanted to answer, but the exploding warmth in his chest caused his tongue tied and at the time he wanted to jump, hug and  _kiss_  the God as strong as the explosion in his heart.

"Let's wash you before having breakfast."

Now that bring Taeyong back to sanity to be able to shake his head.

"No? Why?" God Jaehyun asked as his smile fading but the silvery eyes remain gentle.

Even through all the pain and clouded mind due to the overwhelming happiness, Taeyong was embarrassed to let the God see his body and wash him. He know that God Jaehyun had seen everything of him, but still it makes him reluctant, he don't want to show his body again. He's afraid that his body would be repulsive to see and last time only happened because God Jaehyun wasn't himself. Nonetheless, God Jaehyun surprised him further that morning.

"No, I'm going to wash you even though you don't want to," he said firmly and stood up easily with Taeyong in his arms, as if the human weight nothing to him. Taeyong was surprised because God Jaehyun never forced him into doing anything. If he didn't want to do something, the God wouldn't have done it. Yet, this time it wasn't like that and he wasn't sure if it's a good thing or not.

The moment they reached the river and with Taeyong's feet almost touching the water, he had unconsciously flinched his feet up at the image of cold water but then he remembered God Jaehyun would always make the water warm enough before letting him in. He was right and a little bit surprised to find the water warmer than it was usually. God Jaehyun then resting his back on a big stone while he craddled the human on his chest, slowly pulling off the clothes from the tanned skin underwater. Taeyong flinched when the slender fingers brushing his body directly under the shirt.

"It's okay, I won't hurt you," God Jaehyun whispered behind his ear and placed a kiss there. He keeps trailing kisses to Taeyong's shoulder as he pull the clothes completely off, leaving the human bare.

Taeyong wasn't afraid of God Jaehyun, but still he couldn't control that his body flinching every now and again at the touch of the God. He was indeed scared since the image is still fresh in his mind, but it wasn't God Jaehyun that he's scared of. He wanted to clarify it, but feeling the smooth lips of God Jaehyun on his skin leave him unable to say anything or thinking straight. He felt how blood rushing within his body and he wondered once again if he would explode anytime now.

God Jaehyun washed him gently and throughly, even though Taeyong vehemently didn't want the God to wash him  _there_ , God Jaehyun was stern enough to brush off his plea. It was indeed embarrasing to let God Jaehyun touch him there and they're both in clear mind! Further more, Taeyong sank further in shame when he had  _reacted_  to the touch without him able to control and hide it.

"Please, please stop... I can do it myself!" Taeyong whined desperately and trying his hardest to stop the white, slender hands from moving, but he simply had no strength, even if he wasn't hurting and had the full energy, God Jaehyun is way stronger than he is. So all he could do was whining, whimpering, blushing and closing his legs as strong as his body let him, he was even in the verge of crying in embarrassment.

"It's okay, Taeyong. Don't be embarrassed, you are beautiful," God Jaehyun whispered as he spread open the human's legs causing a low shriek out from Taeyong. Then the white hands touch him there, stroking gently but also firmly, "let me help you."

Taeyong wished to die right at that moment. It was too embarrassing, too shameful and just too much of everything. His head was getting too dizzy because of the hot water and his blood rushing all over his body, he even feel like he's going to faint as he tries to hold in his moans, because the touches of that hands in between his legs was too overwhemling. His body shook terribly when he felt a finger coming in.

" _Ah!_ " He moaned in surprise and was fast enough to cover his mouth with his hand, reflextively pushing away the chest behind him with his other hand. "N-no...  _Ah_ , God J-Jaehyun... Please..."

"I need to clean you, this way the pain would subside faster."

"I... I- ah... I can do it, hmm... m-myself..." Taeyong pleaded still with his hand covering his mouth.

"Your finger won't be able to reach it," Taeyong blushed at the words and it become crystal clear that God Jaehyun's finger is indeed  _inside_  him and this shook his body even more as a overwhemling heat pooling in his lower body, more needy and arousing.

A loud, long moan escaped Taeyong's lips and between his fingers when God Jaehyun's finger twisting inside and another hand stroking him at the front too. He arched forward but God Jaehyun caught his chest and gently pushing his body backward so his bare back flushed to the God's clothed chest, fingers stroking upwards to his neck and slowly turning his chin to the side, letting the God to see his face and placed a kiss on the corner of his lips. Taeyong's heart swelled so much in love at the gentleness, feeling a jolting pleasure in his whole body as he pushed himself further into God Jaehyun's chest. Tears made in his eyes, he was just far too overwhelmed with everything.

"You're beautiful Taeyong, you don't have to be ashamed," The God whispered soothingly, reassuring in a way only he can do.

It didn't take long for Taeyong to reach the peak of his pleasure, coming undone in the hands of the God, breathless moans came out from his wide open mouth then slowly he climbed down from the high, settling himself back to the welcoming chest of God Jaehyun, partly because he was exhausted and his body was still in pain, and another part was just so he could hide his face.

"Finally the smell is gone," he heard the God mumbled but didn't catch the words.

"What?" He whispered in question still slightly panting and face turned away from the God.

Butterfly kisses on his wet shoulder, very gentle and soothing, it took a moment before Taeyong finally remember that spot was where the God's teeth had sank in. He began to wonder why the God keep kissing him there.

"I'm sorry," he heard the God said as the plump lips still brushing over his shoulder. That was when Taeyong felt cold and heart dropped to his stomach, at that moment he can't help but think that God Jaehyun become that loving, sweet and gentle just because he felt guilty towards him. All the wonderful feelings they shared just now was only an apology out of  _guilt_.

After that he didn't even realize how and when the God had carry him out from the river and back to the house again, how the God dry him and craddles him a bit before feeding him, so gentle, so sweet and careful as if he's a fragile glass and can only be touched with utmost care. But Taeyong's mind was no longer there, all he could feel and hear are his heart breaking into million pieces and the sound of his muffled cries. He didn't even hear the soothing voice of God Jaehyun trying to stop him from crying. Millions  _sorry_  fell into deaf ears.

  
\--

  
Every morning he's woken up to a gentle caress on his cheeks and head. Every night he's lulled to sleep with sweet singing and tender stroking on his back. Every time he's being washed by the God, he always touch Taeyong very carefully and he never again let his hands wander down if Taeyong didn't want to. He was treated with so much care, so much tenderness, but Taeyong was too lost in his heart break to realize what a blessing it was. Eventually he came to understand how greedy he is, and come terms with his broken heart that no matter what the reason why the God had treat him like that, he would savor every bit of it.

It was already in the middle of the second week when he was able to smile genuinely of happiness to God Jaehyun, that no matter if God Jaehyun is merely feeling guilty towards him, Taeyong still loved him and he's willing enough to deluded himself that they share a same feeling. He know, he's not crazy enough to put the word love as God Jaehyun's feeling towards him, but sometimes he couldn't help but thinking that way whenever the silvery eyes peering so warmly and gentle into his own, even more when adorned with a blissful, bright dimpled smile of the God. He's just a man in love, he never was in control of his own feeling.

"What are you thinking about?" The melodious voice heard close to his ear, then a nose rubbing on his cheek before it's gone. These little gesture always cause butterflies in Taeyong's stomach along with unrestrained smile blooming on his lips.

"Nothing..." he hummed through his smile.

"You are beautiful Taeyong, so bright and so pure." This was what often repeated by the God, as if trying to keep Taeyong from thinking otherwise, as if trying to erase his own guilt as Taeyong saw the sorrow within the silver eyes whenever the words was said.

Taeyong didn't know what to feel or what to think about that, he didn't know how to answer that either so he would always replied with, "you are the most beautiful, God Jaehyun."

Usually God Jaehyun wouldn't say anything, but at that time he did, "don't call me that."

"What?" Slowly Taeyong turned his face a bit to face him, catching a distant look in the God's face.

"Don't call me God, call me Jaehyun."

Taeyong was shocked, "b-but I can't possibly..."

"Call me by the name, Taeyong, you deserve it," the God said as he let his eyes landed on the human's dark brown eyes.

"I... can't."

"Yes, you can, say it."

"No... I'm just... a mere human..." Taeyong was overwhelmed by the sudden request, he couldn't comprehend it in his head how could a human call a God only by his name?

"You deserve it, Taeyong. Try it, I won't be angry," he said with a smile.

Taeyong's heart was beating so hard it feels like it's going to burst out of his chest, but the expecting eyes of the God pushed him further to do exactly what was asked of him, he just couldn't say no.

"...God-"

"I told you to call me by the name."

A whine passed his lips before he bite his lower lip, trying to gain composure before he try again, "J... Jae... Jaehyun...?"

He had closed his eyes in refelx, afraid to see the face of the God. But as nothing happen or heard for a few seconds, he peeked from one of his eyes, then his heart almost jumped out his throat as he saw how beautiful the God has smiled to him. There was a sparkle within the silver eyes, his plump rosy lips was blooming widely into a gorgeous smile, the God's face at that time was brighter than it usually does, and the human's heart was swelling with so much love and happiness at the display.

"Thank you," the God whispered through his beautiful smile. Taeyong even had to tell himself that he must have imagining the tears inside the silvery eyes.

That night the God's mood was so light and bubbly that it was the first time Taeyong had heard him talking and smiling so much. God Jaehyun tell him stories about neighbouring villages and cities from faraway, their cultures, the people and almost about everything.

That was also the first time Taeyong felt that the both of them mutually happy and not just him.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly getting there ♡(◡‿◡✿)
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	10. Seeing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What in the world did he just witnessed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ♡(◡‿◡✿)
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)

_That's okay, even if it's pity or apology or guilt, if it's means having him this close to me, that's okay. The way he cared for me shows that I'm worth something to him. Maybe, maybe there could be some feeling blooming between us in the future. Maybe. Hopefully._

That was what Taeyong keep telling to himself every night before he falls asleep. Despite all the gentle touches, sweet caresses and soothing lullabies, Taeyong still couldn't think otherwise.

He was rejected by majority as he was raised, shunned by the villagers and being told that he was just a useless person with no worth. His foster parents always reminded him that he's not at all like what those villager had said, but the horrible words had been imprinted in his mind no matter how hard he didn't want to believe it. He had a very low self-esteem that even when his foster parents kept praising him, deep down he would still think that he hadn't done good enough.

Yet he's very stubborn and strong willed to the point that sometimes he didn't listen. Maybe he became too stubborn because he tried so hard to be more than what he is, to surpass the stigma of bad judgement on him. Simply because he didn't want his foster parents to be ashamed of him, but truthfully in his deepest heart, he was stubborn because he didn't want to be seen as a worthless and useless person that he believed he is and his foster parents would abandon him.

Maybe that was why he keep staying on that mountain even though God Jaehyun had certainly told him no help will come and his presence there won't do anything. Perhaps that was why he volunteer to sacrifice himself from the start. His stubborness was what makes him keep thinking that no matter what he did, nobody will truly ever want him.

Even after he had cheered himself every night before falling asleep, his tiny heart asked him this, ' _how could someone who isn't loved by people can be loved by a God, a higher being?'_

He would find himself crying over his pitiful state, instead of cheering himself up and turned out to eat his self confidence even more. As the gentle hands of God Jaehyun caressed his back, he falls further into self pity. Taeyong didn't get that what he was currently doing was destroying himself like he had always done since forever.

 

  
\--

 

  
"How is it?" The God asked the human, who is within his arms, about the pain. It's been three weeks since _that_ had happened.

"It's starting to fade..." Taeyong answered truthfully. The pain did starting to dismiss, but it wasn't to the point where he could stand it without direct skin contact with the God. Whenever the God didn't touch him, the pain would crash him in full force that he almost couldn't move a muscle. However, these days he could tolerate the pain better and have a better sleep at night.

"It would start fading faster than the last few weeks now," God Jaehyun said while massaging Taeyong's shoulders gently.

His shoulder always the part of his body which gained lot of Jaehyun's attention, whether it was kisses, caresses or massages. It was where a huge, gruesome scar carved permanently on his skin, something which would always bring them back to that day. It was out of guilt, Taeyong knew for sure.

"I have came to touch that world only for a few seconds and yet the pain lasted for so long. It has been three weeks and still it hurts so much..." he whined.

"It was something that could cost your life after all," God Jaehyun kissed his shoulder slowly, lingering as if to ask for forgiveness.

Taeyong couldn't deny that he loves the kisses and the gentle touches, but the reason behind it crushed his heart even more. He hummed when the God's hand stroked his stomach and tighten the embrace which was so tender yet also felt needy. He couldn't hold in the bubbly feelings and let out a chuckle.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a small happy smile.

God Jaehyun kissed his shoulder again, "why?"

"You hugs me... Tighter."

Jaehyun smiled, the one which tainted with a bit of sorrow in his silver eyes, "nothing, it's nothing."

Taeyong didn't ask further, but he knew that God Jaehyun often hug him while they were sitting at the balcony and talking slowly, savoring the sun. When Taeyong had drifted to sleep or just pretended to, the embraces at those times were strong, warm and somehow a little sad. Maybe it was only Taeyong's mind which was over thinking, but it could be because God Jaehyun's eyes always filled with sadness whenever he embraced him in that way.

_But why? What caused those sorrow in your eyes, Jaehyun?_

 

  
\--

 

  
"Are you okay?" God Jaehyun asked as his eyes was trained on Taeyong, his white hand is the only thing that was connected with the human's hand.

"Yes, I think the pain isn't that bad anymore..."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes..." Taeyong exhaled slowly as God Jaehyun lets go of his grip on his hand. The second the God's skin was away from his palm, the pain increased tenfold and he cringed at it. He heaved another breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he open it again, "I can handle it now..."

The pain wasn't so much like at the first time, it feels like sore muscles in his whole body now, but he's able to manage. He feels a little bit sad that he didn't need to be in skin contact with God Jaehyun twenty four seven anymore, but he's also feeling relieved to be able to have his own space. Even though he loves to be that close with the God, he still need a moment of his own, and that he didn't want to abuse God Jaehyun's kindness by being plastered to him all the time.

Taeyong smiled in relief and happiness as he felt that he could take the pain. His eyes immediately shifted to the silvery eyes to show the proudness he have towards himself for being that strong. However, his expectantion of seeing an equally proud smile or at least a relieved smile on the God's face was greeted by Jaehyun's eyebrows knitted together in what looks like in pain.

"God Jaehyun?" He called warily as he saw the expression. He didn't like it one bit and anxiety was gnawing his heart.

In a snap, the silver eyes caught his and immediately a smile rose on the plump lips like he had wanted to see, "good job, Taeyong. You are so strong."

Despite the beautiful smile, Taeyong still plagued with the expression from before and he can't ward off the anxiety. Thus, he took a step forward to catch the God's hand in his, once again feeling his pain subside and unconcsciously sighed as he noticed the God did the same. Why did God Jaehyun seem as if a burden had been lifted off himself? Did he also feel the pain too?

Taeyong quickly wrapped his arms around the God, no longer afraid to act that close as he was already used to it. Almost immediately, God Jaehyun hugged him back. "How did you ease my pain, God Jaehyun?"

A chuckle reached his ears, "what did you called me?"

Taeyong blushed as he knew what he meant by that, "J-Jaehyun..."

"Why did you ask?"

"I just want to know..." Taeyong closed his eyes as he savors the butterflies in his stomach as the God's hand stroked his back.

"I gave you a little bit of my energy, so it will lessen the pain."

"Did it hurt you in return?"

There was a short silence although the stroking on his back didn't stop. "No, it didn't hurt me. It actually helped me a bit."

"Helped you with what?" Taeyong looked up to stare right into the silver eyes.

A thin smile made its way onto the thick lips, "do you remember the first time you saw me?"

"Yes... You was scary and your skin was... glowing?" He frowned a little as he remembered the image in his head and how he fully noticed that the God's skin never glows in that way again.

"That was the closest of my true form, my energy was massive and flowing out from my entire being, that was why my presence was so harsh and hard to comprehend to living beings like you, thus you were afraid at the sight of me."

"Oh," Taeyong let out, frowning deeper as he thought. "But you're not glowing anymore... And I'm no longer afraid of you, does that mean you're suppressing your energy right now?"

God Jaehyun smiled, looking a bit sad, "that is why it helped me a bit by giving you my energy to lessen the pain."

"Is hard to suppress it?"

"Yes, it took quite a lot of energy to stay in this human form."

Taeyong mulled over the new found fact, "If my pain is gone for good..."

This time, sorrow ghosted over the God's face as he said, "it would be harder for me to suppress it."

 

  
\--

 

  
Come the fifth week, Taeyong could barely feel his pain. He had gone back to his daily routine and God Jaehyun had disappeared a few times a day just like before. He didn't want to think too much, but being what he is, he couldn't help but to fear that God Jaehyun would leave him behind. And he would savor and cling as much as he can to the Godly being whenever he saw him.

That day unlike any other day before, he had woken up with no God Jaehyun beside him, needless to say that he had spent that day being extremely wary and on edge as he still hasn't seen the Godly being in the late afternoon.

He barely ate his lunch, walking around in the forest in hope to see God Jaehyun, yet he still didn't find him. Until he saw a bright light coming from the deep forest, a silver light he once got used to. As he walked closer to the light, he feels the prickling heat on his skin and fear seeping into his heart no matter how a part of it was happy to know the light and heat is coming from his God Jaehyun.

He was right, it was God Jaehyun glowing in his glorious silver light and majestic presence crouching down on the ground with his back facing him. Despite the intense fear growing inside of him, Taeyong wanted to leap closer to the God, but was put to stop as he saw another being beside God Jaehyun.

It was a beautiful tall woman with bright burgundy wavy long hair, so fair skinned it almost looked as white as God Jaehyun's skin. Taeyong knew immediately that the woman is no human. She was standing unaffected right next to God Jaehyun, her beautiful face was calm and full of serenity, yet it inflicted fear in Taeyong's heart as strong as God Jaehyun's presence.

"You can't keep doing this Jaehyun," she said in a smooth voice like silk.

"I know," came God Jaehyun answer, although Taeyong unable to see his face, he could notice the pain within the restrained voice.

"Are you going to make him like me?" She asked again as her hand stroking God Jaehyun's back slowly.

"Don't... No..."

Taeyong's heart beating even faster, wondering if the ' _him_ ' they are talking about is him.

"I can't always come to you," she said.

"I'm sorry," God Jaehyun spoke in a broken tone and causing Taeyong's heart to sink at the pitiful tone.

"Too many time passed to still dwell in the past, I don't need your apology," the woman then placing her hand on God Jaehyun's head, a piercing scream come out of his throat, causing pain and agony to the human who heard and witnessing the scene. Taeyong was dying to dash to God Jaehyun, but the two strong presences had overwhelmed him and his legs stuck to the ground. He didn't like to hear the pained scream of the God, but he was also unable to do anything, he felt so useless, so worthless more than he ever felt.

It wasn't long for the scream to cease so as the silver light and harsh presence of God Jaehyun, then the tall woman gone in a blink of an eye. The fear which was plaguing Taeyong was also gone, but he thought it wasn't a good idea to just run towards the God, he was eavesdropping on something he shouldn't have after all. And so despite the heaviness in his heart, he left God Jaehyun alone and go back to the little cottage as another wave of fear rise in his heart once again.

 

What in the world did he just witnessed?

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did he just saw the heart of the God?

That day God Jaehyun came back when it's already dark outside and Taeyong was a bundle of anxiety waiting for his return. His relief upon the return of the God change into more anxiety as he saw the pain across the God's face, even more when a tired, sluggish smile thrown at him as his heart clenching at the sight of it. And when usually the tight embrace from God Jaehyun in his sleep bring calmness, that night all he could feel was growing restless as time ticking and sun peek out from the horizon.

It was the first morning Taeyong ever awaken with the God still craddling him with closed eyes, because God Jaehyun never sleep, he never have the need to.  _Is he sleeping?_ As this thought crossed his mind, the silver eyes open slowly and so did a greeting smile.

"How was your sleep?" Was the same question the God always ask every morning, but this time it fails to cause a smile on the human.

"Good..." he said, unsure.

"Really? You've been moving around all night."

 _So he didn't sleep?_ "I... Wasn't able to really sleep."

"Is something wrong?" A slight frown made on God Jaehyun's face.

"I don't know," he lied, "maybe I'm just not feeling that good."

"Really? But you are no longer in pain," he rise from his lay to sit, still with his eyes connected to the deep brown orbs.

"How do you know I'm not in pain?"

"If you are, I'll be able to give you a bit of my energy, but I can't. That means you're not."

"Oh... Does it work like that?"

"Yes, like a glass full of water, if there is nothing wrong with your body, your vessel, I can't give you more energy when your own energy is full," the God smiled thinly.

"I have my own energy?"

A chuckle, "of course, every living beings are, after all we came from the same source. The same energy from life force of the universe."

"Oh..." Taeyong titled his head in wonder, "so I have the same energy like Han's?"

"So does you to me, only the quantity of it are different. You have a vessel, that's why the energy within you are limited."

Taeyong frowning deeper, thinking and thinking, "so... You don't have a vessel? But I can touch you."

"I told you this is my human form, I created the solid appearance by congesting mass of energy," the God laugh softly at the clueless expression on Taeyong.

"But if you did that... Then wouldn't your energy overflowing your temporary vessel? I mean, if it's as you said it a glass of water, then the usually free flowing water would burst out from the sudden containment, right?"

The God fell silent, his expression was hard and Taeyong inwardly cringe as he thought he had step on a landmine. But then a small tired and sad smile rose on the thick lips.

"Yes, that's why I said keeping this form took a lot of me."

 _Then wouldn't you explode if it's like that?_ The thought immediately flew in Taeyong's mind.

"Let's get you something to eat," The God said with uncomfortable smile. He rise but the movement was not as graceful as always, this Taeyong noticed immediately although he could only wonder why and his mind fleeting to the scene he witnessed yesterday. Taeyong had no intention to ask, but then the God almost stumble down and reflextively he jolted up to catch him.

"God Jaehyun!"

"It's okay, I'm just a bit tired," the God quickly waved his hand and straighten his body, walking to the kitchen without sparring a glance to Taeyong.

 _Tired?_ Taeyong never have thought that he would hear that word coming from the God. God Jaehyun never sleep, never eat or drink, he was always so strong, so graceful and now he's suddenly tired?

Like any other day, God Jaehyun made meals for Taeyong in no time. Like any other day, God Jaehyun made the river warm for Taeyong to wash himself. And everything are the same like the days before, nothing change, only that the God appear slightly sluggish and the smile which had look so bright and warm, become small restrained smile with hints of tiredness and sadness. But why?

"Is something wrong, God Jaehyun?" He asked warily, afraid of the answer yet he can't help wanting to know. But as always he was answered with the same smile which told him the God didn't want to be asked.

"Nothing is wrong, Taeyong."

 

\--

 

Days passed yet God Jaehyun's condition didn't get better, outwardly he didn't look any different but the human could feel it, and if anything the God's sluggish and slow movements are reason enough. He done everything in the same time, same pace, yet God Jaehyun's physical movement was never the same graceful and smooth movement anymore, like the body is not entirely his own. Sometimes Taeyong even saw the God hung his head low with closed eyes and took a deep breath as if holding a heavy burden and look extremely tired.

But whenever Taeyong asked him about it, he never say anything other than a smile. His heart clenching painfully at the sight, feeling a foreign worry which he never place on the Godly being rouse every each day passed. He wished to be able to do something, to help him, but what a insignificant useless human like him can do? Nothing other than watching from the sideline, waiting with anxiety and worry for the bomb to explode.

That day was a foggy day, something that happens quite a lot recently, but especially that day the fog was thicker it almost block the sunlight to touch the ground. Since morning Taeyong had feeling a bit cold due to the fog and chilly air, he even wore his coat inside the cottage, that was why he noticed immediately when a prickling heat wrapping his entire body. At first he didn't understand, but then a shiver run through his spine at the realization that it was the God's presence.

As soon as the fear growing inside him, his blood run cold when a growl sounded from the bedroom, right behind him when he's standing in the kitchen. He didn't know how did his mind able to work that fast, but he realized that all this time inside the cottage it never felt cold, it was always warm and cozy even at the coldest days due to the God's doing. But that day was an exception, and as he heard another deep terrifying growl, he knew, the God have no control.

The memories from when he was attacked come rushing into his mind, bringing another shudder to his body and despite his feet feels so weak due to fear, his heart was very curious to take a look at where the growls came from. He could literally hear the buzzing in his ears because of the errantic beating of his heart and feel slightly light headed due to the rushing of his blood, yet still he turned around to look at the room. The door is closed, but as another growl louder than before sounded, he could almost feel the wooden floor and the door vibrating. A silver light seen flickering from the gap of the door and the floor, so as the prickling heat and fear inside him increasing.

Taeyong step forward very slowly, partly because he feels weak at the knees and another because he's scared. His head is screaming for him to run away, to just go and turn a blind eye to it, but his heart overruling it, tugging him closer to the door to open it and see it with his own eyes what is behind it. It was a hard war inside him, but eventually his heart shut down the instinct to save himself just because of curiousity.

He wrapped his palms around the door handle, inhaling deeply to brace himself and push it. At the sliding sound, a loud crashing noise heard from inside the room, surprising him and his hand accidentally pushed harder, opening the door wide in a quick movement. But the room was empty, there was no God Jaehyun and only a broken window and shattered wood all over the room was seen. Something was crashing the window and run away through it.

Taeyong was confused but deeply relieved he found nothing and still alive. For a moment he had thought it could be a wild animal, but then again he had felt the God's presence so immensely before. What happened just now?

His mind quickly reminded of the scene he saw when the woman with burgundy hair caused a scream out of God Jaehyun days ago, he wondered if this and all the strange things he felt are related to it. Still no matter what the answer is, he is incapable to do anything. It's always the same circle, him wondering, thinking and be curious yet in the end he can't do anything. Unconsciously this repeated circle further making him feel useless and worthless.

He was already anxious enough when God Jaehyun reverted back to only showing him small smiles and no longer as cheerful as he did a couple of weeks ago. Taeyong had felt the distance between them growing and with what happened just now, he feels the distance is even farther away. He was blessed with close intimacy with the God before, but he was greedy enough to not be thankful and wish for more. Now he felt he lose all of it and the distance which is increasing is because he was greedy, it was his karma. These thoughts keep running in his mind and his heart grow even more anxious as the sun setting at the horrizon as God Jaehyun still nowhere to be seen.

That night he get into bed alone, grabbing his pillow tightly as if the act could ease a bit of his anxiety. He's sobbing quietly and curling his body as if to hug himself, afraid of the uneasy feeling thumping inside his heart, the feeling of something that would take the God away from him. Every time his head decided to show him the image of God Jaehyun leaving, he cried louder and grab on the pillow tighter to hold himself from sinking even further. He don't want that, no matter what he want to stay together with God Jaehyun. No matter what.

A few seconds before he's falling asleep tired from crying, he felt strong arms embracing him from behind, assuring his anxious heart with warmth and a gentle kiss on his temple. As long as God Jaehyun is with him, he doesn't care.

 

\--

 

"Why did recently Han never come into the house? She always stay outside in front of the balcony now," Taeyong asked one day, another thing of many things which bother him these day.

The God didn't answer immediately, he keep his palms on the warm surface of the mug filled with tea, but his silver eyes shifted to the wolf who's sitting right where Taeyong had said.

It was a mumble, a whisper which the human couldn't possibly hear, "because she knew I'm not in a good state and dangerous."

"What?"

"It's okay, it's nothing, just drink your tea," he said as he finished his tea and quickly stood up and leave. Taeyong didn't know where the God is going, all he knew is the God always go somewhere he couldn't find him everyday, as if he's hiding something, as if he's avoiding Taeyong. But now if he think carefully over it, since the first day the God stays with him, he always gone for a few hours or so every single day too.

Where and what is he doing in those times he disappears?

Suddenly he heard a scream, one that caused a shiver on his whole body. Instinctively Taeyong stand up, straighten his back and sharpened his hearing and sight, being extremely alerted and get into a stance ready to flight or fight depending on the situation. He's waiting, inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply to calm his nerve although it didn't really help. Then another scream yet this time it become a growl, a loud deep growl and noises of something being broken and falling trees.

Knowing it must be God Jaehyun and the possibility that he's in pain, Taeyong hurriedly run to it despite his head warning him to run to a whole different route. He ran and ran no matter he saw trees snapped like a twig broken into two and spots where it looked burnt although no fire seen, only smokes and blackened grounds. The air is tight, it's hard for Taeyong to take a breath and it's hot, other than it adding the prickling heat on his skin, it also slowly burning his lungs. The sky is dark, rumbling with thunders.

Maybe he's seeing a bit of the God's true power, it's destructive and overwhelming. That the God is not only the warm, kind and graceful being he knew, but also this destructive and strong, almost uncontrollable. Taeyong didn't know if it's the hot air or his emotions which caused his eyes stings, tears forming and running down his cheeks. His heart filled with mixed feelings, madness yet also hollow as his feets slowing down due to fatigue.

But as his eyes caught the strong silver light, his feet pick up the pace again, dashing right to it. It was a strong, massive silver light much more majestic than when he saw it for the first time. The harsh presence of the God was so vast and radiating, causing his body to tremble and his heart madly beating, tears running down with him have no control over it. Taeyong stood there in awe but also in intense fear, for the first time seeing God Jaehyun in his true form.

The God is so tall almost three meters, his skin glowing so bright it almost blinding. And his fingers which now with long, sharp black claws, further made the God more intimidating. When Taeyong took a step forward, the God turned to face him, and this cause the human's heart to stop beating for a second, breath got caught in his throat at the terrifying image.

The God's teeth was so sharp and can be seen clearly as a growl came from behind it, Taeyong subconsciously running his palm over the huge scar on his shoulder. But it was the eyes which inflicted terror to Taeyong, it was so bright contrasting to the jet black dilated pupils which seems to pull Taeyong in.

He couldn't tear his gaze away from the silver eyes, but the longer he stare at the dark deep pupils, the stronger his soul get sucked into it and he could feel the dark, hollow space around him, the excruciating loneliness ripping his skin and clenching his heart so painfully.

" _Go away_ ," the deep growling voice said.

Taeyong gasped, finding himself standing on a ground again, back to reality and found his breathing again. He took a too quick breath and choke at it, coughing hard at the shock and pain from burning lungs, doubling over as strength leaving his body. It took him quite a long time before he's able to catch his breath again and stable enough to look up, but the God is no longer in front of him. All what's left is only a burning land and the frightened him. And a thought in his heart.

Did he just saw the heart of the God?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	12. Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want him to do something that would make him regret it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a double update, read the previous chapter if you haven't ^^

He wanted to run after God Jaehyun, but his legs won't move and his skin are now red and stinging because of the burning flame surrounding him. The fire didn't spread further, but the heat is hot enough to slowly burn his skin. He had been coughing non stop, feeling his throat dry and lungs burning more as spots of blood came out every time he coughed. He must move away from that place where fire consentrated, but how? All the strength he have left his body the moment he was got sucked into the God's eyes.

He winced when a certain spot on his arms hurting more than other part of his body, seeing blisters made on his skin. Before he even able to hiss out of pain, another cough fit hit him again and more blood splurted out. He didn't realize it first, but it was getting harder for him to breathe and there is a disturbing sound whenever he inhales. At that moment, without him able to stop it he thought, _am I going to die now?_

He closed his eyes, not because he surrender to fate but because he feel so tired, exhausted to the point he didn't care anymore to fall asleep on that burning land. But before his head touch the ground a hand caught his body, lifted him up and took him away from the fire, away from the hot air and burning smell. Before Taeyong completely lost consciousness he peeked through his eyelids and saw a flaming burgundy color.

Then, he fainted.

 

  
\--

 

  
He smells flowery scent and the smell of fresh soil after a rain, so tender and calming, his heart feels light at the nostalgic smell. Gradually he's opening his eyes, taking in the soft morning light as he turning his head to look around. Instead of finding a white hair and a face he knew so well, he found a beautiful face framed with pretty burgundy hair and amber orbs peering at him.

He blinked tiredly as his brain is still not fully processing, then his eyes grew wide and he jolted up in surprise, making a wider distance between them as a mean of defense.

"You're awake," a smooth voice heard coming from the woman.

Taeyong didn't know how to respond to the woman, all he knew that the woman might be a Goddess and that could either mean hell or heaven for him. But he couldn't afford to ignore her too, offending a Godly being is the last thing he want to do if he still wish to see the next morning sun. So he nodded to the woman, silently hoping it was enough of an answer.

"I've healed your injuries, your lungs was burnt pretty badly it almost kill you," she said.

Taeyong quickly check his body, his skin, arms and legs, there was not a single scar, blister or burn. His skin look like it's been reset, like a baby skin smooth and moist. His fingers reaching up to his shoulder, founding the bumps of the huge scar which was bitten by God Jaehyun still there, unconsciously he sighed in relief.

"Thank you," he breathed with a smile.

"I didn't do this for you, it was for Jaehyun."

At the name Taeyong immediately straightening his back, "where- where is he?"

"Out there, wandering and lost," she said expressionlessly.

"I need to see him, I have to go to him, I-" he stuttered, hurriedly getting up from the bed.

"What are you going to do when you see him? What can a human like you do for him in that state? Without me you would have died already, you human is as fragile as a glass," she took a step in front of Taeyong, movement as smooth as silk like God Jaehyun once were, blocking the human from going anywhere.

Taeyong didn't say anything, wasn't able to, but as much as he know he could do nothing, he still want to search for God Jaehyun. He just need to see him.

"Are you going to sacrifice yourself to him?" She asked almost like a challenge.

"He never want me to... He always... Reject me."

"Then why do you think he want you now?"

"I... I'm not... I'm just..."

"He doesn't need you to get him, he doesn't want to see you right now, you'll only become a burden," she said sharply, pressing the tone more at the end.

" _I know!_ I know he doesn't need me! But what am I supposed to do? Just waiting and sitting here all day wondering where is he? I- I just want to see him, I don't want him to suffer and I know he is right now!" Taeyong snapped and raised his voice, only realizing after he had said all that. He quickly cover his mouth with his hand, turning pale as he remember the being in front of him is a Goddess.

The atmosphere getting tense and thicker, an icy cold air latching on the human's skin and causing pain, different than God Jaehyun's prickling heat, hers is a cold stinging pain.

"You dare raised your voice at me?" She said in a soft, low voice yet full of intimidation, her amber eyes flickering dangerously. That is before she suddenly let out a snort then a chuckle, "you are really something, I like you."

Taeyong was dumbfounded when she's patting his head like a mother done to naughty kid.

"You are obviously scared, but you're strong willed too. Why are you adamant to see him when you can't do anything?"

The human quickly reacted to the question, "because I don't want him to suffer, a-all this time I saw sorrow and pain in his eyes, so I know this time too..." Taeyong ran his hand to the scar on his shoulder, "I don't want him to do something that would make him regret it... I can't stand seeing the guilt in his eyes, I just- I don't know. He may not need me, but I need him. But I don't know what to do, so at least I want to see him, please."

"Why are you begging me, human?"

"Because I can't help him... I-I know I'm useless but I can't just not doing anything. But you can help him, please help him... You must know what is it that happened to him, right?" He plead much with tears brimming in his eyes.

"I've done my part, he can only save himself. Worry not, he will be fine tomorrow."

Taeyong couldn't find comfort at the flat tone she used, even if the words meant to be so, he could only took it as mere words spoken with no meaning. In his heart fear and anxiety still growing immensely, scared of what would happen to God Jaehyun, terrified if this time he would really lose him for good, that the God wouldn't come back to him again. But aside from those turmoil, he still able to catch the Goddess words properly.

"What do you mean ' _you've done your part_ '?" He asked cautiously.

"He knew this is going to happen, he told me to save you if he hurt you in anyway," she answered with the same indifferent tone, but then she added with a softer tone and amber eyes flickering with warmth, "he really care for you, isn't he?"

It feels like warmth flooding his chest, thumping to every fiber of his being with so much emotions, happy yet strangely sadness also present.

"You too, somewhat knew what is happening, right?" She asked and as she saw the wide eyes of the human, she got the connection. "It was you that day, I felt a faint presence, you saw us."

For a second Taeyong's eyes darkened with fear, but then he thought maybe this is the time to know more of what is happening. She wouldn't harm him, he at least knew now that God Jaehyun wouldn't let him be hurt. He didn't really need to voice his question, the Goddess already know from the look in his eyes.

"He asked me to solidify his temporary vessel, because it's becoming too hard for him to maintain it himself. Yet still, the energy within him is far too overwhemling for a vessel with limited space to contain it, and so he exploded like what you saw yesterday."

 _Yesterday?_ He glanced to the broken window, seeing the morning sun when the last thing he remembered was chasing after God Jaehyun at early evening. It was definitely yesterday, he noted feeling slightly disoriented.

"After he exploded like that, two days to let out all his accumulated energy would do fine for him, he should be back tomorrow," she informed with her eyes trained on the human.

Taeyong wanted to ask, but also being careful enough to not offending the Goddess further, "when he is in that state... Did he... Lost his consciousness?"

"Did he lost his mind or not? No, he lost control over his power and then came rage from within, it's uncontrollable. And he is one of those with destructive power, it's quite a bother," she tsked in irritation. "He should grovel to me for stopping his flame from spreading all over the forest."

"But you are fine..." Taeyong mumbled lowly, gathering the Goddess's attention.

"What?"

"Your skin isn't glowing, so it must mean you're in your human form... But you-"

"I've only been in this form for few hours of course I'm fine, but Jaehyun? He's been with you for months, human. Those few hours he spared away from you to get back to his real form wasn't enough, but he also didn't want to leave you alone for days," her tone was a bit harsh and impatient, causing Taeyong to flinched at it.

"He shouldn't have... If it means him suffering right now, he should have leave me for those days."

"Well, what happened when he did? Oh right, you fell into depression and almost kill yourself, that makes a good story," she laughed humorlessly. But then she sighed deeply, running her fingers to her forehead, "it's hard to hold in the sarcasm."

"I'm sorry," Taeyong hurriedly said with broken tone, he really feels sorry and regretting the mistake he had done. His heart feels so heavy, so broken to know that it was all his fault. He could no longer holding in his tears, but he didn't even have the strength to wipe it off, it feels like he had lost all the will to do anything. All he wanted at that moment is to see God Jaehyun again, to apologize, to embrace him again and told him, he could take everything away from him. Not only as his atonement but also for his love.

"Now, don't go crying on me boy," she sighed again, "I didn't meant to say it was your fault, if anything it was his fault, he chose to stay it's his responsibility. If he hadn't chose to stay, you're not his responsibility, even if you die it's not his sin. But that's just how he is, so really it's his own fault. I was just a bit mad at how frustrating the situation right now."

Taeyong sniffed as his tears welling up more, bringing his hand to cover his mouth to hold in his cries but he had no control over his tears so he shut his eyes as a mean to stop it, it won't. Then he felt a hand on his head, patting him gently in a way that is different from how God Jaehyun always did, but the comfort it caused is similar.

"What you need to do is to stay safe, wait here for him to come back," her voice was soft, gentler than he ever heard her.

Taeyong choked on his cries for a bit, then said as one of his hand grabbed the scar on his shoulder, "I-I think he exploded too before... He was scary, the look on his face was scarier than what I saw yesterday. And he bit me here, but I don't care... I know he wasn't himself. But I don't want to see the sadness, guilt and regret in his eyes whenever he saw this scar... I don't see this scar as something bad, but he's tormented by it because he is just that kind. And now... I-I don't want him to do something that would hurt him in return with guilt and regret... That's why I want to see him, at least I know what he did... Maybe I can stop him from doing something he would regret."

The amber eyes stare deep into Taeyong's dark brown eyes, then a thin smile seen across her lips, "have it ever occured to you that he feels that guilty because it was you?"

Taeyong blinked, "what...?"

"Just stay here and wait until tomorrow," she said while standing up and added with a smirk, "I've put up a barrier around this cottage, if you try to take even one step out of it, it would warp you back inside. So it's futile trying to look for him, just rest today, I assure you he will be back tomorrow."

He wants to say more but decided against it because he didn't want to run out of the Goddess's patience.

"You should stop belittling yourself, human. It will do you good."

He sniffed, "the name is Taeyong..."

She jerked up an eyebrow then smirked, "good. Have a nice rest." Then her skin turn dusty and become a fog before vanishing like thin air.

That day despite every comfort the Goddess had said and the promise of God Jaehyun returning tomorrow, he couldn't have a nice rest, let alone eating properly. He's feeling anxious and terrified at what would happen. He's also afraid to see what kind of state the God would come back with. Not that he's scared of him, but he don't want to see him injured in anyway. But he's a God, can he be hurt physically?

Then as the next morning sun came out, Taeyong get out of the bed quickly. Dashing back and forth between the front door and the balcony, trying to see the God when he's going to come. Not even having breakfast and lunch, keep looking out to the distance to catch a white figure. It wasn't until late afternoon did he see the lean white figure materializing at the outer edge of the forest, walking slowly yet steady and graceful to where he was waiting at the balcony.

Taeyong's heart filled with joy and relief upon the sight of God Jaehyun. He wanted to run and leap to embrace the God, to feel his skin on his, to savor his warmth and soothe his anxiety. But he can't because as he did try to run, he was brought back inside the cottage due to the barrier. So all he can do was stood there waiting, with smile and happy tears wetting his cheeks. All he feels at that moment was happiness, what they needed to talk or think about was left forgotten.

But it was short lived because the first word came out of the God's mouth was,

"You have to leave, Taeyong."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	13. Connected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, he loves him so much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is a good day for me, so I'm updating hehehe. I hope you like it!

"What?" Was all he could muster when his brain freeze from the shock. All the happiness and relief he felt second ago vanished like it never there.

God Jaehyun didn't say anything more and walked pass him, into the cottage with much elegance like he always did before it all happened. He had gain control over his temporary vessel yet again, but his heart was harder to see just like before. Taeyong following behind him, scared and shocked that he didn't dare to follow too closely and merely staring with mixed feelings brimming inside him.

But what was a shock to him had become so real and clear when the God turned to face him with something in his hands. He feels his body turned cold and face pale as the item in God Jaehyun's hands given to him, he look at it, gaze unmoving still with paralyzed mind and body.

It was a bag filled with his clothes and neccesities.

The God meant every words he said and it felt like a black hole swallowing him. It was different than the many times before when God Jaehyun told him to leave. This time he really making him leave.

"I've told you already about the neighboring village, you now know how they are so you will be fine," the smooth deep voice said and Taeyong looking up very slowly to see the face. It took him a moment before his eyes could really focused on the white being standing in front of him.

_Is this really happening? Or am I still dreaming and this is only a nightmare?_

"Go Taeyong, you'll be alright now, I've prepared for your journey to be safe," Jaehyun said with soft and calm voice, face tender and unreadable for Taeyong to figure out what was he's thinking.

His heart had sank so hard at those words, tears welling up in his eyes as he felt himself becoming so small, so worthless and rejected. The bag in his hands feels so heavy as his lips quiver trying his hardest not to cry, not yet.

"D-do you hate me? D-did I only make you suffer and being a burden to you?" he stuttered a bit although he tried not to let any whimper pass his lips, throat aching so bad like it's blocked by the tears he's holding in so desperately. He don't want to cry, _no don't let these tears running down, I don't want to appear weak and further repulse him._

Taeyong might have imagined it, but the look in Jaehyun’s silver eyes soften as he spoke, "I don't hate you Taeyong, I never did. Your village and this forest are dangerous to you, so leave for another place to live a new life."

"I-I don't want to leave! If you don't hate me then let me stay with you! Didn't you said you're here with me? Then-"

"Taeyong, I was the one who's dangerous for you," the God cut in firmly.

Taeyong flinched a bit as a tear escape his eyes, "why? You protected me... You never harm me."

Jaehyun smiled sadly, his warm fingers then touching the human's shoulder, where the big scar which he caused will remain permanently. "I can't be sure to never hurt you again. I've already hurt you twice, you have seen me at my worst, I don't want to cause you pain anymore."

"You don't, you never hurt me. This... This scar is a prove that I... I'm connected to you, I wanted it." Taeyong grabbed his own shoulder and clinging to the illusion he made to believe that they're in someway, connected. It doesn't matter if he’s only being delusional, he just want to believe in it.

"Taeyong..." Jaehyun's soft, tired voice made Taeyong cringe inwardly, tears no longer able to be held in, he had thought _this is it,_ the God was fed up of him. "Whenever I see you I felt my heart getting tight and warm, your smiles made my heart beats faster and watching you sleep had bring me joy."

Taeyong blinking his tears furiously as he didn't understand a word the God said to him, it just so hard to believe it as he cry harder. His mind going over many scenarios, because those words so much like what he has been wishing for, but it couldn't be, right?

"I always have the urge to touch you, to claim you, to make you mine. But I can’t..." the God smoothing his palm on Taeyong's cheek tenderly, wiping the tears away with his thumb. "Taeyong, you're special to me."

"Then why?" he unconsciously said in a low whisper almost inaudible even to himself, swallowed by his pained cry.

"You know what would happen if I lost control of myself, you know how painful it is. You could lose your life... I don't want to hurt you, I did rather see you go and be safe away from me."

"Sending me away is hurting me more than that," Taeyong cried and grabbing the God's robe desperately, holding on for dear life because it's here he wants to stay, not anywhere else where Jaehyun doesn’t exist.

Jaehyun didn't say anything, he just let his hands caressing Taeyong's back gently, trying to assure everything is going to be fine.

"Do you love me?" Taeyong asked between his cries, bringing his eyes straight into Jaehyun's eyes. How he is able to summon the courage to ask those question, he didn't know, all he know that he must voice it.

The God had looked troubled, sad and confused, "I don't know what love is, Taeyong..."

"Then let me stay! Let me be with you because that’s all I ever wanted. I can't... I can't go on without you... I love you Jaehyun, don't send me away. Please... I can't bear the thought of never seeing you again," he pleaded with harder cry, his love was no longer a secret. He doesn't care what would happen in the future, all he know was he want to stay, he need to.

God Jaehyun could no longer stand the sight of Taeyong crying, he open his arms for the human to embrace him and they're holding each other tightly as if afraid the other would vanish in the next second. "You're suppose to hate me, why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I could never hate you Jaehyun, I never thought of you harming me..."

"The same thing would be repeated and it will hurt you again."

"Then leave me for those days if you need to, even if it takes weeks I don't mind so that you won't have to suffer... Just please, please promise me that you will always come back to me..." he cried, burrying his face to the crook of God Jaehyun's neck.

It was almost go unnoticed but God Jaehyun tighten his embrace, placing his forehead on the human's shoulder, "but you will be alone... It's painful to be alone."

"No," Taeyong quickly said, pulling away just so he could hold the God's face and gaze straight into the silvery orbs. "No Jaehyun, if it with the promise of you coming back to me, then... I will be fine," he said with a sad but also happy smile, eyes glistening with tears, reflecting the sunlight like diamonds. It was such a beautiful sight.

"That's so egoistic..." God Jaehyun uttered but not without a smile as bright as the human's.

Taeyong chuckled between his sobs, "I'm sorry that I love you..."

The God carressed Taeyong's cheek gently, their eyes connected as his thick lips brushed over the thin lips of the human. Capturing the smile with his own, but more to taste the warmth that exploding in their hearts.

"Then let me be egoistic too."

  
\--

  
It was just last night when he was unable to sleep, plagued with fear, anxiety and sorrow. It was just last night when he was so scared about the image of God Jaehyun turning his back on him and walking away replaying again and again in his head. Just hours ago before now, he's lying on bed with the same person who he wanted to be with the most, a happy big smile stretched on his thin lips not wanting to ever go away.

He smoothed his palm on the broad chest, the emotions within his chest flooding each time he savors the warmth coming from beneath. He nuzzled closer to the warm white skin, inhaling the faint smell of water lillies and fresh green grass drenched in the rain, the smell of nature, the smell of God Jaehyun. Although the Goddess have the same kind of nature scents and sweeter, God Jaehyun's is the one calms him the most, soothing him in ways nothing else could.

A low, deep chuckle vibrated his palm which he placed on the God's chest, "why are you not sleeping?"

Taeyong sighed contentedly, still with the remains of a sob when he was crying wholeheartedly, "I'm afraid to sleep..."

"Why?" The voice is so sweet, so tender and makes his chest feels so full.

"What if when I sleep... This is all a dream? What if you're not here beside me when I wake up? What if... This is all just a big illusion which my head created?"

"Taeyong..." the God whispered, slightly turning his body so he could embrace the man's body closer into him, "I will still be here when you wake up, I won't go anywhere without telling you. I can last for months before, I think I can handle for a month now. Right now, I have gain full control of my vessel again, you don't have to worry. If I need to go, I will tell you."

"I'm just troubling you, aren't I? I'm sorry..." Taeyong sniffed.

"Indeed you are," he chuckled lightly, "but I'm also only hurting you, right? We in the same boat."

"But you help me with many things, it's not the same... I never give you anything."

The God laughed softly causing Taeyong's heart to stop for a second before leaping in miles at the sweet, beautiful sound. This was the first time he ever see the God _laughing_.

"You have given me more than you think, Taeyong. You saved me more than I ever did to you," he said with a voice like lullaby and seems lighter than ever. Almost like happy and full of warmth, because that's what the both of them are feeling. For the first time it feels like there is no boundary between them, no more assumptions and only their feelings laid bare.

Taeyong sniffed again, "if you said it like that this feels more like a dream..."

"Then what should I do to make you believe that I am really here, with you?" Jaehyun smiled even more beautiful than he ever does.

Taeyong may have imagining it but the tone the God used is a bit suggestive, he couldn't control the blush which made on his cheeks, "em..."

"Oh? What are you thinking?" He chuckled before leaning forward to connect their forehead, "what is inside that little head of yours?"

Taeyong blushes furiously, not used to this newly found side of God Jaehyun, a tease that he is.

The God laughed, leaning again to kiss the thin pouting lips with so much endearment. Taeyong wouldn't be surprised if he get a heart attack in that moment, this is the second time they kissed and he wonders if he will receive countless more from now on.

"Rest now Taeyong, I promise I will still be here the next time you open your eyes, and still am the next and the next."

Honestly Taeyong didn't want to waste the time they spend right now by sleeping, but he can't deny his body is totally spent due to the emosional turmoil he had these past days. So against all his will, he found his eyelids growing heavier at the gentle stroking on his back and the lullaby being sang by the God.

Then he decided, what he have here right now, is indeed heaven for him. And he slept in the protective and sweet embrace of the God, for once again eager to see the next morning sun.

Ah, he loves him so much he wouldn't wish to be anywhere else than here, with his beloved God.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	14. Growing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Finally, I've been waiting."

He have never dare to even dream the morning he'd woken up that morning, or that he would ever experience that burst of happiness within him the moment he open his eyes. In all honesty when he felt his consciousness floating to wake, deep down he was afraid, that he would wake up to an empty bed like the past days, to feel cold yet again in his heart and loneliness latching to his soul.

Yet when he brave himself to open his heavy eyelids, he found another pair of glistening eyes peering at him, the clear silver orbs radiate nothing but warmth unlike the other times before. And right at that moment when he caught those beautiful eyes, a smile sweeter than the calming scent filling his lungs, rose on the plump rosy lips, making his heart swells in love even more.

_God, am I really alive or have I died already and now I'm in heaven?_

His heart was already going restless at the magnificent sight, but when the beautiful smile kissed his eyelids gently and left a peck on the tip of his nose, boy did that thundering came from his chest? He can't help but blushed like a stupid in love, a restrained whimper passed his lips when a deeper kiss touch his lips, overwhelmingly happy and shy.

"Good morning, Taeyong."

"M-morning," he stuttered, ducking his head a bit to hide his face which feels so hot.

A chuckle and how melodious did it sound, "How did you become so red that quickly? That's adorable."

Taeyong couldn't answer it with anything, he just bit his lower lip and hummed. His eyes gazing up to the face in front of him, carving every curves and edges in his mind to never forget and strangely although he had seen the face a lot of time, he could still find something new from it. He trails his fingertips on the white cheek, touching the cheek bone then the thick eyebrow, tickling the skin.

"How can you be this beautiful?" He whispered unconsciously, a thought which escaped his mind aloud, eyes still taking in the edges until it landed on the silvery eyes, the smile was thin but it was no less radiant.

"We think the same as I to you," the God said in equal whisper.

"You are really here..." his whisper was hinted with upcoming tears, not from sadness but wonders, relief and bubbling happiness.

"Yes, I promised you so Taeyong."

He was conflicted whether to chuckle or sob, he did both in the end, caressing the white cheek once again to really sink in that Jaehyun is really there with him and not just his wishful thinking.

"Don't cry Taeyong, I want to see you smile," the God said still smiling to let another smile to bloom on the thin lips of the other man's.

"I just-" he sobbed and chuckled again, "this is hard to believe... You are really here with me and..."

Another kiss on his lips and his breath hitched for a moment before his lips curling up from the flooding and palpating warmth within his chest at the surge of happiness.

"Shall we start our day?" Jaehyun said lowly through his lips.

"Uh... Hmm yeah... W-we should," Taeyong really wish for his heart to rest at the beautiful sight, but it just won't listen and keep beating faster. His hands too, they wanted so much to touch the silky white cheek and maybe... His eyes landed on the plump lips, unconsciously licking his own at the urge to claim it again.

A gentle chuckle and the plump lips moved again, letting out a deep voice as the breath caressing his chin, "you can if you want to."

"Huh?" Taeyong said dumbly as his eyes shifted back to the silver orbs again, still being graced by a beautiful smile.

"You can do whatever you want with me. If you want to kiss me, do so."

If his heart beating fast just a moment before it get even faster now he was sure in the verge of hyperventilating and his head spinning from all the blood rush. Man, he wonder how must he looked right now, idiotic he guessed.

Jaehyun softly laughed again and nodded to him, "it's okay Taeyong."

He may have turned a bit deaf since the God's voice sounds muffled and so far away, the beating of his heart overlaying his eardrums stupidly as his heart somersaults. The words echoed in his head but he can't help but wonders if God Jaehyun really said it, did he really said to him that he could do whatever he wants to him? He may be a gentle soul, one that is plagued with low self esteem and tend to put himself in the background if he could. But before that he is still a man, a healthy one and so much in love, and desire come hand in hand with said love.

He had wanted so much to kiss Jaehyun since a long time ago when he first realized his own feeling. To trail his calloused hands over the smooth expanse of the white skin, bringing red blooming blush over it and claim it with his every touches and kisses. Running his finger in the silver strands and tugging it lightly, peering at the once cold silvery orbs and catch the spreading warmth within it, tasting the hot and moist breath on his own lips and mouth. Caging the slender waist with both his hand, just to feel, to take, to claim, to melt and fuse together.

It had been his dream in his wake and sleep. It was a growing thought no matter how hard he tried to dispell it, of how he felt so dirty and ashamed to have taint a graceful being with such thoughts. How can he touch God Jaehyun with such lust? How can he dirty him like that?

They had been intimated for once before, it was done in a rush and maddening minds it did left a different taste on both of them. It was needy and full of want, but something was not there, the core of their heart hadn't been naked. They were lost in their own minds and there was no such things as emotionally connected in that first affair, it was almost purely physical and done to claim rather than to belong.

And Taeyong is fucking scared, not only because he's merely a human, but also he didn't have the deep trust he should have when it come to baring their hearts naked for each other. He thinks, he's just a filthy human no one wants, how he just casually touch God Jaehyun as he please? He's ready to let his heart naked to the God, but he's afraid that in all his bareness the God would find him not worth it. And all his desire to touch the God only further push him back to the corner of his mind, crounching in the darkness ashamed of his own lust. He's a man so stupidly in love, lost to his own thoughts rather than to trust the radiating smile shinning down on him.

But the white tentative hand stroke his cheek ever so tenderly, as if caught his drifting thoughts and the silvery orbs soften in understanding, taking in all his worries and scars. "I want you Taeyong," he said in a smooth velvety voice, caressing his inner soul so strongly the human could feel the tremble racking his body out of bursting emotions from every cells of his being.

The words may be short, but it meant the world for Taeyong, to slowly ease his building insecurity. Letting his fear to reduce to a dull throbbing nag in the back of his head as Taeyong reach out his hand and let his palm touch the warm silky cheek. It was the first touch he let himself do with the acknowldge of what was between them truly is, the bond they both consent and not just a one-sided illusion. It was just a simple innocent touch, but the burning emotions had his whole body tingling and his hand which resting on God Jaehyun's cheek feels like it's burning yet also numb at the same time.

Jaehyun haven't said the word love, nor he explained what he truly felt for Taeyong. He only said Taeyong is special for him, made him feel joy and his heart beating faster, but he still don't know what it means, it could be something else than romantic emotions. It could be anything other than love. But right at that moment Taeyong wanted to believe in the way those silver eyes gazing warmly at him and hold so much affection in it, so warm and thick as if he's swimming through a pool of jelly as he hold the gaze with his own.

So he leaned in, not closing his eyes to take in even a slight flicker of the light in the silver orbs, to see if he had tresspass or not. To see if the light falter or not. But it didn't, it never did even as his lips touched the rosy lips, unsure and chaste. Then he claim it again, pressing a little harder and as the lips presses back and opening slowly like a blossoming bud of flower, something akin to confidence and trust lit up within him. Taeyong dares himself to kiss him harder and deeper, closing his eyes as bits of fear surfacing, still a bit unsure but mostly desperate like a thirst. Even when the back of his mind pounding to tell him to stop, he will himself to continue, for once doing what he wants and he did. In his heart mixed feelings rousing, proud, happy and scared. He almost too scared to stop, to let regret take over him in the aftermatch or to witness an expression he didn't want to see painted on the God's face.

Then again, his insecure mind proved wrong as a hand held his nape and pull him closer and closer. God Jaehyun kisses him back as hungry as he is, caught his lips in between his teeth and let himself deeper into his mouth. So much feelings, so much want, so much love revealed into the kiss and touches as their hands roams about, seeking and taking.

They didn't know how long time has passed, how many time they pulled back to catch a breath then lean forward again to taste more and more. A smile at first but then giggles and fingers digging through each other hair after each time they kissed, forehead pressed together feeling more bare and connected then they ever was. And this caused a surging confidence within Taeyong self, watering alive the died out self esteem. His heart swells in love, proudness and trust.

Although in the near future he would find himself doubting again, he had already chosen to live in the moment and savor every bits of it. No matter if it's love or not on the God's part, he would love Jaehyun in the way he wants and no more holding back his feelings due to fear. He would try to hold on to his growing confidence, and that he have the right for it.

And Jaehyun, as always he seems like he could read his mind, smiled more brightly than the sun and said much in a sweet voice like warm pancakes drowned in honey, "that's right Taeyong, you can touch me however you like."

As much as it adding oil to fire, Taeyong could only managed a furious blush on his face and hides away.

 

  
\--

 

  
Still he tip toed around the God, the chains of rusty old low self esteem holding him down, heavy although it's starting to alleviate. Standing a few feets behind the God, shifting his legs nervously and shaking his hands to calm down, and the moment he decided to rush forward and embrace the lean white figure, bile rising up in his throat and he'd back away, letting out a deep breath so he won't suddenly vomit. He cringed and hit his own head in misery, scolding himself for being such a coward and pathetic. But really, it's only natural after a long years of being humiliated and harsh self-torment.

He took a glance to God Jaehyun who is currently standing in the kitchen making something, before he shifted his eyes back to his toes, watching it squirms almost subconsciously due to nervousness. Unknown to Taeyong that actually God Jaehyun already done with preaparing food for the human, he was just standing there waiting, letting Taeyong to nourish the budding confidence himself. A huge smile of happiness and proudness blooming on his lips as he felt arms embracing him from behind rigid and unsure, noticing the thundering heart on his back so dearly he couldn't hold in the chuckle.

"Finally, I've been waiting."

Taeyong's breath hitched a bit, a question in the back of his throat yet he didn't let out. As always God Jaehyun took the role to assure and let a piece of his mind to be heard.

"I told you don't hold back, do what you want," he catch the human's hand in his, caressing the skin gently with his thumbs to instill what he's about to say. "It's not only you, I want this also."

The arms around him tighten, encasing the God more tightly and he could feel the growing wetness on his back, so God Jaehyun shifting in the embrace to look at the human. And Taeyong, even through the thick layer of his tears could see the flooding affection in the silvery orbs, the smile which radiate nothing but endearment and cooing him gently. He buries his face in the God's chest, crying for himself, crying for happiness and finally and truly catching the Godly being with his arms. As _his_ , the one and only. And he cries harder when he felt God Jaehyun hug him back, resting his cheek on his head and placing kisses on his hair.

"Such a cry baby," God Jaehyun chuckled adoringly, "I never know what love is, Taeyong. But seeing you and being like this with you, maybe it is love. Maybe what my heart is trying to tell me right now is that this is love."

He pulled away for a bit, craddling Taeyong's face with his palms, "that I want you to touch me as much as I want to touch you, to feel you, to see you, to be with you." A smile then a kiss each on Taeyong's forehead and cheek, lingering and affectionate. "So don't be afraid Taeyong, I want you as much as you want me."

The human's face right at that time was a mess, wet with tears and snot. Eyebrows, eyes and mouth all crumpled like a wailing baby, but it was no less beautiful and touching for the God, even when he taste saltiness on the tips of his lips where he had kissed him.

"Yes," Taeyong croaked comically but God Jaehyun didn't laugh, he took in the colliding of their bare hearts with a pretty, genuine smile. Something he had long forgotten and lost in memories of pain and loneliness. The truth is no matter how Taeyong is a mere human and often thought of himself as worthless, he was actually the one who anchored God Jaehyun's heart and saved him in a way the human haven't understand yet.

"I love you," Taeyong continued in his cries.

And those words had save God Jaehyun a whole lot more.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	15. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "listen well Taeyong. What I'm about to share is to be keep to yourself and hold it near your heart."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double updates because it felt like I've neglected this story for too long lol
> 
> Hope you like it!

For the first few days it's all about touch, cuddle, Taeyong faltering and touch and cuddle again to let it sink in. God Jaehyun wouldn't leave him alone, he couldn't as he don't want the human to start thinking and lost in his thoughts, shrinking like he always did before. So he stays, not really saying anything but let the touches and kisses lingers to be felt and understood, more profound than any words can.

But Taeyong didn't only fall back, slowly and steadily he's starting to be brave to initiate skinship. Sometimes it still churn his stomach in angsty feelings, but then he would will it away and reach out to give and take.

  
"Why would you always want to cook for me?"

"There is nothing else I can do, and I like doing it," God Jaehyun smiled and pinched Taeyong's cheek lightly. "I have to make sure to fatten you up."

Taeyong giggled and craddles his cheek in glee, happy like a child at the attention, he had been able to receive it so well. No more anxiety which push bile up his throat, but a bubbly warm feelings and butterfly in his stomach. Because the loving gaze radiating from the silvery orbs are true and never changes. All he wants to do now is to bask in it and returned it with all his love.

He rest his head on the broad shoulder, inhaling the fresh scent of water lilies and wrapping his arms around the slender waist with all his heart, molding their bodies and warmth together like a gentle thudding of their hearts. Sometimes place a kiss on the white smooth neck, an innocent and light one. But sometimes he let his tongue and teeth to taste and graze at it, letting out bits of his need and want. And the God would smile and let out a warm chuckle but never let him wander further. It's okay because they both know, they can't. Not when they both want it so bad and one wrong step could send them fall down spiralling to regret.

Most of times it was Jaehyun who often initiated things and bolder at it. Sometimes gentle and sweet, then it will be latched with wants and heated, yet he's still fast enough to stop it if they both starting to drown a little more deeper. They couldn't stay away like their souls thirst for each other, like magnets drawn closer so strongly. But with it comes also the price as they're not of the same beings.

Like osmosis, the smaller energy was getting pulled into the bigger one which was Jaehyun's and Taeyong would feel dizzy as if his soul being sucked into that higher realm again. That's why God Jaehyun would always stop and keep their touches shallow, yet it won't always work as they crave for each other so much. So much that they would lost into it until Taeyong will collapsed and God Jaehyun would again erected a layer of defence around him in hope to let his human not be hurt again.

It was much like a push and pull relationship. One moment Taeyong pull God Jaehyun closer in all his glee, but then push him away when anxiety claimed his mind again. One moment God Jaehyun willing to let down his barriers to touch his human, then he would close off like a die out light and push Taeyong away to prevent himself to hurt him.

So they meet in the middle, where it's easier to share light touches and kisses, but also able to quickly take a step back and let a safe distance rest between the two of them. It's been three times that Taeyong had fainted during their intimate moments where they were just kissing and touching and suddenly he fell like a withering flower to the ground. And then he would woke to a searing pain which would last for a few days until it's completely gone. It's fading a whole lot faster than when it first happened because they hadn't been gone all the way like it was before.

Still God Jaehyun didn't want Taeyong to hurt and it's dangerous. And in all honesty Taeyong also didn't want to feel those pain again, it almost drive him crazy and frustated. Even so, he didn't regret the intimate touches and kisses they could share and he wouldn't change it in any other way.

And that day, when air starting to feel cold and naked branches dancing in a welcoming gesture as the blue sky gaining orange color, they sat at the balcony, wrapped in each other warmth gazing at the scenery to melt together in their souls. Taeyong was craddled in God Jaehyun's arms in between his legs, heads leaning to each other as they shares their minds.

"Winter slowly coming," he said with honeyed voice, tickling the hair of the human.

"It's almost been a year since we first met..." Taeyong thought aloud, gaining a soft smile and a kiss to his temple, lingering and sweet.

But even through the sweet time they share, Taeyong's mind often drifting to the village he had left behind. And his dad recently filling his mind in such a peaceful time, wondering if it's right for him to feel that content and happy when he didn't know what was happening to his village. And his chest hurt at image of his dad suffering again through an upcoming harsh winter. Will he survive? Will they survive?

"When human dies... What happen to them?" It was a thought which always residing in his mind, but in that particular moment he couldn't hide it anymore and let it out. To share his doubt and fear rather than gaining an answer.

God Jaehyun tighten his embrace, his palm stroking the human's chest and let his fingers linger on the huge scar on Taeyong's shoulder, leaning down to kiss it. "If they were of good and pure souls, they would come back to nature, merging together with the force of universe, a calm and peaceful death. If not... They will stay on earth until their memories fade away and come to another existence, another life, another person. And it would continue over and over until they purify their souls and able to come back to nature."

"Like... reincarnation?"

"Something like that."

Taeyong grew quiet, wondering at the thought, the repeated cycle of life and he questioned, "is it like that for every living beings?"

"Yes, but it only happen with humans. Because most of them is a creature of greed and their ego made them lost sight of what was trully matter in life. Made them forget what's the reason for their existence and only quenching their thirst and hunger."

Taeyong turned his head and share a gaze eith the silvery orbs, taking in the hint of sadness within, "what is the reason?"

A chuckle and the God run his hand on the dark hair of the human like a mother placating her child, "it is not to be told, Taeyong, it is to be understood and you have to find it on your own."

"Then how could they know if no one tell them?" Sometimes Taeyong's naivety is too much that all God Jaehyun want to do is to squeeze and coo at him. But he let it rest in his heart and didn't do it because Taeyong is not a kid and he want those innoncence to stay.

"It's in everybody soul, it was always right there, but many are too blind to see what was right in front of them," he supplied and capture the thin lips with his own, tasting the scent which so distinctly Taeyong's.

They fell into the kiss, slow and careful, not too deep and needy, fingers brushing tenderly on each other jaw and shoulder. Pulling away when Taeyong could feel a bit of his energy shifting away, resting against their foreheads for a moment before Taeyong settling back on the God's chest.

"What about you?"

It was a careful, cautious question. He bit his lower lips as he said it and close his eyes to feel any doubt which could rise between them. But God Jaehyun didn't say anything nor his body become tense, as if he already expected him to ask it.

So he asked again, "will you die?"

"There is no death in my existence," he replied quietly, almost like a whisper latched with sorrow. "I would live a long hundred years before my energy gave out and I'm being pulled back into the force of universe, the massive energy from which we all came. But then I will surface again and live another long, long years."

Taeyong took a deep breath, filling his lungs with cold air as the sky darkened and a lone first star seen. "But it would still be you?"

Not another existence, not another life, not another persona. "Yes, it would still be me."

And Taeyong shifting in the God's embrace, facing him so as to take in all of him when he asked this, "if I die... And I born again, you would search for me?"

The deep dark brown orbs was flickering expectantly, waiting and hoping for an answer because that's how much he love the Godly being and he would repeat it all over again if he could. But God Jaehyun didn't say a word, like he always has and only shows him a soft smile full of affection but his eyes swimming in sadness.

Because unlike Taeyong, no matter how sweet and happy the moment they share right now, what they have was also hurting and dangerous for the human. Even if he would crave for it when the human would be born again, he wouldn't wish such pain for Taeyong. So he wouldn't. He wouldn't search for Taeyong if death separate them, it was only for the best.

 

  
\--

 

  
"The ice is cracking."

Taeyong turned in amusement, "is it? I can't hear it. The ice over the lake is still too thin."

"Yes, so don't walk on it."

"What do you take me for? A kid? I know!" he pouted and God Jaehyun laughed softly.

He's starting to trot away but the God took his hand sweetly almost like a light apology and said, "I was just kidding," he chuckled.

Taeyong still pouting, but he squeezed the smooth hand in his tenderly. Such a simple touch, but it held so much emotions and his heart swells in warmth again as he look back to see the bright smile of the God.

"I love you," he breathed out because it's getting too much in his heart and replied with a brighter smile.

"I know," God Jaehyun pulled him by the hand and catch him in embrace, kissing his cheek and lips, "and I to you"

Taeyong bit his lips to hold in a squeal of embarrassment, letting his head fall onto the God's shoulder and kiss the silky neck lightly.

"You really love my neck, don't you?" Jaehyun grinned, "you always kissed it."

Taeyong giggled, pulling away and cupped the God's face in his hands, eyes peering so warmly it brought butterfly in his stomach. "Not just your neck," he kisses Jaehyun's eyelids, nose, cheek and chin, savoring every each kisses with his whole being. "I love all of you, so, so much."

It's always like this, even in such heartfelt moments there is still a hint of sadness glistening in the silvery orbs. Like a secret, like a scar which yet untold and Taeyong willing to wait. Just as God Jaehyun coax him to touch him however he liked, Taeyong would wait until he's willing to share his scar with him.

He pressed his lips on the rosy lips, tasting it, claiming it and savor it. Brushing his thumb on the high cheekbone then rest his palm on God Jaehyun's neck, pulling him closer. "I want you..."

Jaehyun understand what was being said, so he pull away, sharing a gaze and unspoken words, but Taeyong try again, "can we?"

"Taeyong..." his voice so low it almost like a plea, "no, Taeyong, we can't"

"Leave me for a day or a week, that's okay. Just, come back to me and I want all of you."

A frown made on God Jaehyun's face and for a second Taeyong cringe inwardly at his selfish request, but he hold his ground because he want it, he _need_ it.

"Even though I get a full control over my vessel, it would still be hard, you know it of how many times I lost it and you suffer as the consequence. The last thing I want is to hurt you."

Taeyong closed his eyes, yes he know, he know very well. But he couldn't hold it in, he want it, he need to feel Jaehyun throughly. To feel belonged and make him really his, to feel the love racking his flesh and bones, savor it to the last drop. But he also knows he's being selfish. So he closes his eyes to calm himself, to seek serenity in the warm embrace.

But then he heard a long sigh and fingers caressing the side of his head. As he open his eyes, another pair of eyes staring deeply into his, a soft frown made on the beautiful face but also an uncertain smile.

"What do I do with you, Taeyong," he said much tiredly but also affectionate. He leaned in to let their lips met into a kiss, a wet and desperate one. The he pulled back with a visible tremble of his shoulder still with closed eyes, "listen well Taeyong. What I'm about to share is to be keep to yourself and hold it near your heart."

"Yes," he replied in a whisper as his heart thudding violently in his ribcage, sensing the heavy responsiblity which would be downed on him. Fear and excitement mixing together like a snake coiling in the pit of his stomach.

God Jaehyun took Taeyong's hands in his, bringing it close to his lips and kiss every knuckles carefully, as if pleading and wasting time. Then he open his eyes and let his silvery orbs gaze straight into the dark brown ones, more than emotions there was something shared in it and it bring an electrifying jolt through Taeyong's body.

"I give to you Lee Taeyong my true name, _Yoonoh_."

It almost like a harsh pull on his heart, so hot and shocking before warmth washed all over him even to his fingertips and he could see, and could almost _feel_ the emotions swimming within the white lean figure in front of him. Almost like seeing a naked heart and it's _true_.

"Call me," the God muttered barely a whisper but he heard it so well.

And the name roll off his tongue so perfectly, so sweetly, "Yoonoh."

God Jaehyun closed his eyes, his lips slightly parted as if basking in the feeling before it's turning into a smile. Taeyong almost cry because he could feel it, the moment he said his name, he could feel the emotions in the God's heart and it's so overwhelming but also so, _so_ beautiful.

The eyelids fluttering open showing a silvery orbs with spreading trust in it and a small, gentle smile made on the rosy lips, "now you have all of me."

Taeyong could die in that moment and he wouldn't have any regret. Because really, he loves him so much.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	16. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yoonoh"

"Yoonoh, kiss me."

Immediately the rosy lips molding to his and he couldn't help but to smile against it. Then it pulled away and he tried again, simply saying and not at all ordering.

"Yoonoh, lift me up."

Again, immediately he was being lifted up off the ground and carried on the God's shoulder, he yelped in surprise before falling into laughter, grabbing the strong arms and shoulder tightly to balance himself. He didn't need to do that though because God Jaehyun wouldn't let him fall, even when the human is teasing him right now. He's not angry at all, in fact he feels light hearted and happy at the sound of childish laughter of his human. It's infectious and he found himself laughing softly too.

Taeyong continue to laugh before stroking the God's head affectionately, kissing the top of his head and telling him to put him down. But the God refused and lifted him higher causing him to scream before erupting in laughter again.

"Yoonoh, put me down!" He barked in between his laughs and was immediately put down to the ground. He's still laughing with silly face, pulling God Jaehyun closer by the robe and kisses his lips so happy and cheerful. And Jaehyun basking in the light bubbling mood around them, it wasn't often for them to be able to feel so happy and without boundary such as this.

"Yoonoh, lick me," he said playfully and yelped again when his lips being licked without missing a beat. His giggles causing a rippling warmth in the God's chest, like a gentle caress, so soothing and healing. "Stop licking me," Taeyong whined and pushes him away. "So even if I'm joking you would still compelled to it?"

"I told you it was absolute."

The light in Taeyong's eyes changing at the understanding, the heavy responsibility and the feeling which rousing up like flame in his heart. "Yoonoh..."

"Yes?"

But he stopped, because he realized he didn't need it. The Godly being was there in front of him, smiling and laughing with him, no anger ever seen in the warm silvery eyes. Because he had trusted him, even when he had teased and played with his true name, the God had trusted him to never ever use his name badly and dismissed his playful rudeness. And the trust which was given to him had felt so big, so overwhelming and so, _so_ much of everything. So he doesn't need to voice it: _Yoonoh, love me._

Because the trust was real and true and he don't need anything more. Taeyong slowly pressing his forehead to the God's, whispering, "sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I was... So happy I didn't realize I'm being rude by playing with your true name."

A soft laugh and a kiss on his lips, "no, it was fun... I don't mind."

"Really?" Taeyong tilted his head a bit, searching the silver orbs.

"Seeing you happy makes me happy."

He bit his lower lips at the attempt to hide his blooming smile and the pink dusk on his cheeks, leaning forward to peck the lips because he simply can't get enough of it. "I love you Jaehyun."

The God smiled briefly before capturing the lips again, more needy and deeper, feeling glad and at ease at Taeyong's wise decision for not calling his true name. "Use it, when you really need it."

Taeyong rested his head on God Jaehyun's shoulder pulling him closer, relaxing as he took in the calming scent, "I've got everything I need, what else would I use it for?"

"When I'm losing myself... Use it, call my true name," the whisper tickling Taeyong's earlobe, but more than that the meaning of what was just said bring a tremble on his body.

He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in the words and let it rest in his heart before he pulling away and smile to the one he loves. Letting all his emotions shining bare in the dark brown orbs and whisper, "thank you."

And they both find each other again in embrace, feeling warmer than ever even though winter surrounding them but their hearts yearn for more and more.

  
\--

  
The kiss is bruising, not rough, but deep and long as if they are not ready yet to separate. Theirs fingers trailing, touching, seeking and pulling at the intensity of their want and the notion of finally being able to burn their skin and blood. Their touches was still shallow, a bit cautious and uncertain yet it already making them hard to breathe as if they are drowning in thick water. Even so, they won't stop because they both need it.

A groan slip pass the God's throat as he felt something drapped over him, "Taeyong..."

It brought shiver to Taeyong's spine at such raw, rough and deep voice unlike the smooth gentle voice which often like a caress. It mirrored his desire and mount it even more. But he didn't fail to catch the plea because his head is ringing and feeling a dizziness coming closer, "Yoonoh... Don't take my energy..."

God Jaehyun gritted his teeth, shutting his eyes and his eyebrows knitted together to what look like pain. Instantly Taeyong could feel that his head not ringing and nothing get sucked out anymore, yet he worries that God Jaehyun will stop now. But he didn't stop, he's wrapping an arm around the human's waist and the other pulling Taeyong by the nape, connecting their lips again.

"Does it hurt?" Taeyong asked breathelessly when his lips finally being released.

"Just uncomfortable," he replied short but his smile was genuine and Taeyong let it go, pulling him to lay down together. The sheets feels cold against their burning bodies, but they didn't care and continue to feel and take each other.

They both swiftly taking each other clothes off, letting their skin bare to the touch and their hearts shown. Their touches left a burning trails, their kisses ignite the flame within more and more. And they call, and call each other names to ground themselves, as an anchor and to feel that this is real. What they have right now is real.

Taeyong flinched and a gasp escaped his lips in shock, fingers instinctively harrowing the God's shoulder when he feel something entering. It wasn't anything that hurt, just uncomfortable yet something makes him trembling in fear. The images of pain from the last time they did this haunting him in that split second and he almost, almost choke on his own scream.

But the gentle kisses on his shoulder where the huge scar rest, slowly calming him down. Like apology, like coaxing, like _love_. He let out a shuddering breath, willing himself to calm down and let the one he loves have him.

"Taeyong, look at me," the voice which whispering to his ear are soft, as gentle as his touch, a caress which also touching his heart. "Open your eyes Taeyong."

Slowly he's opening his eyes, looking at the beautiful face staring back at him. Pink coloring the cheeks almost as vibrant as the rosy lips which being pulled upward into a bright calming smile. But the silver eyes was much warmer than anything, so tender and wondrous. And at that time love flooding his heart, so warm like an overflowing honey under the summer sun, shaking his body to the fingertips. And Taeyong thought, _yes I love him and I trust him._

"I won't hurt you, not anymore... I will take care of you," Jaehyun said and his voice so much like a lullaby yet it burn Taeyong more in want, then he nodded, leaving a soft kiss under the God's eyes as an affirmation. And Taeyong could feel something moving carefully inside him again. "I need to prepare you so I don't hurt you. Tell me if it's getting too much."

He nodded again, one of his hand reaching for God Jaehyun's back, holding on. Another was fisting the sheets, letting it be the one to speak bits of his fear. But he's letting it go, trusting on the raw emotions radiating from the white figure above him, caging him possessively and protectively. He kissed and kissed the white skin to take, to feel, to imprint it deep in his mind. Instinctively pulling Jaehyun closer when he felt something was touched and a loud moan was ripped out of his throat. The first moment was embarrassment at how he could let out such a voice, but then every cells of his body screaming in desire and he wants more. He need more.

"Jaehyun," he called because it wasn't an order, wasn't dominance and he want it to be only what the both of them want, not another force which bending the other. "Do it, take me now... I'm ready."

He felt kisses on his face and his shoulder, gentle like a whisper, firm like caresses. Then he could feel it, slowly like a blooming flower at waking dawn, Jaehyun coming in with much care and tender touches to keep him together. Feels like an embrace, loving like their kisses and hot like the forming tears in their eyes. And Taeyong cried not because it was hurting or breaking him, but because it had felt so right and he could feel they connection, to feel the one he love so throughly and he was his. _His alone_. It was overwhelming, so much more overwhelming than the first time. Because this time their hearts are connected and they couldn't wish for more. _This is it._

But it didn't last long and this has proven hard for God Jaehyun, because he could feel the growl at the base of his throat and the strong urges to take and just take his human hard, racking his body. The wild side of himself roaring to be let out, to claim and makes his body rigid in Taeyong's embrace. He couldn't help it his power trying to burst out in the overwhelming emotions, he tighten his fist and slammed it on the wooden floor, just right beside them in frustration. Anger and fear rising within him, for the supressed urge and for hurting Taeyong yet again.

But he wasn't hurting, Taeyong understand what is happening. So he took Jaehyun in his arms and slowly pulling his nape closer to him, kissing the earlobe and calling out, "Yoonoh."

Then call again in his sweetest voice, "Yoonoh..."

Just calling and savoring the feeling of Jaehyun within him, burning and just feels so good. Guiding him to continue and he lift up his hip a bit to reciprocate the thrusts, letting his moans paints Jaehyun's ear and neck as the thin layer of his sweat tastes like a sweet nectar. And calling and calling the true name to anchor God Jaehyun, and they both need it, they need this.

 

  
Finally, they are connected.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	17. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You saved me much more than that."

When he woke up he had expected for his body to feel the searing pain, but surprisingly it's not. It was just sore muscles and his head pounding a bit in something like a migrane. But more than that, he feels contented, his soul satisfied as he snuggle closer to the warmth beside him and tighten his arms around it. His heart flipping and a blush forming when he heard a low chuckle and a big smooth hand stroking his back, reminding him that they are naked, _very naked._ And an equally naked limbs tangling itself around his and he just can't help that his breathing hitched.

"Good morning, Taeyong," the usual gentle voice greeted unlike the raw, hoarse voice from last night and Taeyong's body tingling cause of it, like the spreading warmth in his stomach.

"Morning..." he mumbled back through bitten lips and buries his head on the crook of God Jaehyun's neck, willing himself to calm down by the water lilies scent and not to get aroused.

The God wanted to tease more but decided against it and embrace the human more with all his heart, a bit pained because he have to leave. Last night had taken a toll on him and he need to get away, to shed off the temporary vessel before he explode again. So he kissed the dark hair which smell like the sun and fresh soil, like a warm summer breeze and let it lingers just as he left a part of his heart with his human.

"I need to go, Taeyong," he slowly whispered, letting the soft tone bring meaning of what he just said and he smiled when Taeyong tighten his embrace. He understand.

"How long will you need?"

"A few days, then I will come to you," he cupped Taeyong's face and share his emotions through their gaze.

"Promise," Taeyong kissed him, lingering and pressing again to savor the last seconds.

"Yes, I promise."

Taeyong tried not to look disappointed but he knew it must have shown anyway, so he relented with a small smile, brushing away the white strands off the beautiful face. Caressing every curves and edges, planting kisses so it would stay and imprinted in his mind. Then finally embrace him more closer and tighter before letting go. Because this is not a good bye, this is just a short separation so they can meet again and seek each other again.

 

  
\--

 

  
It took God Jaehyun almost a week before he's able to come back again. It was a long and lonely week for Taeyong, but he got through it will light heart because he know Jaehyun will fill his promise. Yet at such times when he was alone and left with his own thoughts to entertain, he came to think about many things.

And what had haunt him the most was about his father and the village. It's been such a long time since he left, in a few months more it would be a year. What have become of his father? Is he okay? Did the village in more crisis now and he has fallen sick? Or did he stay strong? Did the villagers harrass him? Is his safety still guaranted?

His worries momentarily got forgotten at the sweet smiles and kisses of the God, gentle touches cures his anxiety at night and sleep claim him peacefully each time. But even so, as days passed and peace filling his heart at the gentle presence of God Jaehyun, worry would still so persistently creeping into his heart, gnawing at his soul.

He couldn't stop the question to pass his lips, to let worry shown profoundly on his whole being because he loves his father so much.

"I wonder how is dad doing?" It was said lowly but the weight it heave slightly racking his chest at the turmoil it brought.

God Jaehyun turned to search at the longing gaze of the human, noticing the heaviness within the glassy dark brown orbs.

"Do you miss him?"

"Yes... I also hope the village is okay so he's fine..." Taeyong frowned since he knew nothing is changing at the village. He, the sacrifice, is still alive so the village might be very well in crisis.

The God didn't ask further nor did he answer, he just glances at the distant to see the setting sun. Letting the warmth of orange purplish color washes all over them but the worry latching the human. The slender white fingers slightly twisting the white robe and his silvery orbs flickering with determination.

 

  
\--

 

  
The next morning Taeyong found himself woke up alone in bed and the sheet was cold, which meant God Jaehyun already off the bed for a long time. And he was mildly curious when he found the God sitting by the balcony with serious expression and was patting the wolf, Han, with much sadness painting his face despite the smile.

"Go now, girl. I see you when I see you," he heard the God said to the wolf while pushing her to go.

"What happen?" Taeyong asked as his heart aching at the sight of sorrow within the silvery eyes.

"I bid her farewell and for her to go."

"Why?" He asked while slowly sitting beside God Jaehyun.

"She need to live her life, being attached to me only taking her away from her pack."

"Oh," He said although he was confused, why now so suddenly?

Silence fell on them, the God look calm and relaxed yet the apparent sadness on his features only making Taeyong afraid and anxious. Until Jaehyun suddenly talking in a soothing voice, almost like a caress.

"There was a boy who lived in a small village long time ago," he started causing Taeyong to frown. "The village he lived in was so lovely and full of kind people, everyone felt like family and taking care of each other in such harmony. The boy's life was full of love, many friends and many adults adore him just like any other kids. His parents are the sweetest person he ever know and he loves them the most. But it was a poor village, they often starve to give the remaining food for children. It wasn't only the adults who are thin, the children are too even though any food was prioritized to them.

"One day when the land was so dry and the sun burning so mercilessly, the village was burning. Their houses, the people even the children got burnt and only few survived. Few kids survived yet burnt terribly they would die in a few days in agony, it almost such a good thing to die immediately, but by some miracle this boy was spared only with little burns on his arms."

Taeyong winced at the story, the image of people suffering and in pain are almost unbearable to him. But he didn't understand the reason of God Jaehyun telling him this story, so he chose to remain silent, curious as what this story will connect to.

"When despair plagued the village and the parents wishes for the cure of their children, a Goddess came to the village," God Jaehyun slightly lowering his gaze before continuing again. "She was a Goddess of fire, filled with greed and hatred and was created by the congestion of human's ill minds. She was so majestic, so powerful and curious of how far would human feed their greeds. And when one of those desperate parents wished for their children to survive, she had tested them of what would they sacrifice as a price."

Taeyong's heart began thumping faster, realizing where the story is leading to, and he wasn't sure if he want to hear the rest of it.

"The once loving, kind and gentle villagers they were, had caught the boy with their desperate hands, forgetting who was who and blinded by their own wish. And presented him as a sacrifice to the Goddess with no hesitance. She was satisfied to found other filthy humans and agreed to take him as a price. And he was devoured by the Goddess in front of those survivors, every bit of his flesh and bone was eaten. All the boy felt was pain and agony and how he wished to die when he was let alive to suffer until the last bit of him was devoured."

A whimper passed Taeyong's lips, he had cried and surprised at how angry he felt at the story. It was the position he once in, although he was spared by God Jaehyun, he could understand how unfair it is. It must have been so terrible, to be betrayed by the people the boy loved and how he hate those villagers more than he hate the people who hurt him before. Because he knew of the villager's worst side, while the boy didn't, all he knew was the loving side of those people whom sacrificed him, it must have been so hurtful. The boy didn't deserve any of it just as he don't deserve to be hurt by those people like God Jaehyun always said.

"The children were saved, but the village was cursed as their sin sullied them. One by one died by unknown illness with a lot of agonies, it was a heavy price they had to pay," Jaehyun glanced to the human and letting his eyes seen full of sorrow. And for a second, Taeyong had a sudden thought that maybe he knew what was the connection of this story.

"Do you remember the sensations when you were brought to the higher realms?" Jaehyun asked.

"Yes... It felt like, I'm connected to the earth and the lifes within it."

"It was a little part of the life force of the universe. Every living beings came from and goes back to those life force, the world of light and energy. Except most human as they're detached from the nature, their soul never really come back unless their soul are purified. Until then, even when they had died, they never really die. But the boy, as he was devoured by the being with those massive life force, he was brought back to the world of light."

"He deserve it, he was of a pure soul," Taeyong said unconsciously although he only meant for the words in his mind.

God Jaehyun smiled thinly, yet it only make the sadness more profound. "When he was brought back, his memories are intact and fused into the nature, the mass of energy."

Taeyong could somehow understand the concept as he had experienced a bit of those sensations. The sense of fulfillment, the sense of being connected to the Earth and all of it's wonders.

"Sometimes... these souls then come to another existence by certain masses of nature's energies or by an overwhelming congestion of humans feelings," Jaehyun continued and Taeyong become even more sure where all of this going. "There are those become called as Gods by humans because of their enormous energy and those called as demons because of their power latched by darkness."

Taeyong's heart beating erratically in his ribcage, understanding more of the story, the person who is sitting in front of him, the one he loves. Does that mean... God Jaehyun was once a human? And the boy was...

"Then if... You took me as a sacrifice..." Taeyong uttered slowly, he knew he couldn't ask the question directly so he asked his own.

The smile which forming on God Jaehyun's face is so sorrowful and the silver eyes so dark like a deep cold well which pained the human so much he want to leap forward to catch the white figure in his embrace. But he hold it in because he need every words to be spoken and only let his gaze bring warmth and encouragement to the God to continue.

"You would be like me," and there all the human's question had been answered. All Jaehyun's fears, his rejections, he understand why he had acted the way he did by pushing him away. His kindness would never wish for another being to experience the same pain as his.

And this had brought him to another question, why suddenly Jaehyun reveal this to him? Rather than feeling happy by being trusted with his past, Taeyong feels a growing insecurity deep in his heart, as if there are more to come, like the being in front of him starting to drift away rather than coming closer to him.

"Why are you telling me this now?" He dared himself to ask, if the sorrow in the God's eyes is anything to go by. If Jaehyun hadn't meant for anything bad, why his eyes looked so sad? Shouldn't he feel at least a bit relieved as his burden been lifted by being truthful?

"I just feel that at least I owe you the truth, I don't want you to experience what I had. Living for so long pratically immortal, despite all the power, it doesn't feel good in the slightest bit. Being alone is so sad Taeyong..." He let his warm, fair fingers to caress the human's smooth cheek, "and you might feel what you felt just because you're lonely, it doesn't have to be me."

Taeyong took a sharp deep breath, "in the end it is still my true feeling no matter how it manifested." He might have low self-esteem, but he wouldn't let anyone not even Jaehyun to belittle his love. He know what is it he's feeling, no one have the right to judge it.

And those rosy lips once again graced with a sad smile, "I had done mistake before, you're not the first human being sacrificed to me."

At that Taeyong's heart ached, jealousy surfacing as he imagined another being was as close as him to the God.

"She was a beautiful person, bright and so cheerful, not once she shown her sadness or fear for being sacrificed to me, she was like a sun and warm. For me who had lived for hundred of years alone, she was like a light casting away my darkness and I was pulled in so fast into her."

Unconsciously Taeyong tightened his fist on his chest as if the act would lessen the ache, and he repeated this to himself, _it was all in the past._

"I hadn't know that the moment I took her, I would took her whole being, fusing her further to my energies like I was once devoured by the Goddess. And she was gone, vanished from my hold and I was left alone again, came within me another burst of energy to fulfill the wish of which why she was sacrificed." Jaehyun blinked, no tears seen but the sadness and regret within was almost too hard to bear. "I was the one who made her a sacrifice, had I not done that, she would retain her life, her short but happy life..."

This time Taeyong was the one who catch the falling of the God, smoothing his palm on the forearm which clothed by a white, cold robe. "You didn't know, it wasn't your sin."

"The long life as a being like me, haunting this land forever with intact memories which too painful to remember, it was also the price of what the sacrificed have to heave. With no means of rest, keep living and only being brought back to live a long lonely years, it was too much of a punishment. I have seen a lot of life come to end and find their peace in their death, it was something I truly envy, beings like me are envious of. Taeyong, you wouldn't understand."

"But you said humans are too detached from the nature, that they would not go back to that world of light and would be brought to life again in another form, so what's the difference?"

"But they would have another new life, new memories... While we would always remain stuck in the past unable to move on or truly go back to nature, it's easier to live with forgotten memories."

Taeyong fell silent, plagued with mixed feeling as the God had finally show him his true face, true emotions. He wanted to help, to assure him that he would make it better. But what power do he have to help Jaehyun? He was just a human, a once weak, sickly human before God Jaehyun saved him. Whatever he would say, it wouldn't hold any weight for the other. So he chose to kiss the rosy lips, let his warmth lingers on God Jaehyun's cold body as he wrapped his arms around him, let his touches be the speaker of his feeling.

Jaehyun returned the gesture, embracing the human's body as he rest his head on Taeyong's. Until Taeyong had caught on a certain idea, roused within him like a flame and determination, and so he said with much certainity, "then take me with you."

Jaehyun didn't answer right away but Taeyong knew he heard it as the body against him tensed after he uttered the words. Minutes flew by as if the both of them are too much in shock to even say a word. As it grew more tense, Jaehyun pulled away a bit, letting his face shown to the other. But there was no hint of emotions within his eyes nor his face unlike a few minutes ago.

Taeyong took it as his turn to speak, to let his mind known, to show his love even more than he had already done. "If living your immortal life alone is too lonely, than take me with you so that you wouldn't be alone again. I will follow you and be with you whenever you want, even if it's means crossing the ocean."

A beautiful smile graced the rosy lips, causing the human's heart to flutter as a gentle hand caressing his cheek, "you are so silly... You don't even know how the ocean look like."

"You said it was so vast you never see the end of it, scary yet magnificent and beautiful. Then that's exactly how my determination look like," Taeyong answered smartly and truthfully from the depths of his heart, catching the hand on his cheek with his own. And his chest swells with so much warmth and emotions as those beautiful smile landed on his cheek, eyes and his forehead.

"How is it your words always saved me?" Jaehyun uttered through his smile, silver eyes gentle and even, spared from the angst from before. At that time Taeyong had even thought, has he ever see those eyes as clear as it is right now?

"You saved me much more than that," he mirrored the God's smile only even brighter and eyes fixed on the silver orbs, connected in a way they can't describe but felt so immensely.

Then naturally their lips met in the middle, so much feelings and emotions poured to the touch, overwhelming yet also calm and content like a clear spring painted in a beautiful lights under the warm sun peeking through leaves. Their skin found each other and their soul are even more so tangled together in a world of their own, words never shared but it was poured directly to the core of their hearts.

But as a hand brushed Taeyong's shoulder and slightly pushed it away, he knew it was time to stop before everything spiralling out of control and so, they pull apart. Taeyong keep his hands lingers on the white robe, noticing the warmth which gradually becoming intense under his touch as his eyes met with the face of Jaehyun full of emotions but one was prominent, _content_.

"Taeyong," the God said in a voice almost like a music to his ear, "I must go somewhere today, you wouldn't see much of me, but know this, you will be fine."

Instantly anxiety grows inside Taeyong at the words, not merely because he would be left alone, but more because of his suspicion from the earlier conversation. Like something is amiss, the heartfelt kiss from before now tasted almost like a good bye. And he wasn't ready for anything like that, he will never be ready.

But before he was able to say anything, God Jaehyun had already gone from his sight and he was left alone in the small cottage with a growing fear.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the final chapter! Yaaay~
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	18. Together (Final)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I will not shame this name"

Winter is colder in the mountain, the wind blows harshly, fogs often come down and darkness looms faster. Taeyong feels it all the more with the lonesome anxiety pounding in his chest. It's been three days and Jaehyun still hasn't come back. Unlike the previous times when the God need to go, this time Taeyong had ill thoughts of never seeing him again. He feels it racking in his bones at night when sleep never came and winds were constantly rattling the windows.

He was terrified because he never felt winter that bad. He was never alone in winter and the God's last words kept replaying in his mind. Jaehyun, with his Godly power, always makes it easier for Taeyong to gather foods, woods and all the daily chores even when Jaehyun was away. However this time, he had it hard and there were no presence of the God lingering in the little old cottage, making it harder for Taeyong to stay positive at the thought of the God coming back. Will he ever?

One day he felt the air changing as the wind shifted and the sun burned brighter like a neon light about to burst. Just as when it's about to explode, everything came to a complete still, silence filling the space, particles stops and the sky was twisting like a distorted image. He didn't know what was it, what was happening, but he was sure it's connected to God Jaehyun and he prayed, he prayed he had it wrong.

When the morning came at the third day after the weird happening, what greeted him was not the God and he feels dread blooming from the pit of his stomach. The burgundy hair looked like a flame and it was burning his eyes as the denied tears started forming in the back of his eyes.

"You knew right, that he's not coming back." the Goddess said with her amber eyes trained on the human's face, glinting almost like a pity.

He feels his throat constricting, making it difficult for him to breathe but he needed to ask thus he pushed the air through forcefully, managing something close to a croak, "Why?"

"Have you ever wondered why we needed a sacrifice to fulfill a wish, when we already have a massive power to begin with?" she asked instead of answering, making the human grow even more restless and scared. "Changing a living being's fate need a lot of energy and power, because it's going against the nature, fate. Changing a crowd of people are even more so, hence the sacrifice is needed to catalyst the power."

And Taeyong know, he's no stupid after all, he knows what the Goddess is getting at, what she was trying to say. His heart started beating faster, pumping not just his blood but also fear within his whole being, the feeling of his gut dropping like he's being thrown from the sky while awaiting for his body to crush from the hard impact and impeding doom.

"If he didn't take the sacrifice...?"

It wasn't even a whisper, Taeyong didn't even know if he had said it or only the thought about it in his head, but the look on the Goddess's face does say that she get it. "It will take all of his power and his current existence will come to an end."

Those words hit Taeyong hard as he felt that his knees had weakened. He stumbled down, skin chafed as it skid over the hard wood of the floor. His mind stopped functioning, he couldn't feel himself breathing as he was starting to grow numb and something was pounding in his chest and head relentlessly, yet it felt so distant, like a muffled sound and he could feel it falling, falling into an infinite end. He was lost to the current, letting it drowning him because in that dreadful shocking moment, in his denial, he couldn't understand what was the Goddess was saying. Until he couldn't deny it any longer and the truth was sinking painfully in his heart, hitting him harder than the initial shock, tearing him apart as a scream started growing in his throat but it was soundless as he was unable to voice his anguish.

Taeyong knew, the shift of the wind, the twisted sky, it was Jaehyun. He was fulfilling the deal of when Taeyong was given as a sacrifice to him, he was fulfilling Taeyong's wish for the village to prosper again, so that his father could live a comfortable and happy life. Jaehyun did it for him and now he's dying, somewhere Taeyong didn't know. The God had done that so Taeyong can be happy, to feel relieved and unburdened from the forced responsibility he had carried when he first took a step into the mountain. Yet what Taeyong feels right now is that he's dying, terrified and anguished from the truth.

From knowing that his God Jaehyun had sacrificed himself for him and he couldn't do anything about it.

"Why...? Why did he do that? If he knows it's going to kill him, why? He will never see me again, I'll be left alone and how is that supposed to make me happy? How-" he jerked, fisting his hands as tears started falling down his cheeks and he almost choked on his tears. The emotions flooding within him are indescribable. It's chaotic, destructive and just so, _so_ lost and sorrowful.

A warm hand came in contact with his shoulder, meant to soothe yet it done nothing to his torn soul. "You know why Taeyong, it's for the best, it's for you. Let it go, forget all about him and move on with your new life. I'm here to help you because he asked me to before he's gone."

"How- How can I forget? How do you expect me to forget about him? I love him, I can't forget... I can't, I want him back, I need him back... That's all I want," he cried and cried like no tomorrow, heart wrenching horribly.

"I can make you forget, I can erase your memory."

Taeyong look up, tears still wetting his face, marred with pain but his blown wide eyes was full of disbelief and shock, as if the Goddess had gone crazy and he heard her wrong. "Forget him? Even if it's pains me, I did rather carry it with me rather than forgetting about him. I've learnt a lot of things, feel so many things because of him, how can I forget that I have ever loved him? I don't want to, even if it's killing me, but it proves that I loved him and the times I've spent with him..."

It was pity and understanding in the amber eyes of the Goddess, "So stubborn, human. If you forget, you won't even know these feelings, spare you from all the pain and troubles."

"But it wouldn't be me. I've changed after I've met him. If you erased it, I wouldn't be myself again."

The Goddess settled down, still with her hand on the human's shoulder as she started stroking slowly in a vain attempt to soothe. She knows this, she had been there with the same emotions and pain. "Feelings can change, human. Even more so with strong feelings, it tends to change into something else stronger. I know this because I've been there, when my love changed into hatred and it vanished like a cold wind and emptiness. Can you stand it? When your love would change into something else and corrupts your soul?"

The thought hasn't cross Taeyong's mind before, but now, it's almost crystal clear who the Goddess was and there was no space left in his mind to be polite when asking the question, "It was you, wasn't it? The woman he once loved?"

For a split second there was a dangerous glint in the amber eyes, then it eased and the previous emotions took place again, "Yes, it was me."

"Why...?" What he meant was, _why had your feelings changed? Why did you came to hate him? What had happened?_ Yet the Goddess as always understood what he wanted to say, what were his questions.

"That's because love is a strong emotion. Even though there were different kinds of love, it was as strong as the others. He was clueless about what he had done, he didn't know what his actions had caused. When his energy ran out and he was coming back into nothing, I came into a new existence. I was alone. I was lost, confused and scared, there was no one who can help me to at least understand what was happening.

"However, what was most painful was when I came to know how the world had changed, the civilization had changed and my loved ones was gone for a long time and I haven't been there to witness and share the sorrow. I don't know what had happened, how they died. If they ever think about me again, did they search for me?" the amber eyes look brighter than before, but Taeyong wonder if it was because of the hidden tears or the sunlight on it, it was beautiful nonetheless. "It ruined me and I came to hate him. I hate him so bad that I killed him the next time I met him in a same existence."

Taeyong's eyes went wide as his jaw fell down in shock, "Y... you killed him?"

"I don't know if the term kill could be used here but I did make him cease to exist in that period. However, he came to existence again, facing my hatred self yet again," she shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal at all.

There, in that moment did the story fit the gaps in Taeyong's mind, the question which arose when Jaehyun's fear said and shown in the beautiful silver eyes. The way the God was being very careful around him, how reluctant he was when Taeyong wanted to be with him, it was his fear, his regrets. Jaehyun didn't want to love him and make the same mistake again. Yet he did, and that's also why he chose to leave. So Taeyong will be spared, so Taeyong wouldn't hate him if anything goes wrong.

So he said the first thing which came up in his mind, "Why doesn't he understand that leaving me alone will also make me hate him too? That it won't make me happy at all? He sacrificing himself would only makes me feel guilty and regretful? Why doesn't he see that?"

There was a ghost like smile on the Goddess's face, her eyes soft and filled with something Taeyong couldn't decipher, but it was warm and gentle. "After everything, you still want to remember? You still want to be with him even it will risk your life and sanity?"

"Yes," Taeyong didn't even need to think, he knew what he wanted from the start and when he was allowed to be together with the God. He knew he need it.

"Even if you might grow to hate him and the long journey will torture you so?"

"Yes." Although Taeyong is mildly confused what the Goddess is getting at, his determination should still be known.

There was a long sigh, before the Goddess smiled softly almost like an acceptance, almost like a surrender. "I didn't hate him anymore, he's a precious friend for me now and I never want him to hurt again, I've done enough damage to him. Seeing you, maybe it's worth the try, maybe you'll be able to get through it."

Taeyong's heart starts beating faster, hope blooming in his chest as he witnessed the Goddess's smile growing wider and brighter. Should he dare to hope? To wish against all odds that he could still have it all and to embrace his love once again? The next moment when the words said and truth sinking in, his feet jumps off the ground and so he leap, and run and run to mend his soul, but also possibly breaking it.

"He's in the forest, a few days before he'll be gone for real. You will know where he is."

No, he didn't know where he was, his brain stopped thinking and all he could do at that moment was to run and keep running, cluelessly yet feeling hopeful despite the thundering heartbeat as oxygen running thin in his blood and he needed to breathe faster to accommodate. He didn't stop because stopping feels almost like a bitter taste of farewell on his skin, he's afraid to waste even a second which can bring him closer to his love, his God, _his Jaehyun_. Yoonoh he was, the little boy who had lost everything in betrayal and Taeyong love all of him.

He wasn't thinking, yet his feet brought him exactly where the God was resting weakly on the cold ground, eyes closed and skin whiter and duller than it ever has. The snow thinly covering the God's robe and hair, the once rosy thick lips wasn't so anymore and the lake where they often visited are now covered by a thick ice, wind blowing ever so slowly but also harshly cold to Taeyong's human skin. The picture is so breathtakingly beautiful, so gracefully white and pure yet Taeyong's heart sinks as his eyes caught the sight of Jaehyun lying lifelessly on the ground, being swallowed by the majestic of nature and it's almost wicked beauty.

"Jaehyun! Jaehyun!" he screamed while running, feeling his throat and lungs burning either from the restraint or the anguish plaguing him. Only when he fell right beside the lying white figure and harrowing his fingers on the cold, white robe did the silvery eyes opens tiredly.

"Taeyong? Why are you here?" his voice was so soft and low, barely a whisper but through the cold silence the human could hear it.

"Why? Why did you do it?" he screamed, frustrated and so pained, heart clenching more painfully than it ever did. This wasn't the face of his lover which he knew, there's a veil of death covering his beautiful face. 

Although the silver eyes looked so tired, the strength of determination shown so profoundly, "Because I want to. I wanted to make you happy, your father is fine now, he'll live for a lot more years to come, you will never have to worry anymore."

Taeyong didn't care when his tears kept flooding out and never seemed to stop, he didn't even care that he was barely breathing due to the cold air and it's racking his body in need for some warmth. "By sacrificing yourself? Killing and taking yourself away from me? Leaving me alone forever? Making me feel guilt and regret because I caused all of this?"

The silver eyes went wider, "No, I never wanted you to, not to this extent."

"Then take me with you, don't leave me, _take me with you!_ "

"Taeyong, you don't understand what is it you're asking me, you don't know how it feels and how painful it would be for you if I take you with me. Living forever is like a curse, you will never find peace in death, the grief from watching your loved ones die will haunt every seconds of your long, long years of your existence. I know how painful it is and I never wish for you to know it, to be become like me."

"But I'll be with you, you will be there to share the pain and so do I. So let me, let me take this choice Jaehyun," he pleaded, kissing the cold cheek and pressing their foreheads to savor the last moment.

"Taeyong... I might not be with you when the time comes, when you need me the most because we might not come to existence in the same time."

"As long as you promise me you'll search for me when we did, as long as there's a chance for us to be together again, then I'll get through it. I've chosen this from the moment we're together, so don' take it away from me, don't deny me, Jaehyun..."

"I can't bear if you grow to hate me, to see you regetting your choice, I can't bear it..." There were no tears in the silver eyes, but Taeyong could feel it from the pained tone of the God's voice.

"You're right Jaehyun, I don't know how it's gonna be, how painful it would be, but I know myself, and you know how stubborn I am. I love you, and will always be no matter what. It will probably be hard and torturous, but I'll still seek you with love because that's what I am, I will never be able to hate you," Taeyong leaned down, kissing the thick lips full with emotions, love, sorrow and also determination. "My mother and father named me Taeyong because they wish for me to be strong, to be great and never give up no matter how hard life will push me down and I will not shame this name. I may be weak sometimes, but I know I can come back stronger than before, you know this, you taught me this. So trust me like I trust you, no matter what, I'll still love you. So let me be with you... To share those excruciating long years together, to share the pain, but also to share our love because I want that, I need that."

The look on Jaehyun's beautiful face was burdened, but his eyes softens as a smile gracing his lips before he kiss Taeyong back, because he know, he need it too. "You're so stubborn... You never listen to me Taeyong."

"Yes, I won't back down until you say yes, until you promise me," he had it in himself to laugh softly, because he could feel it even before the God say it that this isn't a good bye. They will definitely meet again.

They shared a long kiss, sharing their pain and their love, letting the touch drown them in blissful wish and unspoken promise.

"I love you, I love you so much that it pains me," Jaehyun says through the kiss, a smile never leaving his lips as peace finally settles in his heart. "Don't ever leave me, Taeyong..."

Taeyong smiled back, capturing his lover's lips again for his heart to be felt, "I won't, I promise you I'll always love you."

 

Till the end of time

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that's it! That's the end~ I hope you like it and may you be able to take something from this story which i hold dear in my heart. This was the first ever chaptered story i ever finished years ago and they will always be special to me.
> 
> Thank you for reading to this part, may all of you be happy and find strength to fight for your life. Be happy, you deserve it.
> 
> Until then 👋
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


	19. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing can separate us now

"Pass the ball!" the boy yelled and another kicked it, but it was too strong and the ball flew too far, making the ball roll until it stopped right on the beach sand.

"Jisung, you're the closest, bring it back!" the oldest boy in their group said and the said boy complied, jogging to the beach to fetch the ball. But when he turned around with the ball in his hands, he stopped, his eyes fell to a certain spot, startled and forgetting about the game for a moment before the other boys start beckoning him.

"What the hell Jisung, why you stopped? The sun is setting and we got little time before we need to head back!"

So the boy jogged back and immediately an arm thrown over his shoulder, "what? You see something again?"

"Oh, did you see another ghost?" Another inquired.

"Yeah, I saw it near that tree," Jisung said while pointing at the huge tree a little up the hill near the field where they're playing soccer, ball forgotten near his feet as his friends take a look at the direction.

"I swear it scares me everytime you had that look, like you're shocked and then you tell us you saw ghosts."

"Isn't it scary to be able to see them? How can you deal with it?" the oldest asked, eyes still inspecting the said tree yet he sees nothing but the usual scenery.

"Not really, I've been able to see them since I was born so I kinda used to it. Beside, not all of them are scary, some are kind and look like us," the boy shrugged and about to start playing again before the boy who had his arm on him ask again.

"What do you see this time? Is it scary?"

Jisung take a look again at the tree, smiling a bit, "nah, they don't look scary at all."

" _They?_ There are more than one?"

"Yeah, there are two of them.... Call me crazy but they kinda look like a couple," he laughed and followed by his friends.

"A couple? Ghost couple? You think after you're dead you can still love?" they keep joking while passing the ball between each other.

"I didn't know you have a romantic side in you, Jeno," and their joke shift to another topic, playing merrily with each other even when the sky getting darker and the sun almost hide itself in the horizon.

"No, his romance is with electronics rather than another human," another boy laughed, pushing the tall boy, the person of interest in that topic jokingly. "Do you have a thing for car too, Jeno? I heard you asked for your parents to buy you a car which can navigate itself without driving it?"

"Whatever jerks, don't come looking for me when you need a ride," Jeno grumbled with no bite.

"But you can't drive," Chenle said.

"That's precisely why he ask for that kind of car, idiot," Renjun laughed and Jeno was about to ask Jisung to help him before he see the boy still looking at the tree.

"What is it?"

Jisung jolted a bit, brought out from his reverie, "I don't know, but looking at them kind of... Sad?"

"Why? Are they crying?" the other boy grimace, scary image in his head about crying ghosts.

"No, they are smiling... But it seems like, I don't know, longing?"

Jeno look to the tree then smiled to the other boy, "maybe death separated them and only now they meet each other again?"

Jisung smirked, surprised at the words his friends said, "maybe you really have a romantic side within you, Jeno."

"I am a romantic! You guys just don't want to admit it!"

 

\--

 

  
The kiss was heartwarming, felt to their bones and souls yet at the same time fleeting as second ticks away and farewell tasted on their tongues. Taeyong felt his skin tingles before something both cold and warm washes over him, like tides and bring him futher away from the shore and deeper to the sea where all living beings which crawls on earth first came to be.

It was strange, it was familiar as he had been there before, but this time they're not stopping, they _embraced_ it. Because this is the path they've chosen, the path where their lives will mingles again in the future and forever. Even if it's starting to hurt, even if it's slowly tearing his whole being into pieces and his hands tightened on the white robe, he held on for the promise of another kiss later in the future.

His heartbeat quickened as he was starting to lose his breath, body growing numb and head pounding painfully in dizziness. His cells separated, losing to the energy current which was drained out of his body. Slowly yet steadily his life shifts closer to death and life itself, and he felt the memories flashing through his eyes like a lifelong record, both images and emotions flooding him.

And there he was, the love of his life, his God, his Jaehyun, his savior, his lover, his _Yoonoh_ holding onto him to ground them but also imprinting touches, kisses and beautiful smiles to be remembered for eternity, for a moment of good bye before fate let them meet again. And Taeyong smiled back no matter how painful it was physically and emotionally. Jaehyun's smile and the love in his eyes was the last thing he saw before his entire body disintegrated into golden dust and let the wind carries it far away from his home, from his love and life.

The energy which wrapping the universe is deep, so vastly endless like the ocean, drowning and floating at the same time, almost like a blanket, almost like mother embraces. It was calm yet at the same time also powerful, felt like a father's strength, felt like a warm family. Accompanying but also rousing the unknown within the tranquility, like brothers and sisters, like friends and enemies. Peaceful at times, strong like tides in a storm sometimes.

It was his memories and his being which is between life and death which pain him so. Living beings supposed to come to death and have their memories hidden like a piece of sleeping soul in their hearts, having to be born again into the world and live again to find the answer of life. And only until they found it and their souls are pure would they find the final rest and merge into the universe without having to born again. Peace it was, but Taeyong have no right to it anymore as he had chosen this path. And it torture his soul as the long years keeping him afloat in nothingness, knowing but can't touch it.

When he came to a new existence, the life as he knows it, was nowhere to be found. What was his village was now under a deep lake, tight trees surrounding it and no human ever makes way near it again. The air was tight, chemicals dusting it almost like a poison and technology was developing fast. There was things called cars instead carriages pulled by the ox or horses. There was light came from a thing they called _lamp_ instead the glow from flame. There was oil which came from the earth instead of harvesting it from the mighty whales.

Yet with all those wonders human are still the same. Same mistake, same negativity and bad energies. Only few of them are truly good and pure. And as Taeyong witnesses all of it he thinks, he understand why Jaehyun had said what he said in the past. Humans are lost beings, they took a long time to understand what is really matters. They're lost because they're smart and they can feel a lot of things, but never really understand what is the important thing. Something so simple which lost in the complexity of life, unseen under open eyes.

And sorrowfully he got reminded, there was no Jaehyun in that world. Not yet.

Cars gained speed and stability, bicycle attached with a motor engine and also gained speed. Houses built faster and stronger, road made to be smoother and less bumpy. Order and laws within civilization, punishment and reward for those who deserve. Politics, religions, beliefs and faith mixed together and what was right and wrong becoming a blur for those who's lost. Human's quality of life raises yet their minds drowning more and more with rising problems and insecurities. Looking from the sidelines, Taeyong didn't know if human make a step forward or take two step backwards despite they know a whole lot more information and advanced technology.

Sometimes he gives help, sometimes he just watched, it surprised him a bit that there are still people who took his helps as a miracle from Gods. But that's what keep hope alive, that's what makes human are _human_. Hope, there's always hope no matter how hard life is. No matter how long it took to wait, he still keep hope in his heart. And although he was the one helping some humans, watching them grow and witnessing the kindness and pure souls are what keeping him in piece and loneliness can be bearable.

The tears in his eyes steadily growing but his heart soaring filled with peace and happiness after a long, torturous years. Instinctively a smile blooming on his lips, "See? I'm still here waiting for you."

And the thick rosy lips with warm silvery eyes which he had missed so terribly mirroring his happiness as strong and maybe stronger than what he remembered, "I always makes you wait."

"And you always come back to me," he caress the smooth cheek, letting their eyes met full of love and longing. Taeyong was there alone, watching the sea, taking in the beautiful scenery no matter how many times he had seen it. He wasn't thinking about anything, but the next moment he felt the familiar warmth in the air, the scent of water lilies reaching to his soul as his eyes landed on the beautiful being dressed in a white robe. _Finally_.

"I love you," they connects their foreheads, feeling the connection more than they ever was.

"And I to you."

 

 _My home is within your arms._ _Finally, we're home. Nothing can separate us now._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, that's the end.
> 
> Thank you for staying in this journey, thank you for the feedbacks and supports. Thank you for everything.
> 
> We close another story now, but hopefully, there are many chances open to learn to live again. You, and me. Love yourself.
> 
>  
> 
> my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you think? Leave me a comment ♥♥♥ I always love to know your thoughts about my story (･´з`･)♥♥♥
> 
> Hit me up at my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RiriSailing?s=09)


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